to turn them further in the most unexpected way. Using this
verbal pyrotechnics, combining it with elements of black humor and theater
absurdity, as well as resorting to techniques detective genre in the development of intrigue,
the comedian keeps the viewer in suspense, every now and then presenting him
"surprises".
Perhaps the readers of the comedy offered here will more than once
taken by surprise by the “jokes” and “surprises” that he had prepared for them
author.
Valentina Ginko.

Potassium cyanide... with or without milk?

Farce in two acts, with a touch of black humor, written
Juan José Alonso Milian
Translation from Spanish by Lyudmila Sinyavskaya
To help the viewer:
So that the viewer immediately understands who he is dealing with, we offer a brief
characteristics characters, which is useful for those who have weak memory, and
for those who love order.
Marta is an amazing young lady. She's twenty-four years old, but older
You can’t give her twenty-three, which isn’t so bad. She's married and that's her role
likes it, but she likes her role in this play even more.
E n r i k e is an amazing man. Beautiful in anger, well-mannered and
educated like no other, and as thin as a kid glove. Possesses
extraordinary virtue - to charm everyone. To such an extent that
everyone wants to immediately take him into their home, once and for all.
Adel a - u, her legs are paralyzed, and only for this reason, not for
like no other, she carries out the entire action without leaving the comfortable chair on
wheels. And despite all this, she is unhappy.
Laura is the daughter of Dona Adela, an old maid from birth. Now she
forty years old, but many claim that she was never eighteen. Don
Gregorio - is in a state of death throes due to extreme
old age. One can even feel for a person in this position
good feelings.
Justina is a niece. Not a girl, but a sweetie, and mentally too
retarded. As, however, most of the women we all know well: to
After five years their mind gets tired of working.
Llermo the barren, his real name is Guillermo. But people with the kindest
intentions, they call him by this affectionate diminutive name, since he is not
can have children. Married to Justina.
Lady Agatha - not involved in the action, mentioned exclusively for
program decorations.
Eustaquio - the most wonderful person, however, the inert provincials dubbed
his Extremaduran Satyr.
Dona Socorro - " Ambulance". This is her job as a matter of duty.
One day on the beach she overheated in the sun, and since then, if in conversation
does not understand something, he immediately connects it with the Sixth Commandment.
Doña Veneranda - "Venerable" Inseparable friend of the previous one; except

Juan José Alonso Milian. Potassium cyanide... with or without milk?

—————————————————————

Secret of success
Telling the reader of your plays about yourself - this kind of
mini-autobiographies usually occupy reverse side covers, Juan Jose
Alonso Milian does it like a comedian should. It's as if he's offering us
portrait of another character who preferred fun to the boredom of scientific studies
the craft of a comedian.
We learn that the author of the play that fell into our hands was born in Madrid in
1936 and, having reached student age, felt inexplicable
craving for the theater, but “because bad memory and excess self-criticism” refused
from an acting career and took up directing. However, as a director,
staging other people's plays (classics and contemporaries), he did not stay long, and in
one fine day I felt - “like every Spaniard” - temptation
write a comedy. The problem is not what he wrote, he recalls, but the fact that
it was staged: the debut of the young comedian was unsuccessful and
cost the owner of the capital's Lara Theater a tidy sum. However, with
At that time, Alonso Milian regularly wrote one or two plays a year. Not no
flattering himself with the illusion that he is creating for eternity (“I repent of almost everything,
what he wrote”), but obviously feeling his calling in this craft.
The number of plays he created—about sixty—is somewhat staggering.
Apparently, such creative tirelessness is explained not only
writer's temperament, but also another happy one for the author
circumstance: the comedies of Alonso Miljan are accompanied by constant audience
success. And his audience is not limited to Spain: his plays are published
in France, Italy, Germany, and are staged in Europe and America.
It should be added that Alonso Milian writes not only for the theater, but
also for film and television, and produces his own plays himself.
According to the general opinion of critics, Alonso Milian's theater is predominantly
entertaining. Some of them believe that the playwright, giving in to desires
public, infringes on his talent. They refer to his “serious”
plays: “Civil Status - Martha” (1969), “Secular Games” (1970). (IN
in the first case it is a psychological drama, in the second case it is a play staging
ethical problems.) One way or another, Alonso Milian prefers to make people laugh
viewers rather than burdening them eternal problems humanity. About self-esteem
has already been said above, but a critical attitude towards one’s works is not
prevents the author from feeling tenderness for some of them. Among the favorites
the playwright refers to the plays “Potassium cyanide... with or without milk?”,
“Marital Sins”, “Carmelo”, “Secular Games”.
Strength Alonso Miljan's comedies are recognized as dialogue. Often playwright
includes all sorts of banalities and linguistic clichés in the characters’ speech in order to
to turn them further in the most unexpected way. Using this
verbal pyrotechnics, combining it with elements of black humor and theater
absurdity, as well as resorting to detective genre techniques in the development of intrigue,
the comedian keeps the viewer in suspense, every now and then presenting him
“surprises”.
Perhaps the readers of the comedy offered here will more than once
taken by surprise by the “jokes” and “surprises” that he had prepared for them
author.
Valentina Ginko.

Potassium cyanide... with or without milk?

Farce in two acts, with a touch of black humor, written
Juan José Alonso Milian
Translation from Spanish by Lyudmila Sinyavskaya
To help the viewer:
So that the viewer immediately understands who he is dealing with, we offer a brief
characteristics of the characters, which is useful for those who have poor memory, and
for those who love order.
Marta is an amazing young lady. She's twenty-four years old, but older
You can’t give her twenty-three, which isn’t so bad. She's married and that's her role
likes it, but she likes her role in this play even more.
Enrique is an amazing man. Beautiful in anger, well-mannered and
educated like no other, and as thin as a kid glove. Possesses
extraordinary virtue - to charm everyone. To such an extent that
everyone wants to immediately take him into their home, once and for all.
Adel a - y, her legs are paralyzed, and only for this reason, not for
like no other, she carries out the entire action without leaving the comfortable chair on
wheels. And despite all this, she is unhappy.
Laura is the daughter of Dona Adela, an old maid from birth. Now she
forty years old, but many claim that she was never eighteen. Don
Gregorio - is in a state of death throes due to extreme
old age. One can even feel for a person in this position
good feelings.
Justina is a niece. Not a girl, but a sweetie, and mentally too
retarded. As, however, most of the women we all know well: to
After five years their mind gets tired of working.
Llermo the barren, his real name is Guillermo. But people with the kindest
intentions, they call him by this affectionate diminutive name, since he does not
can have children. Married to Justina.
Lady Agatha - not involved in the action, mentioned exclusively for
program decorations.
Eustaquio is a most wonderful person, but the inert provincials have dubbed him
his Extremaduran Satyr.
Dona Socorro - “Ambulance”. This is her job on duty.
One day on the beach she overheated in the sun, and since then, if in conversation
does not understand something, he immediately connects it with the Sixth Commandment.
Doña Veneranda – “Venerable.” Inseparable friend of the previous one; except
Moreover, she has a son, and he has already become a real man, since he lived to see
thirty-seven years old; according to Doña Veneranda, he is her consolation in old age.
Martial is the son of Doña Veneranda. Detective by profession and vocation; itself
himself, lives on the means of his mother, and she, according to rumors, made a fortune the year before last
-century somewhere in Africa state.
Guests, local residents, bourgeois and petitioners, minor deities, sorceresses,
dwarves, dancers, singers and one gendarme. And also the Madrid-Irun Express.
which speeds through the second act.
The comedy takes place in Vadajoz (Extremadura), in the Spanish
province located in western Spain between 37°56 minutes and 390 27
seconds of northern latitude of the Madrid meridian.
The action takes place on the evening of All Saints' Day, the day before
commemoration.

First act

The action from beginning to end takes place in the living room of a provincial house,
where a middle class family lives; this room
unusually ugly and sad. Three doors leading to rooms, and one to
balcony, used during the action.
The curtain rises at the moment when the clock hands pass
Eleven at night, a harsh Badajoz night.’ You can feel the approach of a thunderstorm.
Cold. Dona Adela is sitting in a wheelchair. Laura speaks
telephone; Doña Veneranda and
Dona Socorro. A little to the side, on a chair, is Martial, dressed exactly,
what Sherlock Holmes would dress like if he happened to spend the night in Vadajoz.
Intermittent, plaintive moans are heard from the room in the back. These are the sounds
grandfather's death throes.
Laura (talking on the phone). Wait, I’ll write it down... (Takes a sheet
paper and a pencil.) So, you pour water, plain, from the tap, and give
let it boil... Yes, it boils for a few seconds... Then you throw in the black grains...
Oh, well, yes... First you need to grind them, of course... and cover them with something
flat. Then you wait eight minutes... Great... I think I can do it... Then
you strain through something you can strain through... and pour it out
black liquid into a clean vessel... Great... Yes... What?.. Wonderful!
(Covering the receiver with his hand.) Mom!
A case a. What, baby?
Laura. You can have it with bread too! Amazing, right?
Adela. This coffee is the devil's invention.
Laura (into the phone). I see... Thank you very much... The same thing... And to you -
same... Goodbye, Amelia. (Hangs up.) Finally, mom.
I finally figured out how to make coffee!
Veneranda. Black or with milk?
Adela. For God's sake, Dona Veneranda, you want too much! Certainly
same; Black is the easiest to cook. But Laura will practice and, I'm sure,
One Beautiful Day will be able to cook with milk if necessary.
Socorro. Your daughter has culinary talent.
Talent, and that's all.
Laura. Mom, I've made up my mind! There will be no misfire tonight.
Adela. Let's hope, daughter. This is not life!
Socorro. Oh, are you preparing something for Don Gregorio?
Adela. Yes, Dona Socorro... Very good remedy...What he
necessary... and so do we.
Laura. He turns ninety-two next month... That's a bit much, you
It does not seem?
Veneranda. How! It's simply indecent. You have to know when to stop!
Socorro. What are you going to give him? Some German
medicine... isn't it? Listen to me: the Germans are great when it comes to medicines
docks... If you don’t believe me, ask Veneranda.
Veneranda. Agree. And as far as radio and all kinds of mechanics are concerned, it’s just
no words. And then they are so blond, so tall...
Adela. Have you heard anything about potassium cyanide?
Veneranda. No, Dona Adela, I haven’t heard. We travel little... Of all
The best way to help us with medications and other nasty things is a thermometer. It's true,
Socorro?
Socorro. The real truth. But we had to give up the thermometer,
because of it there are ulcers.
Veneranda. And it came at just the right time for me.
Adela. Thermometer?
Vaneranda. Well, yes, we are talking about him. We accepted him as
strengthening. Especially for your appetite! And in the summer it is so cold!
Socorro. The only bad thing is that it lowers my blood pressure. But nothing. Maybe,
Potassium cyanide does not lower blood pressure.
Laura. This tool is trouble-free. And it works instantly. Last thing
achievement of science.
Veneranda (laughs). Do you hear me, Socorro? Well well…
S o k o r r o. Yeah...Who's expecting a baby?
Veneranda. Where did you get the idea, darling? What a habit...
Socorro. I probably misheard.
Veneranda. Excuse her. We've been visiting guests all evening today, you -
fourth, the poor thing is completely confused. Do you know what she's like?
habit: if she misunderstood something in a conversation, she immediately suspects Sixth
commandment. And it almost always hits the mark. Adela. I take everything upon myself...
And this is so hard... Understand... Grandfather has been dying for almost three months...
and... and... (Crying.)
Veneranda. Well, it will be, it will be, Dona Adela...
Socorro. Don't be so sad, dear... Tomorrow is Memorial Day. Not
you have to lose hope.
Veneranda. Well, of course... maybe suddenly... Who knows?
Adela. You want to console me. But I know that he still has enough
strength
Laura. You are optimists. We thought so too a week ago... but time
goes... Everything is the same... Listen... There is all hope here
you will lose.
Everyone falls silent, and grandfather’s dying groans are clearly audible.
Socorro. Moans so smoothly, poor thing
Veneranda. And loud. You can't even listen to the radio.
Laura. Senora, we never had a radio in our house.
Adela. Otherwise, in the morning they’ll listen to the radio a lot, and in the evening, you’ll see, they’ll go to the movies too
they will run. And life is not fun at all, as some people think...
Martial, who has fallen asleep on the chair, begins to snore.
Do not misunderstand me…
Martial snores louder.
We are suffering so much!.. We have no strength... Night and day... we follow him like
merciful sisters...
Doña Adela takes the whistle hanging around her neck and is pleased
whistles shrilly. Martial immediately stops snoring. She's like nothing
never lets go of the whistle.
I never thought that my grandfather had such health... Usually people survive
up to a certain age and die... Isn't that so?
Veneranda. In any case, in our time it happened like this, people behaved
more decent.
Laura. But that's it, tonight is the last night.
A terrible clap of thunder. Pause. Everyone sighs as if on cue.
Socorro. Yes, you, Dona Adela, are simply a saint... A saint, and that’s all!
Veneranda. That's it... By the way, about the saints. I think it's appropriate
read “Our Father.”
Socorro. How to say... For so long the Lord God has been calling the Don
Gregorio, and you, Dona Adela, are such an integral nature... That’s it - such
“whole”.
Adela. “Whole”... “Whole”... If it weren’t for that case, maybe it would have been
I wish I was solid... but my legs... No, I have a will, I’ve always had enough will!
How much suffering there is in life! If you don't believe me, ask my daughter. Laura,
daughter... There is so much suffering in life, right?
Laura. Why did you start talking to me about suffering? Only because
that I'm not pretty because I never had a fiancé and I was born in
Extremadura?
Veneranda. Like the famous conquistador Pizarro.
Laura. He's a man... But I'm the opposite. But my time will come. All life
eked out a miserable existence like a slave... First - the father...
Adela. Don't remember your father, Laura, we have guests.
Laura. Then you, mother... Even purer... And then - grandfather... And this
damn house.
Socorro. Why damned?.. And he looks so cheerful and cozy.
Laura. That's the trouble... That he's cheerful... Too cheerful. It would be better
nothing reminded us that we were living people... But that’s it, that’s the end.
Adela. What a character you have, baby! Sometimes I ask myself: was it
will you ever be eighteen?
Socorro. Eighteen, Doña Adela? Is it possible to? And are they all alive?
Laura. I'm tired of you with your nonsense, dona Socorro! You don't know how to
behave when visiting - at least stay at home!
Veneranda (laughing). Forgive her... She's like a child... There's nothing bad
I thought.
Laura. Shh! Quiet! Laughing is not allowed in this house. This is not a circus! A
if you want to laugh, do something forbidden, smoke hashish... On
street! Where this is allowed.
Martial starts snoring again.
Adela. Daughter, don't worry, please.
Laura. Leave it, mom. If you don’t stop laughing and joking in time, then you won’t
you'll have time
look back as the house turns into a lecture hall or something similar.
Martial snores.
And without that, everything around was rotten, so...
Doña Adela takes up the whistle again, Martial very slowly
rises, stretches.
It's okay, isn't it? You decided that this is not a house, but a lecture hall: only
they start talking, you immediately fall asleep.
Veneranda. Such a nice boy!.. Did you sleep, son? Well come and kiss me
mom. (He comes up and kisses him.) And the pipe, son, the pipe: it’s always in your mouth.
Martial takes a pipe from his pocket and clamps it between his teeth.
That's it... Great, Martial. Come on, show Dona Adela the magnifying glass that I
I bought it for you.
Martial shakes his head.
Why not?
Socorro. Shy.
Martial sits down again and falls asleep.
Veneranda. We bought him a wonderful magnifying glass - let him look at the marks from
fingers of their own kind. And a set of master keys. Right, Martial? Martial!
Martial! Oh my God! Doña Adela, do me a favor...
Doña Adela whistles. Martial rises to his feet.
Martial (pacing around the room, counting his steps). Clear as day...
Twenty-six steps by eight... In this house something is about to happen
crime.
Thunder Strike.
Veneranda (claps her hands). Bravo, Martial! Very good! We saw
Socorro? Did you see what it's like? Martial, pipe!
Adela. Why did you say that... about murder?
Martial. I smell it... I have a unique nose for this. Nothing from me
will hide. It smells like crime here.
Veneranda. Very good, Martial! A tube! Well, show us the magnifying glass.
Adela. It smells like burning from the fryer.

Laura. Never mind. He says who knows what. Only he knows -
sleep.
Martial. I'm not sleeping, I think. My brain doesn't sleep.
L a u r a. What about the Extremaduran Satyr? He laughs at you, laughs
over the police and over the entire area. Have you read the newspapers, Martial? Yesterday he again
went hunting.
Veneranda. Can't be! Horrible!
Adela. This monster deprived peaceful life all single women... Who
became his victim this time?
Martial. Ilaria, Felipe's daughter, from the bookbindery down the street
Health.
Socorro. This little one with freckles? How I feel sorry for him!
Veneranda. You mean you feel sorry for her...
Socorro. No, I feel sorry for the poor Satyr. You have to be an idiot...
Laura. I suppose the poor thing will now throw herself into the arms of the monastery
monastery.
Martial. For now, she rushed into the arms of the groom. He says that he
don't care what happened. Nice guy, they're getting married in a month.
Laura. Outrageous! And at this time you are sleeping and visiting with mommy
you're walking around.
Martial. I already told you: this house smells of death,
crime... And I devoted enough time to Satire. Now I have
magnifying glass, there is a tube and master keys. But the main thing is the head. The satyr will be with me
hands tonight, you will see what Martial is capable of.
Veneranda. Yes, son! Great answer!
Laura. I don’t laugh only because I’m afraid they’ll think: Grandpa is dead.
It's disgusting to listen to you! Stupid! The Extremaduran Satyr is a real man, not
what you or even me!
Martial. If this guy doesn't come across this night, I'll change my profession.
Veneranda. Son, pipe! A tube! That's it... It's pleasing to the eye. Until what?
This uniform suits him!
Martial. Okay, mom. I think it's time for us to go. I need to complete some things
affairs. Veneranda. Let's go, son, let's go.
(Rises.) Let's go, Socorro. Okay... Thank you very much for dinner.
Pretty skimpy! Well, of course, at such moments there is no time for dinner. Is it true,
Socorro?
Socorro. Of course, we didn’t come here for the cutlets either.
Thunder Strike.
Laura (goes to the balcony). Finally a thunderstorm. How she was missed. And I
I had a presentiment. My back didn't hurt all evening: when my back doesn't hurt -
means there will be a thunderstorm. A thunderstorm always brings casualties, destruction, and misfortune.
Thunder and lightning.
Don't you like thunderstorms?
Socorro. We are simple, urban people.
Veneranda. Not some plowmen!
Socorro. Ugh, what disgusting! I saw a plowman once, not at all
I liked it. So uncouth! He endlessly drank water from a clay jug,
no education! Not like an engineer.
Adela. Just think - on your feet all night!
Veneranda. Is this how you get up at night?
Adela. No, that's what they say, Dona Veneranda. I'm over twenty
I haven’t gotten out of this chair for years, but sometimes you forget and say so.
Veneranda. Why don’t you go to Our Lady of Lourdes?
Socorro. Really. I know for sure: it is good for your health.
Adela. Laura, my daughter, won’t let me in.
Laura. Grandfather will die, and let's go somewhere if you want. Let's become
travel, mom, if you like. She really wants to go to the USSR.
Martial. It's already half past eleven. And it starts to rain.
Veneranda. Yes, you're right, son. I wish Don Gregorio to get better.
Laura. How you like to do things out of spite!
Socorro. What's happened? Is anyone sick?
Laura. And you, dear senora... are a complete fool!
Socorro. When visiting, my head is always spinning. And today besides
are behind schedule, there are still three houses left: in one there is a patient after
prostate surgery, I beg your pardon, in another - vigil over a dead man; Very
a decent house, it will probably be more fun there.
Veneranda. The Estevez house, the owner was a lawyer.
Socorro. But this is not why he died; he had not practiced for a long time.
Veneranda. Wonderful people. And when grandma was alive, they even
biscuits with rum were served.
Martial. So, Laura... Humility, and once again humility... Doña Adela,
I wish you health so that you have something to take care of.
Laura. Thank you, Martial...
Martial. And yet I smell: there is a smell of murder in this house.
Veneranda. Okay, son, okay... Let's go to another house and sleep there
A little. But fasten yourself properly - you'll catch a cold.
Socorro. Goodbye, Laura... Goodbye, Doña Adela... No
get up, we know the way.
Veneranda. Yes, yes, don’t get up, your daughter will see us off.
Adela. And how I wish I could get up... But I’ve been saying goodbye to
guests without getting up from your chair.
Veneranda. That's wonderful. Goodbye.
Another clap of thunder.
Laura. There will be a significant thunderstorm tonight.
Everyone comes out except Doña Adela. She listens to her grandfather's moans.
Laura returns.
Laura. I thought they would never leave. This ridiculous Martial...
Adela. Yes, daughter... However, we may need them... Go
look at grandpa...
Laura enters Don Gregorio's room. Then he comes out.
Laura. Nothing!.. Everything is the same... You look into his face, and it seems -
departs... but - nothing like that!.. Apparently, he planned to bury us
everyone... Mom! If you don't dare, I'll do it myself.
Adela. No, baby. Tonight, in coffee... (Pause.)'. Something Justina
stuck... Great idea - ask Dona Matea for a little cyanide
potassium She has a lot of this stuff in her cellar.
Laura. Surely... Sometimes I get scared when I think about what you would
could have done if you were on your feet.
Adela. You flatter me... What's worse about you? How capable do you think you are?
Should I make coffee today?
Laura. I think I can, mom... I think yes... This is the recipe
simple... Of course, I probably couldn’t have coffee with milk for breakfast
cook... But with potassium cyanide...
The doorbell rings.
Adela. Must be the poison girl. Go, daughter, open it.
Laura. I'm coming, mom. This minute. (Goes to the depth of the scene.)
Returns with Justina. She got all wet in the rain.
Justina. Good evening, dear auntie, (Kisses Dona Adela.
Talks like a five year old.)
Adela. You're all wet...To the skin.
Justina. A little... Brr!.. What rain! (Laughs.) It’s pouring like... Creepy
funny!
Laura (slaps her). Stop laughing. How many times should I tell you?
Stupid!
Justina. Oh, auntie! How she slapped me! I'll make you deaf.
Laura. It is good to. Now there is nothing worthwhile for your age
you will hear, and you deserve better.
Adela. Did you bring everything you ordered?
Justina. That's it... And there were still fifteen pesetas left, I took them in
The library contains the collected works of Franz Kafka, he writes very funny. Us,
for mentally retarded people, the library gives them at a discount.
Adela. Well, then... What should you have asked Dona Matea?
Justina. What? I do not remember…
Laura. Don't make a fool of yourself... Potassium cyanide!
Justina. Oh, auntie! How does she express herself? The devils will eat her in hell!
Adela. Don't yell at the girl. Come here, honey! Such a white powder
should have been given by the pretty lady who always brings you nuts
sugar...
Justina. A! Rat poison... Here it is. (Holds out the little one
bag.)
Laura. Who told you that this is poison for rats?
Justina. She, Dona Matea... And I told her that no... that this poison
- for grandfather...
Laura (slaps her). Here you are, woe is ours! Brainless fool!
Justina. Again! What a day!
Adela. Come here, beauty. This powder is poison for rats.
Do you remember, remember the nasty rat from the fairy tale? Do you remember?
X u s t i n a. I do not remember. And I don’t remember the fairy tale, I only remember the scary ones
stories by Alan Poe.
Adela. Poor thing! This is completely different... You know: rats breed,
they reproduce like the Chinese... And they have to be poisoned... Do you understand?
X u s t i n a. Yes! Understand! And this one - to poison grandfather...
Grandfather! Grandfather! Since Aunt Laura beats me, I’ll tell everyone, everyone about it...
Here!
Laura (holding scissors in her hands). I should have cut your tongue a long time ago. But we
weak-willed, so you use it... Give me your tongue here!
Justina. Don't, auntie... Don't. I will not tell anyone! I promise!
Laura. Language is alive!
Adela. Not here, baby... You'll get it all dirty... Cut him in the bathroom
room.
The doorbell rings.
Laura. What's happened?
They call persistently.
Justina. Forgive me, aunt... I will never do it again.
Adela. Who dares to call like that?
Laura. I will open. And you, Justina... Look at me! (Shows her
scissors.) One fine day your tongue will shorten. (Comes out.)
Justina. Auntie, has Aunt Laura forgiven me?
Adela. Yes, Justina, I forgave... Laura is a saint for us.
Marta and Enrique enter. Marta has a small suitcase in her hands, Enrique
carries a large suitcase and a hat box.
Enrique. I'm sure you weren't expecting...
Adela. Enrique! What does it mean?
Enrique. Let me hug you, auntie... You are amazing, the years go by,
but not for you.
Adela. You are in our house and with a woman with makeup!
Martha. Good evening. If you like the color of my lipstick, I'll tell you where
bought it...
Laura. Enrique... We are waiting for an explanation. Could have warned you by letter or
by telegram...
Enrique. Where is the joy of an unexpected meeting?.. I haven’t been there for more than six years
in this house... How are you, Martha? Sounds like what I told you?
Martha. I feel like I know this house... Enrique is so much for me
talked about your house...
Laura. Enrique, who is this woman?
Martha. Yes, a little inconvenient...
Adela. You know: Badajoz is not the capital of Madrid, it’s like that
becomes known to everyone.
Enrique. For God's sake, auntie. This is Martha, we are engaged. Next week
Let's get married. Right, honey?
M a rta. Absolutely right. In Portugal. Your nephew didn't want
call me your wife before I meet all of you.
Laura. I don't like it... I don't like it...
Enrique (Justine). And you... Are you my cousin Justina?
Justina. At your service, thank God.
Enrique. Wow! But you... A completely grown woman!
Justina. You heard? Woman.
Martha. And not just a woman, but a beauty.
Enrique. I heard you got married. Wonderful... Where is your husband?
Where is this lucky guy?
Justina. The thing is…
Laura. It's better not to talk about this.
Justina broke up with him.
Martha. How so?
Adela. Misfortune, senorita. A terrible misfortune.
Laura. Guillermo—that’s the name of this unfortunate man—is barren. Can not
to have children. And that's why everyone calls him Llermo the Barren.
Adela. We found out about this on the wedding day... And since then we have not allowed him
see the girl. He lives in our house, but in the attic.
Martha. My God! And... how do you know that he cannot have children?
The conclusion is a little hasty, don’t you think? In such cases it is required
time.
Laura It's hereditary. Everyone in the family is infertile. And he is more
everyone. And Khustiyaa is a pathetic fool, what kind of husband would love her? Not
girl, but the scourge of God.
Martha. A little neglected, that's all. What kind of hair... Tomorrow you
you won't recognize her. I'll give you a Parisian hairstyle
X u s t i n a. No worries. Aunty every three months
cuts me short.
Martha. Can't be!
Laura. It very well may. You don't want her hanging around here,
led into temptation and sin. After all, she married woman!
Enrique. And grandpa? Where is this sinner?
Adela. If you are silent for a few seconds, you will hear it end.
Everyone falls silent, and groans can actually be heard.
Justina (Marte). Sit down here. It's best to hear from here.
Martha. Thanks, but…
Enryake. What is this? Is he that bad?
Adela. It couldn't be worse.
Laura. Maybe we'll bury him tomorrow. Senorita, you brought with
something black?
Martha. Eyebrow pencil only. In black I look too thin.
Adela. Justina will give you something of hers. On the contrary, she has everything
black dresses. You understand - against temptation.
Laura. And you, Enrique, will wear something like your grandfather’s.
Enrique. Well, why are you doing this... After all, this hasn’t happened yet... Poor thing
grandfather!
Laura. There's nothing you can do about it, it's the law of life. Today - grandfather, tomorrow -
mom... In the end... Poor grandfather.
Adela. Yes, poor thing... How she must be suffering!
Justina. If you feel so sorry for grandpa, why are you going to give him
powder for...
Laura (slaps her). Shouldn't you go to the kitchen to make some coffee?
Justina. But I can’t!
Laura (gives her a piece of paper with the recipe). Here it is written as it should be,
brainless. Do everything exactly, well, go... Go to the kitchen!
Justina leaves in tears.
Adela. Understand... She is mentally retarded. Her body is
a twenty-five-year-old woman, and the mind of a five-year-old child.
Enrique. It's OK. Madrid is full of them.
Martha. Of course, but no one slaps them in the face. It was done this way before.
Enrique. And now they are renting apartments. (Laughs.)
Adela. You forgot that you are at your relatives' house, and some
jokes are not allowed here. Laura is an unmarried girl.
Enrique. OK. Do not be angry. I would like to see poor grandfather. Not
Remember: I’m still a doctor.
Martha. Your nephew is the best traumatologist in Madrid.
Laura. Yes, we know that he decided to deal with the bones, what
disgusting.
Enrique. OK OK. With your permission.
Enters grandfather's room. There is silence. Both women are unceremonious
looking at Martha. She feels awkward and doesn’t know what to say.
Martha. So, we are in Badajoz!
Lightning flashes, thunder roars.
Enrique!
Laura. Why are you calling him? Are you afraid of thunderstorms?
Martha. No... no... That's not why I... It's just... But it doesn't matter.
Adela. You should have called that you were coming. We'd cook something
have a snack. At such a late hour...
Martha. For God's sake, don't worry! We had dinner on the road. Yes and go
came up with an unexpected idea... And then - rain, you know what the road is like. If
not this, we would have arrived at nine.
Laura (without taking her eyes off her). How are your eyes... made up? Not
ashamed?
Martha. Yes... yes... You are right. But Enrique likes it that way.
Laura. It's rare to see a clean face these days. Probably the hair is dyed,
right?
Martha. You see...
Laura. No, don't say it. I prefer not to know this.
Martha. As you please. (Pause.) Is it still raining?
Laura. You are very insightful.
Martha. Oh! You have such a wonderful family. Enrique I love you so much
told me... I'm delighted with your house! What peace, what peace. You,
Laura, I imagined... I don’t know, but completely different: with glasses, fading, and
shorter... And suddenly: a young woman, beautiful, in the juice, cheerful, and not
married only because she is faithful to her family obligations. I admire you!
I think we'll be friends.
Laura. I doubt it very much. I've never had girlfriends.
Martha. And you, Dona Adela, are an example of a true mother, silent,
selfless, an example of heroism. I'm sure someday they'll give you
a monument no worse than that of some Extremaduran conquistador. And you know:
This chair suits you very well, extraordinary. It makes you younger... revitalizes you. By
truth be told, four wheels have a mysterious power over people, and we,
for women, they are always welcome.
Adela. This chair is for me instead of a tarantass.
Martha. I would give a lot to grow up in such a family... Enrique
won my heart with stories about you. So romantic!
Adela. It was even more romantic before. There were geraniums growing on the balcony, but Laura
I didn't water it and it dried out.
Martha. I would dream of ending my days in a house like this, in the same
chair. How I envy you, Dona Adela!
Adela. Okay, my child, thank you. If I had crutches at hand, I
If I showed you, I would drive you along the corridor to the kitchen, the floor there is flat and even.
Believe it or not, sometimes I reach speeds of up to four kilometers per hour. Is it true,
daughter? Speed ​​is my only guilty pleasure.
Martha. Nothing strange. Laura, please. I'd like to wash my hands.
Laura. That door over there.
Martha. Thank you very much. I'll be right back. (He goes into the bathroom.)
And immediately both women pounce on her bag. Laura opens
bag.
A case a. Hurry up, baby. They can come in.
Laura (takes out her wallet and passport, opens the passport, reads). Martha
Garcia, by marriage - Molinos. Mother! Can you hear? By husband - Molinos.
A case a. I knew it. A dishonest woman, it’s immediately obvious. Hide
quicker. Hide!
Enrique enters. Everything has already been put in place.
Enrique. Poor grandfather! Very bad.
I don't think it will last long.
Laura. And this one is the same. It’s immediately obvious that he’s a doctor... All of you doctors,
keep repeating the same thing, but he’s been in this state for three months now.
Enrique. He was talking to me. He took my hand and said: “Pirula-.
Pirula, how soft!”
A case a. My God!
Laura. This bastard again! Every now and then - Pirula! Both day and night - this
bastard!
Enrique. How? Does Pirula really exist?
A de la. Before grandpa got sick, we found out that he had...
there is an official bride!
Enrique. Pirula?
A case a. Yes, Enrique, yes. This girl before she met her grandfather
earned money for myself
for life... I'm ashamed to say what...
Laura. She worked in an insurance company.
Enrique. So what... in my opinion, this is...
Laura. I typed contracts, filled out forms... And even...
smoked!
Enrique. Opium?
Laura. Worse are cigarettes.
A de la. Grandfather was going to go with her to Madrid. This Pirula
advanced views. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she decided to make
grandfather... terrorist. Or a chief executive at an insurance company. With her
glances...
Enrique. Little human weaknesses. But I am sure that now...
A scream comes from the bathroom. Martha appears, her face is distorted
fear.
Martha. Enrique! Enrique!
Enrique. What happened to you? What's the matter?
Martha. Ahh...! In the bathroom! There’s a man in the bathroom... I think he’s dead.
Laura. Satyr! Definitely a Satyr!
Martha. So strangely dressed, in a checkered cap, with a pipe in his teeth.
Adela. How! And Satyr...
Laura. Well, this is too much!
Adela (takes up the whistle, whistles several times). Don't be alarmed, this is
our friend.
Enrique. A plumber, perhaps? Martial appears.
Laura. Hope everything is ok?
Martial. Sorry, senora, if I scared you. My name is Martial, I
detective. I was investigating and didn’t notice how I fell asleep. For some reason I
I am sure that a murder is about to take place here, and I am trying to prevent it.
Adela. Funny.
Martial. In addition, we received a signal, anonymous. Tonight
The satyr will come to this quarter. This time he won't leave me. That's why I
and hid here. First floor, there are two women in the house. Once again I apologize
Señora. I'm leaving. I wish you all the best. (Leaves.)
Martha. Which a strange man!
Enrique. Understood nothing. He says that in this house... (Laughs.)
Murder... Look, wit!
Laura. An ordinary idiot. He always imagines murders, but not yet
I didn't find anything. Mommy's boy, she got it into his head that he
wonderful detective. I hate it!
Enrique. This is perhaps too much. A person believes that he is fulfilling a duty. Can
forgive him.
Adela. No you can not. You can never forgive! (To Laura.) Isn't your father
did you forgive me then?
Laura. Don't talk about it, mom.
Adela. And that’s all it was - a short Spanish proverb.
Laura. Mom, don't get excited!
Adela. Senorita should know about that incident. There was a thunderstorm, terrible
storm,
as today…
Laura. Tell her: don't! Don't listen to her. She tells it
every new person. I'm already fed up. One day I
I'll open my veins.
Martha. OK. I don't really want to know. Maybe we'd better play
forfeits. Much more interesting.
Adela. He always said one thing... Scoundrel! I can see him now. Calmly
so, without worrying, in an even voice: “Adela, dear, don’t be a bore,
wait, one fine day I will break your spine.” And so every day
a day: “Adela, dear, don’t be a bore, you’ll wait, one day
day…"
Laura (with a sob in her voice). Enough, mom! Enough!
Adela. Always like this.
Martha. And you, what did you tell him?
Adela. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. To his such a long phrase, I
naivety, answered with a Spanish proverb.
Laura. Here you go! Negotiate! Let everyone know! When father threatened
break her spine, her mother said: “A dog that barks never
bites.” Do you think this is okay to say to your husband?
Martha. Ah ah ah! I think it smelled like a wheelchair.
Laura. And then one fine day, before my mother had time to say
damned proverb, like a father very calmly, as always, without any
anger, picked her up, went out onto the stairs and there...
Adela. Shut up! Shut up, I order you!
Laura. ...and threw it down with all his might. And since we live on the first
floor, I had to throw it six times. And then he left home forever.
Adela. And when this unfortunate man left, my friend rushed from the floor after him.
voice: “Whoever finds a tree will find shade.” And: “Whoever the Lord gives,
Saint Peter will bless.” (Cries.) I’ll never forget!
Laura. Now do you understand how unhappy I am? Life is broken: twenty years
I'm busy with my sick grandfather, with a mentally retarded fool and with my mother... Such
silent!
Adela. Ugh, how rude!
Laura. I'm sick of it! (On the verge of hysteria.) They have already forgotten that I was
young and pretty, everyone forgot about me! How much I have suffered! How many
suffered! And... and...! Justina! Justina!
Xustina enters.
Justina. Did you call me, aunt?
Laura. Come here! (He comes up to her and slaps her. Calm down.) You can
go.
Justina leaves.
Justina calms me down a little. If it weren't for her, I would have opened it long ago
himself a wife.
Pause.
Martha. It's hot, isn't it? Another pause.
Enrique. Everyone has their own cross. That is life. But everything passes.
Adela. This is what we believe. Really, daughter? Everything will change very soon.
Martha. That's enough, let's not think about sad things anymore. Do you want me to call you?
Justina
and let's have a little fun?
Enrique. Auntie, we want to spend the night here. If everything goes well
Tomorrow
we'll leave in the morning.
Laura. This is impossible. Go to a hotel for the night.
Martha. I think it's a good idea.
Enrique. Grandpa is in this state - I have to stay with him. Suddenly at night
what will happen, after all, I am a doctor and could certify that...
MARTA (to Enrique). Go here. I can't take another minute. Is not
people and monsters!
Enrique. Do not be silly.
Laura. Mom, did you hear?
Adela. Yes, baby, I heard and understood everything perfectly. They will stay.
A clap of thunder is heard. Justina enters.
Justina. I'll bring coffee... with this one?
Laura. Now is not the time.
E n r i k e. I think it’s an excellent idea, with a glass of cognac.
Laura. There is no alcohol in this house, and neither do dominoes. This
This is not a bar for you.
Enrique. But Justina said...
Laura. Justina said nothing. Remind me, mom, tomorrow will definitely
I need to cut her tongue.
Justina. No, no, don't touch your tongue! I will behave! (Cries,
kneels down.) I won't say anything! Just don't touch your tongue! Aunt, I'm sorry
me.
Enrique. Just think how worried she is about her tongue!
Martha. Quite natural. You are a man, you don’t understand this.
Adela. Girl, that's enough! Okay, don't cry, we'll figure it out.
Justina. I don't want to lose my language.
Laura. Justina can sleep with me. And Enrique is in her room.
Adela. And the senorita is on this bed. (Points towards the sewing room
cars.)
Justina carries Enrique's suitcases to her room.
Enrique. No, no, don't touch the suitcases.
Adela. But since you...
Enrique. The suitcase and hatbox are due to leave this very night.
Pamplona.
Laura. Is it tonight? What nonsense!
Enrique. It's nothing you can do. It's a matter of life and death.
Adela. Well, if so... Liermo can take them right now and hand them over to
baggage. Come on, call Llermo. Tell him to come down quickly.
Laura. First I'll show you your room. Come after me.
Enrique. Fine. I'm coming.
Martha. I'll go with you, Enrique. Don't leave me alone.
Enriche: Stop it, Martha, you’re not little. You stay here to sleep.
Laura. Let's go, Enrique.
Enrique. Went.
Laura and Enrique leave. A clap of thunder is heard, then the groans of the grandfather.
Martha. You said: is this a bed?
Adela (Justine). Justina, prepare the bed for the senorita.

Justina pulls out the folding bed, already made up.
All these nights someone slept on it. Grandpa is in this state...
Martha (opens her suitcase). I'd like to change into pajamas.
Adela. Go to the bathroom. And don't worry. It's OK.
Martha. I'm not worried, it's nerves. Tired from the road. (Goes to the bathroom
room.)
Laura returns.
Laura. Justina, your husband will come now. Hide in the closet and don't
come out until they tell you. You know: you can't see him.
Justina. Okay, aunt.
Laura. Go.
Justina. I'm coming, aunt. (Leaves.)
Adela approaches Martha's suitcase and tries to open it.
Laura. Great idea. He will witness the death of his grandfather. (Goes to
phone, picks up. Dials the number.)
Adela opened the suitcase and examines the contents.
Llermo, is that you? Come down quickly. No, not dead yet. (Hangs up.)
Mom, what are you doing?
Adela (thoughtfully). Grandfather will not survive this night.
Laura. What do you want to say? What is your rich mind planning?
Adela. Look, daughter, look what's in the suitcase. And tell me, do you have
other thoughts?
Laura (looks into Martha's suitcase). My God! I've never seen it in my life
such wealth. (Dreamy.) We could leave this forever
cities.
Adela. Go travel! Look at White light. And Lourdes
Our Lady, Laura, Our Lady of Lourdes!
Laura. And also a suitcase and a hat box...
Ade la. Right. That's why they wanted to take them away from here. Surely
currency or drugs, and they are afraid to take them across the border. Come on, open it
box. Open up, baby, open up!
Laura. Now, mom, this minute. How greed immediately overwhelmed you.
They are trying to open a hat box. Enrique appears on the threshold and silently
watching the scene.
Adela. Come on, come on. We need to know what's in it.
Laura. It's locked. It seems that it lends itself.
Enrique. Try this. I lost my key.
Adela. No, no, don't. Some kind of stupidity, female curiosity.
(Laughs.)
The doorbell rings.
Probably Liermo. Did you hide the girl?
Laura. By itself. I'll go open it. (Comes out.)
Enrique. It's not nice to rummage through other people's suitcases, auntie. In my opinion, it's ugly.
Adela. You see, son... You know how much I love hats. That's what I wanted
see if it suits me. But what surprised me was how heavy it is... this
"hat"
Liermo enters, followed by Laura.
Enrique. Hello Guillermo. It's nice to meet you.
Llermo. How are you doing? You can call me like everyone else - Llermo the barren,
I don't care. There are no people without flaws. Okay, I don't want to waste my time
lose. Where should you take your suitcase and hatbox?
Enrique. To the station. Check it in as luggage on the first train that goes to
Pamplona. Llermo. It's clear. To Pamplona, ​​right? How many?
Enrique. In what sense? I don't understand.
Llermo. You see, sir, I don’t care what’s in your suitcase -
contraband or bomb.
Enrique. But…
Llermo. Just a minute. I speak.
Laura. Don't contradict him. He is offended by God, that’s his character and
spoiled.
Llermo. How much do you intend to pay for this work? Now on
every step is checked.
Enrique. Well, I don’t know... One hundred pesetas... For smoke and coffee.
Llermo. I went to bed.
Enrique. Wait... A thousand pesetas, coming?
Llermo. Now I see interest. It's coming. Five hundred now, and
five hundred when I bring the receipt.
Enrique. Hold it. (Gives him money.)
Llermo (quietly, Enrique). I need to talk to you. Have you already seen it?
Enrique. What?
Llermo. Shh... (Takes him to the corner.) To Justin. Have you seen it?
Enrique. Well, of course. She was here.
Llermo. And how do you like it? Do I have good taste? That's why I save
money... One fine day we will leave here, and then... Then this
the family will find out whether I can have children or not.
Enrique. Good good…
Llermo. Listen. Are you interested in dried heads, human, keychain
Can I make a tie clip and put it in the living room for beauty?
Enrique. What are you saying, young man?
Laura. Keep your ears open, brother! Now he will want to give you dried
heads. Don't worry, they aren't real.
Llermo. She says they are not real! I collect them at the cemetery, and at home
I dry them until they become small, about the size of a fist. Then I glue it onto bakelite
ashtray, and at the bottom I write: “Greetings from Badajoz.” People think that they
are not real, but they are the opposite! Enrique. If this monster does this
here, what would he have done in Paris, and even with education?
Llermo. What are you saying?
Enrique. Nothing, man, just like that. Don't you dare, for God's sake,
travel or read books.
Llermo. Listen... If you want banned magazines, postal
postcards, insulin, morphine or hashish, the freshest, dial only this number
- that's all. (Takes out a business card.) Would you like a Japanese lighter...
Can it also serve as a ballpoint pen and a battery-powered radio? Co
discount... For you...
Enrique. The thing is... I don't smoke.
Llermo. Doesn't matter. It can set a forest on fire.
Enrique. You are right.
Adela. Oh, what a bore. Always the same! I'd rather sit and think about
to your misfortune.
Martha appears in pajamas, with a robe on top of her pajamas.
Martha. Here I am. Damn it! Who is this handsome young man?
Llermo (whistles when he sees Marta). Wow! So you can scare
Senora!
Laura. Liermo! Sorry, senorita. This is Guillermo, Justina's husband.
Martha. That same unfortunate... I’m very glad to meet you, Llermo.
Let me kiss you on the cheek? (Kisses him.)
Llermo is dumbfounded.
They told me so much about you...
Llermo. Don't trust them.
Martha. The soul of Badajoz! Justina's husband lives separately from her because he
an unusually sensitive and spiritual person...
Adela. Now he'll go crazy with her again.
Liermo (takes out a pair of stockings). Do you like it?
Martha. ABOUT! Lovely! Just lovely, Llermo. And not one, but two. What
especially nice.
Llermo. Cheap. Almost for nothing.
Martha. What does cheapness have to do with it! Such things are not judged by price. Finally
you will take away Justina's paper elastic stockings! Bravo!
Llermo. I have tergal things, perlon, rubber gloves,
nylon combinations, there is powder, lipstick, I receive the goods from Tangier and
Portugal.
Enrique. Listen, monster, do you have any ties?
L e r m o. But of course! All colors, and also... (Whispers in his ear.)
Enrique. Bring me the black one.
Llermo. How? Isn’t grandfather already... (Approaches Laura.) Well, I’m glad!
Congratulations.
Laura. Don't be a fool. Take your suitcase and box and go. Grandfather still
will last some time.
Liermo (take care of suitcase and hatbox). OK. (To Martha.) Until
dates... What's your name?
Martha (a little scared). Martha Garcia.
Llermo. Unmarried?
Martha. No, get married...
Enrique. Martha!
Martha. Unmarried, young man. Unmarried and not even engaged.
Llermo. This is good. Fits. It seems to me that you and I would... with us
there is something to talk about.
Martha. I doubt.
Llermo. One time I wrote a poem. You will hear him...
There's a clap of thunder.
What a night! Do you hear, Laura? The new bridge is dying. Look, today
and get lucky. (Leaves.)
Laura comes out next. Pause.
Adela. I think it's time to go to bed.
Enrique. Yes, it doesn’t bother everyone to sleep.
Adela. You can hear grandpa perfectly from your bed. So don't worry
and sleep peacefully.
Laura appears on the threshold.
Laura. If you hear a noise, like someone falling out of bed onto the floor -
don't be scared, it's okay. This isn't the first time grandpa has done something like this. IN
At a certain age, people tend to be weird. (Pushes the wheelchair
mother to her room.)
Adela. Do you want to put your things in my closet?
Martha. No, thank you. I don't have anything like that.
Adela. Okay, whatever.
Enrique. I'll go see my grandfather before going to bed.
(Enters grandfather's room.)
Thunder Strike.
Laura. You're not afraid of thunderstorms, are you?
Martha. I'm not afraid, I'm not little anymore. There's even a thunderstorm in Madrid
pleasure.
Adela. Well, go to bed and rest. Good night.
Martha. Thank you, sir. Same to you.
Mother and daughter leave. Martha looks scared. Doesn't know what to do.
Finally he takes off his robe and gets ready to go to bed; from grandpa's room
Enrique comes out.
Enrique. Don't know. It's hard to say, but... Most likely, bronchitis. Symptoms
no doubt.
Martha. Enrique, I wanted to talk to you alone.
Enrique. Speak, my love.
Martha. You know, I think it's impossible. I probably should
return to Armando. I'm sure he will forgive me.
Enrique. What's wrong with you, Martha? Do not you love me anymore?
Martha. Don't know. I do not know what happened to me. Probably nerves. And this one too
house... Strange things are happening in it. And in general, everything happened so quickly...
Enrique. But with Armando it’s the other way around—everything is so slow. And you missed me.
Martha. This is true. I missed you terribly.
Enrique, let's leave this house right now, I'm sick
premonitions, I'm scared, terribly scared.
Enrique. It’s impossible to leave now, Martha, I can’t drive at night.
Go have a rest. You sleep, in the morning you will see everything with different eyes, and then we will
you... Alone and together, now - always together. Have you written a letter to your husband?
Martha. Yes, and he probably already read it. Poor Armando, how he me
loved, but... such a bore! And he didn’t understand me at all, never understood me.
And you…
Enrique. Besides, he was too young. Just three years older than you,
and marriage requires peace and understanding. Your husband cared more about his
career, about your future, than about you.
Martha. You are completely different! With you I feel like I'm behind a stone
wall. Do you know how I fell in love with you? You will say: I reason like a little girl,
but I still like to talk about it. I fell in love with you that day
when I broke my leg and you put me in a cast. You know, you put a cast on me like this
Fine…
Enrique. I've adored you for a long time. And so I painted a heart on plaster,
pierced by an arrow, and wrote poems by Campoamor.
Martha. And then... I gave you my x-ray with the inscription:
“Enrique from Martha.”
Enrique. You looked so beautiful in it! I always carried it with me in
wallet, and when I was alone, I looked at your X-ray on
light and thought about you. If I weren't already crazy about you, I would fall in love
without memory at your fracture. Martha. Enrique, oh, how can you talk?
with women. I never get tired of listening to you.
Enrique. OK. Now go to bed. You need a sleep. And tomorrow
Let's move.
Martha. You and me, together and alone.
Enrique. Together until the end of days. Good night my Love.
Martha. Good night.
They kiss.
Enrique. Rest.
Martha. I feel much better already.
Enrique leaves. Martha goes to bed and turns off the light. Immediately the door
The door opens and Justina comes in, holding a cup of coffee and a small bag.
Justina. Are you sleeping now?
Martha. No, baby, come in.
Justina. Here I brought it for you. What kind of coffee do you want - with or without milk?
Martha. There was no need to worry... I don't care... (Takes a cup.) What
hot…
Justina. I took a doll with me. I always sleep with her, it's more fun. I want her
made by Liermo... So funny... She can close her eyes... I named her
Rosalinda.
Martha. How's that? What a nice guy Llermo! Well, let me see.
I have already met him, in my opinion, he is very smart... Oh... (After seeing
doll, screams and jumps out of bed.) What is this?
Justina. My doll... Rosalinda...
Martha. Enrique! Enrique! Throw away this disgusting thing now... It's
head... Oh my God!
Enrique runs in.
Enrique. What happened to you? Why are you shouting?
Martha (crying). Look... Look... what's in my bed...
Justina. My doll.
Enrique. Listen, Justina... get her out of here. What an abomination!
Justina. But she... So pretty... Come here, my love!
Poor thing, no one loves you... (Leaves)
Enrique. Calm down, Martha! Calm down... Well, for no reason at all...
Martha. Sorry, Enrique. I was so scared... When I saw... What
dirty trick!
Enrique. Okay, honey. Try to pull yourself together. Whatever you
I saw, no matter what I heard, don’t pay attention. Understand, it's because of your nerves,
just from nerves. Martha. I will try.
Enrique. Go to bed and drink coffee - you will feel better... See you tomorrow.
(Leaves.)
Marta, having calmed down a little, is about to drink coffee, but then the balcony
the door swings open. The wind and rain rush in. Martha gets up and closes the door.
Returns to bed; on the balcony, behind the glass door, a tall man appears
man in a raincoat and hat. Knocks on the glass.
Martha. Just a minute... Where did he come from? (Opens the balcony
door.)
A man bursts into the room. Starts to jump around the room, growls like
beast. Throws himself onto the floor, writhing around.
Bravo!.. You are doing very well... But why don’t I show you
should I have my skills tomorrow? I am so tired…
Eustaquio (howls). Uuuuuuuu... Auuuuuu... Ummmmmmm... (He has
side nose.)
Martha. Everything is excellent, but tomorrow... I really want to sleep...
(Yawns.)
Eustaquio. Awww... ow...! Apchhi!
Martha. Be healthy!
Eustaquio. Thank you. (Takes out a handkerchief and blows his nose.) Awww...
Martha. Again for yours! What a bore... Do you think this is witty?
Eustaquio. Are you... not going to scream?
Martha. I?! For what?
Eustaquio. Well... Didn't I scare you?
Martha. Scared me... such a nice man? If I tell you
There's something about this family that will make your hair stand on end.
Eustaquio. I have something... I don’t understand anything... Is your name Rafaela Guzman?
(Takes out a crumpled piece of paper.) And you live...
Martha. No, don't bother. My name is Martha and I don't live here. I
arriving.
Eustaquio. My God, what a nightmare! Please excuse me... (Going to
leave the same way you came.) Ap...chhi! Apchhi! Wow, I caught a cold...
Martha. Of course... Why do you want to wander around on such a night, and what’s more?
do something like that? Come here... My God!
Eustaquio. No need to worry... Since you... Ap...chhi! Apchhi!..
Martha. But you are wet to the skin... Take off your raincoat... And all this that you have
you on
face...
Eustaquio. For God's sake! You will ruin me...
Martha. Come on... cloak... you're just like a child...
Eustaquio. Or maybe for the better... (Takes off his cloak and false nose
rubber band.)
Martha. You should be whipped... What manners...
Eustaquio. Let me introduce myself. I am the Extremaduran Satyr, although I
and it’s unpleasant to say this. Up...chhi!
Martha. Be healthy!.. (Gives him a blanket.) Throw it over yourself. And besides
what are you doing?
Eustaquio. In the mornings I go to the real estate office. I'm with them
gatekeeper. In the afternoon I do some accounts, and at night -
you saw it yourself... If you want to live, senora, know how to move around... Wife, five children...
The youngest, three years old, has measles, the eldest, Elena, is eighteen
equal... Look... (Takes photographs out of his pocket). Here they are all
five... And in the middle is my wife... When I have night work, they all don’t
They are sleeping, waiting for dad.
Martha. There's something I don't quite understand...
Eustaquio. Eustaquio... Call me Eustaquio... And Satyr is for
press. You see... When in our city some young girl
something is happening with the groom... I don't know if I'm clear enough
I express myself...
Martha. Be brave, Eustaquio, I'm not a child.
Eustaquio. So... when this happens... to me in the gatekeeper's
leave a request. And at night I climb through the window and make noise to attract
attention, but nothing like that, God forbid, I myself have little interest in these matters,
well, in a word, I make noise until she screams... And then I escape through the window, here
and that's all. I don't know if you understood me or not. Apchhi!
Martha. Not really.
Eustakno. Everything is very simple. I kind of take the blame for everything that
it happened.., And the girl is immediately married off, And almost always to the same
groom
Martha. It turns out that you are the father of half the city.
Eustaquio. Can you imagine? For the lower floors they pay seventy-five
pesetas, for each additional floor - plus twenty-five pesetas. Up...
Apchhi!
Martha. I see... Have you confused me with...?
Eustaquio. I don’t know how it happened. The houses are nearby... And now, from your
permission, I will return to my duties.., (Takes a cloak, puts on his nose.)
Martha. You're dripping, you'll get pneumonia...
Eustaquio. Calm down, senora... Every profession has its
disadvantages., Apchhi!
Martha. Here, have some coffee. It's already cooled down, but you'll still feel yourself
better.
Eustaquio. No no! Thank you very much. No worries…
Martha. Don't make me angry, Eustaquio. I order you.
Eustaquio. Well, okay... Thank you very much... (Drinks coffee.)
Martha. Nice coffee!
Eustaquio. It's a little bitter... and smells weird.
Martha. You haven’t even tried.” Come on, in one gulp...
Eustaquio. Awww! Uuummmmm! Awww...
Martha. Again for your own sake, Eustaquio? Enough is not witty.
Eustaquio (writhing in pain). Coffee... Uuummm!... Coffee. Coffee…
poisoned... (Falls to the floor.)
Martha. But... Eustaquio... What's wrong with you? Come on, get up... Come on,
gallant gentleman, rise up! Get up... (Takes a coffee cup.)
There was coffee, and it was... For me! Enrique! Enrique! Enrique! (Runs out
rooms.)
Short pause. And then Don Gregoro comes out of his room in the night
shirt and sleeping cap. He drags the Satyr's corpse to his room.
He puts the coffee cup back in its place. Enrique and Marta enter.
Enrique. Now you take these pills and sleep well until the morning.
Martha. I'm telling you, he came through the balcony door... in a raincoat... at first
jumped, howled like an animal... And then drank coffee and...
Enrique. Martha, for God's sake!
M a r t a. But it's true... Believe me, Enrique... I'm about to go crazy.
Enrique. What do you say he called himself?
Martha. The local Satyr.
Enrique. Satyr from Badajoz?.. Listen... But this is funny... Here, accept it
a pill... You just need this...
The phone rings.
I'll come... It'll wake up the whole house... (Picks up the phone.) I'm listening... Yes, I'm listening
you... What?.. (Pause.) Hello! Hello!.. How strange... (Puts the phone to
side.)
Martha (nervous). What happened, Enrique? Who called?
Enrique. I don’t know... I can’t understand... Some strange voice sang:
“The fifth of May... the sixth of June... the seventh of July... Saint Fermin...” And then
mysteriously said: “Pamplona... what the hell!” And hung up. I don't understand.
(Hangs up.)
Martha. Suitcases, Enrique! Suitcases and hat box! We went to
Pamplona!
Enrique. That's right... Suitcases and a hat box... We're lost!
Martha. Enrique!
They rush into each other's arms. And it falls quickly
A curtain.

Second act

When the curtain rises, laughter and music are heard - a twist. The scenery is the same.
The folding bed is put away again, everything looks the same as at the beginning
actions. The storm is raging with might and main. About two hours passed.
On stage, Dona Ad was eating in the same wheelchair. Next to her - on
chair, near the table with a brazier - Dona Socorro. There are no more dying groans
audible.
Adela (laughs like crazy). Oh, how funny! How many of them do you have?
remember, and everyone is so piquant!.. Whatever you tell us about, it’s all about this...
How do you know so many obscene jokes?
Socorro. I had to endure a completely impossible maid for two years, but
but she walked with a corporal from the Foreign Legion. And he told her
only even more indecent than mine... You should listen...
Adela (still laughing). Do you know... (Tells her something in
ear.) These corporals are such robbers!
Socorro. You can’t even imagine what! This one is already in the castle.
Adela. Is he a count?
Socorro. Almost. Apparently he had a bad habit of taking other people's things
without permission. Do you know any jokes?
Adela. Of course I know. But I don't know how to tell them. There were no acquaintances
corporals.
Socorro. Do you know about the parrot?.. So... (Whispers in Dona Adele’s ear,
and she bursts out laughing.)
Adela. Wonderful. But this can only be told to adults
the French...
Laura appears.
Laura.! Something happened?
Adela. Dona Socorro... says this... you'll die laughing. I have
It already hurts here. (Points to the side.)
Laura. That's it, the jokes are over. And you, Dona Socorro, are forever... not
you know how modest people should you behave when there is a dead person in the house?
Socorro. Really. We forgot about poor Don Gregorio, never again
we won’t hear his dying groans... What a disaster! Here in Badajoz we have it all
loved, you, for example, why talk about others... what a horror, here she is,
life! (Sobs.)
Adela. Okay, okay, dona Socorro, you came to cheer me up, didn't you?
please darken this day for us.
Socorro. Yes, you are right, you are right... But every good Christian...
Laura. Leave her, mom, let her feel better. After all, outside the door -
deceased grandfather, and tears won’t hurt in such a case.
Socorro. Tell me, will many people come to the vigil?
Laura. As less as possible. We will hold a vigil over this deceased in a narrow
family circle. Very modest. We are in mourning.
Adela. In addition, grandfather did not like showing off, he could not stand anyone
luxury, no Coca-Cola.
Socorro. Doña Veneranda will come any minute with her son. I
I just spoke to her on the phone and she is very excited. Oh yes! You
Do you know that Pepita's husband is studying French?
Adela. Really? Want to get hired at a hotel?
Socorro. Nothing like that... Getting ready for the tourist season...
I'm telling you... Now men study languages ​​for the sake of Swedish girls... And the husband
Pepita will eventually run away with some Swedish girl. Sooner or later.
Adela. It's right. In our time, men studied pharmacy, and
Now…
Socorro. Listen, can I go see Don Gregorio,
eternal glory to him?
Adela. Not yet, they will tell you when it is possible. Have patience.
Laura. Now my cousin Enrique is there, for more than an hour. Leads
it's in order. He's a doctor...
Adela. I arrived last night, just when you left. Will stay for the funeral. He
rides
to Portugal.
Socorro. One?
Adela. No with…
Laura. What do you care?
X ustina appears, holding a tray of cookies in her hands.
Justina. Aunt Laura, where should I put the cookies?
Adela. On the table, baby, on the table. Justina places the tray on the table with
brazier.
Laura. Dona Socorro, don't touch the cookies until the others arrive.
They are all counted.
Socorro. What about brushwood? Will there be any sickness? At the vigil of poor Seiferino,
assistant to Don Carlos, it was full of brushwood, and it turned out very nice. I'm nothing
I want to say, the owner is the master, everyone is free to organize vigils in their own way, but...
Adela. At that vigil there was a gentleman from Medina de Campo, a friend
one of the neighbors, and sang Navarrese songs. I must admit, he has a voice
beautiful.
Laura. Still would! As he sang “I am not afraid of the beast... this beast is already dead...”.
Satisfied, they begin to hum.
Adela (singing). “One brave man fought with him... and a terrible beast
finished off...” Socorro. He sings great, but I know that he filmed in Madrid
an apartment for a senorita named Chon, and he calls her Asuncion,
so that no one thinks anything.
Justina. Auntie... Aunt Laura says that I will have to mourn
according to my grandfather, ten years old. That is, everything is black. And watch only Spanish
movies... Is it really necessary to kill yourself like that?
Laura. You heard? What immorality! You don't love anyone! Other
I would burn with shame if I wore mourning a day less! And you have one on
mind - have fun. You are still drawn to a fun life. There will be no us - and
you'll end up in a brothel or worse.
Justina. Worse than a brothel? What's worse, aunt?
Adela. The daughter is right. Today's youth have only entertainment on their minds. U
poor grandfather's legs are not yet cold...
Socorro. You are absolutely right. This movie ruined them so much. Don't know,
why don’t they cut films now... Do you remember how Tarzan appears?
The doorbell rings.
Justina. Probably Liermo... Can I open it?
Laura. It’s possible, today it’s possible, it’s still mourning... Just look:
If you try to make eyes at him, we'll gouge them out for you!
Justina. Don't worry, auntie. (Satisfied and beaming, she goes to open it.)
Adela. Listen, Dona Socorro... In what form does Tarzan appear?
Socorro. Like some Englishman on the beach, only clothes
hair
Doña Veneranda enters with her son Martial, dressed as usual.
Veneranda (to Laura, bursting into tears). Baby... Baby. Not
Can you imagine how we are going through... (Kisses her.) What grief! In the prime of life...
Laura. Okay, okay, Dona Veneranda... we have to hold on. What about “in
"in the prime of life" you were joking, of course...
Veneranda. He was such a wonderful man... so generous... so
wise... What can I say - he’s just a saint, he didn’t do harm to anyone,
It happened that he would see a blind beggar, and - nothing, he would pass by... (Sobs.)
Doña Adela... my poor you! Don't get up... What a horror! Who could have expected it!
Adela. All of Badajoz, for three months now.
Veneranda. Just a few days ago I was as healthy as a cucumber... Nice
I could watch him roll himself a cigarette. What a grief! (Sobs.)
Martial (to Laura, hugging her). Laura, I have no words to express.
my condolences to you! What can you do - the law of life... In the end, everything
we are just dust... dust...
Laura. My God, who am I hearing from! Okay, okay, go eat some cookies.
Martial (Don Socorro, by mistake). What grief, Dona Socorro! (Gives
her hand.) Here is my hand for you... I am with you in your grief.
S o k o r r o. I don’t need your hand, my dear, in this grief. Give it to me
hand later, when you go to accompany you home.
Martial. What about condolences?
Soon. And no condolences needed. I am the seventh water on jelly for them, just like
your mother, and came here for a treat.
Martial takes the cookie and eats it.
Veneranda. What about brushwood? And the roast is Galician, and the sausages are from Cantimpalos
- won't there be any?
Socorro. Nothing will happen. Only cookies. Third-class vigil.
They take cookies and eat.
Veneranda. And the cookies... God knows how fresh... By the way - oh
fresh: when will it be possible to look at it?
Socorro. Later. Someone came to them from Madrid, it seems...
The women continue to talk to each other.
Martial. Doña Adela... My poor you... You know how I feel about you
my condolences. I'm just shocked.
Adela. I know... I know, my boy... but you are in such shock -
for good.
Socorro. What your son said: He just...
Veneranda. Shocked.
Socorro. Oh, well, yes... I'm infatuated, then. Who is it for? Apparently, in
some kind of trick, so he doesn’t dare say.
Martial. Oh yes! Mother and I, to ease your grief at least a little,
They brought a bottle of Benedictine with them. And almonds, real ones, from
Logroño. (He gives all this to Dona Adela.)
Socorro. What did he say? Some sins...
Veneranda. No, the nuts are almonds, real ones, from Logroño.
Socorro. And I was really scared! I thought it was not from Logroño, but from
Ciudad Real, the almonds there are not very important.
Martial (to Laura). And... how did the tragic outcome happen?
Laura. Nothing special. Heart attack in addition to inflammation
lungs, bilateral.
Adela. And the years... He was ninety-two.
Laura. And his liver was like a sieve.
Adela. But the worst thing is asthma. At least that's what mine said
nephew, and he is a doctor, arrived a few hours ago because
assumed.
Laura. The last few days have been terribly difficult... And then two hours
back the fortress finally fell.
Martial. And before she fell, did she say anything?
Laura. At that time Enrique was with his fiancee. Apparently he
He called them as best he could, sat up on the bed and said in a barely audible voice:
“Etcetera. Non plus ultra.” And he walked away.
Socorro. What did he say to the bride?
Veneranda. Nothing for the bride. And he said goodbye in Latin. Such
he was attentive!
Socorro. Apparently, he was planning something... He wanted to laugh, of course...
They continue talking to each other.
Adela. How are you, Martial? A lot of work?
Martial. Yes, senora. Tonight must finally fall
Extremaduran Satyr. I assure you.
Laura (laughs). Do not make me laugh! (Laughs.) You will catch the Satyr!
Martial. We had a signal. Tonight he will visit Rafaela Guzman,
the girl from next door. The block is cordoned off and he can't escape.
Socorro. Lord hear you, son! Maybe we are finally alone
women, let's breathe easy.
Laura. And I would like to meet him. (Dreamy.) Should
be an extraordinary man. Brave! Bold! Uncouth! It’s like that with Ilaria
I did it - it’s scary to think about it! I think I fell in love with him the first time
the day he started his stuff. But with me... With me he would never
dared... There is a reason for that.
Adela. My child, don’t say that... Otherwise the guests will think that you are not
there were applicants. (To others.) And Laura could make a wonderful part.
Laura. Yes, there was one. But he serves thirty years because of an old woman. Which
injustice! Of course, Jacobo had a knife, but the old woman could have
defend himself, and for this he gets thirty years. What an abomination! (On the verge
hysterics.) What an abomination!
Adela (blows the whistle). Enough, daughter!
Laura. Justina! Justina!
Adela. Today, I ask you, leave this number.
Laura. I can't take it anymore, mom! I can not! (It's about to explode.)
Adela. Maybe you'd like a cup of coffee?
Veneranda. I would prefer ham, Coffee keeps me from sleeping.
Socorro. Absolutely right. Pour from the bottle!
Adela blows the whistle three times and Justina appears.
Laura. Where have you gone, unfortunate one, we’re calling you, but you’re not coming?
Justina. I read Franz Kafka, funny book.
Martial. So how is it? Have you guessed who the killer is?
Justina. Almost. I was already starting to guess, and he did it! - and turned
into a grasshopper. But, of course, the grasshopper is a little Freudian.
Laura (slapping her). Shut up, despicable one! Don't you see - we have
guests, they are not interested in your nonsense. Walking out of here, brainless. Go to kitchen
and make coffee. It's already cooked, you just need to heat it up.
Justina. Okay, aunty, okay. Just don't hit me on the cheeks like that, otherwise
I’ll get tired of it someday... and then everyone will find out, so... (Leaves.)
Adela. There is no other way with her. She's talking like this, I have no idea where she is
got enough of this. In our house we have always adhered to traditional views.

Enrique and Marta come out of grandfather's room; Martha is obviously excited
that she was very tired. The face is pale, suffering. She has slippers in her hands.
Enrique. You can come in. Now it's okay, you can look at
him.
Martha. Please... Chair! (Sits down.) I don’t feel good.
Laura. This is my cousin Enrique. Traumatologist.
Socorro. Poor thing!
Veneranda. And what is it?
Socorro. Like a hairdresser, honey, only cleaner.
Adela. Don Marcial Hernandez, detective.
Martial and Enrique shake hands.
My nephew Enrique, passing through from Madrid.
Martial. There are no words to express my condolences to you.
Enrique. Thank you.
Martial. I knew Don Gregorio well and was simply shocked by what happened.
It will not be easy for Badajoz to cope with his death. Don Gregorio left here
mine
track.
Veneranda. Have you noticed how my son expresses his thoughts?
Adela. And these two ladies - Dona Socorro and Dona Veneranda - are close
friends at home. They came to be with us.
Enrique. Sirs, I am entirely at your service.
Veneranda. And we are at your disposal, day and night.
Enrique (gives Marta a pill). Take it, Martha, you will calm down.
Martha swallows a pill.
The poor thing is very impressionable.
Martha. Enrique, let's leave quickly. I can not do it anymore.
Laura (quietly, Enrique). These gentlemen would like to see grandfather. And so do we.
The last time we saw him alive.
Adela. That is life.
Enrique. Yes, yes, come in. You will see that he has changed a little. For death
there were so many different reasons, and his facial expression, character,
even hair.
Martial. This happens often. The nose must have gotten sharper, hasn't it?
Enrique. So... that's it... very, very sharpened. Come in,
please come in, just don't touch anything.
Both old women and Martial enter grandfather's room.
What lies in the coffin in the cassock of a Franciscan monk is Don
Gregorio.
Martha (bursts into tears). Horrible! Horrible!
Enrique. What about you, Martha? Law of life. We'll all be there. Come on,
calm down, calm down.
Martial appears.
Martial. Don Enrique, please come into the room. Mother doesn't
maybe don Gregorio should put something on, it seems like an amulet.
Enrique. I'm coming, I'm coming, this minute. Just don't touch anything.
Martial returns to his grandfather's room.
Martha, pull yourself together.
Martha. Leave me alone. I feel bad. I... will go to the bathroom and wash my face
cold water might make it better. (He goes into the bathroom.)
Enrique. Poor thing, I was completely upset! Finally. And you won't go
look at grandpa?
Adela. Yes, yes, let's go now.
There is noise coming from the room. Martial appears.
Martial. Hurry up, otherwise his mother will tickle him, check if he really
died.
Enrique. I'm coming. Let's see what's going on there. (He goes to grandpa’s room.)
Adela. She doesn't seem to have had any coffee.
Laura. Or it didn't work. Or maybe my hand trembled, and I didn’t
poured it. Out of habit.
Adela. It's good that there is potassium cyanide left.
Laura. Let's brew more coffee and pour it to both of them at once.
Adela. Yes, daughter, the sooner the better. Do you see the suitcase? stands above
laughs at us.
Laura. I see, mom, I see. Patience. A little more - and he will be ours.
(Pushes the wheelchair towards the door to grandfather’s room.) How happy I am!
Finally, life smiled on us.
Adela. It is high time. And then I began to think that you are a loser, daughter
my. Just don't try to do anything while Martial is here. He can do anything
spoil.
Laura. Don't worry, mom, don't worry.
Adela. Let's go take a look at grandpa and please his eyes.
They are approaching the door.
Laura. Mom, I'm completely happy. A little more and we will live
happily! Mom, I’ll buy you a pair of trotters - a treat!
Adela. Quiet, quiet, crazy girl! You're keeping me from concentrating, so we
We can’t go in to see grandpa. All you need to do is take a sip of wine and shout:
“I’m not afraid of the beast...” Hold your enthusiasm, we’ll be left alone, then...
Laura. OK, Mom. Let's go. Grandfather is waiting for us.
They enter the deceased's room. Long pause. All you can hear is the sound of rain.
The door of a large closet quietly opens, and grandfather's head pokes out.
sleeping cap. Don Gregorio looks around the room, making sure that she
empty, and comes out of the closet. He is wearing a long nightgown and slippers,
shoulders - a blanket. He carefully goes to the phone, picks it up,
dials the number. He speaks very quietly, trying not to be heard.
Gregorio. Hello... Can I call Pirula? You can ask for Pirula
phone? No, my throat is hoarse. Pirulu! P-Paris... No, not from Paris
she is from Guadalajara.
Justina appears at the door.
Xustia. Hi Grandpa! What are you doing here? Got out of bed again!
I'll tell my aunt...
Gregorio (into the phone). Okay, no need, don't worry. (Places
phone.) Well, beauty, how are you? Justina. Oh, I didn’t even notice why
are you not in a coffin?
Gregorio. It’s become boring, so I think: I’ll go and stretch my numb limbs.
Khustina. Ah-ah-ah... Why are they numb?
Gregorio. You see, the box was not the right size, it was a little cramped. To me
it's uncomfortable. It presses.
Khustina. This is just the beginning, the first years. And then you'll get used to it, that's it
you'll see. Every thing feels tight at first, and then wears out. Listen,
grandfather, tell your aunts not to force me to mourn ten
years.
The doorbell rings. Grandfather is worried.
Gregorio. Go, beauty, open it. They're calling.
X u s t i n a. They're coming. Probably Liermo. “The shepherdess was dancing,
La la la la la la…". (Humming, he goes to open the door.)
Grandfather, left alone, again hides in his hiding place - in the closet.
Enter Liermo and X at Stine. He has a hat box and a suitcase in his hands. Llermo
puts things on the floor. He was soaked to the skin.
Llermo. Doesn't let up. Like out of a bucket. And the damned suitcases weigh
Be healthy. Listen, Justina, have Don Enrique and this lady left yet?
X u s t k i a. They are here in grandpa's room.
Llermo. Wonderful, wonderful, Justina, finally we are alone! (Look at
Hustin, after a pause.) But we haven’t been alone for a long time, Hustin.
Justina. Still would! What a weirdo. Is it my fault that you didn’t grow up as a child?
did they give you vitamins?
Llermo. These are lies, Justina! I'm not infertile. Specially
They made it up so that I wouldn’t live with you. And if so... why not give it to me?
try? Justina, I love you! I...
Justina. Stop it, Llermo! What are you looking at... Get used to it: the eye sees, but
tooth…
Llermo. If you want, we can get on a motorcycle this minute and leave Badajoz.
Do you understand that I can't live without you? You are my wife, my partner in life,
I can force you.
Justina. Oh, what a bad boy!
Llermo. Okay, I’ll continue to earn money at the first opportunity
I'll get you out of here and take you to Madrid so you can admire the street
Serrano.
Justina. You say terrible things. That's right, I read it in some
American comedy. Besides... it’s indecent to say such a thing to a girl from
Extremadura. Clean and unspoiled.
Llermo. Justina! Say you don't love me and my legs are no longer here
will not be.
Justina. Okay, just don't tell anyone... I think I love you everything
more from time to time...
Llermo. Justina! My wife!
They kiss for a long time, passionately.
Justina. How rude! Or maybe the aunts are wrong! Suddenly you are real
man!
Llermo. Let's go now... you'll see for yourself. And if I turn out to be worthless,
I'll never bother you again.
X u s t n i a. Okay... Just keep in mind: I'm demanding... Let's go...
They go to the door and are met by Martha, a little nervous.
Martha. Hello Llermo! Are you leaving?
Justina. Yes, senora. If grandpa asks me, tell me what
I went to take the exam with Liermo.
Llermo. My poor thing! Grandfather won't even be able to ask anymore
what time is it now.
Justina (laughs). My stupid one. I just saw him. He was
here, he went out to stretch his numb limbs.
Llermo. Justina! It is not true!
Khustnyaa (slaps him in the face). Is it true!
Martha. This can't be true, honey.
Justina. But this is the honest truth. I think he got up to call
Pirule.
Enrique appears, he heard the last phrase.
Enrique. In my opinion, Justina, this is a bad joke. It's not good to scare people.
Justina. I don't care whether you believe it or not. I saw him! I him
I saw and talked to him!
Enrique. Justina, you will make me angry!
Martha. Okay, stop arguing. Since the girl claims that she saw
grandfather, which means she saw him. You never lie, right?
Khrustina. Of course, never. And for this Aunt Laura wants to cut me off
language.
Martha. Then tell me... I'm just wondering: that coffee that you
brought it to my bed, who gave it to you?
Justina. I made the coffee myself, I'm dexterous. And two spoons of cyanide
Aunt Laura put potassium in it. She said that you like it stronger.
Llermo. Sugar, you scoundrel! Sugar, not potassium cyanide! You're like that sometimes
You're saying that fear is taking over me.
Martha. Did you hear, Enrique? Your cousin Laura. Are you sure? But
Why? Why? I will go crazy.
Enrique (saw the suitcase and box). Why are things here? Answer! Why
are they here?
Llermo. I was just about to say it, but I didn’t have time. I arrived at the station and
it's locked there. There will be no trains until tomorrow.
Enrique (grabs Llermo by the breasts). What have you been doing all this time?
Answer! Have you opened your suitcases?
Llermo. Hey, calm down. And accept your hands. Well, of course, I opened the suitcases. AND
Please know that I didn’t go to any station. (Pause.) Well, were you surprised? Do you think that
Am I not only barren, but also a fool?
Enrique, very worried, does not know what to do.
M a r t a. What's in the suitcase? You said: Armando's things, nothing
valuable.
Liermo (laughs). Did he say so? Witty!
The door opens and Martial enters.
Martial. So, I must leave you. Hello Guillermo! How are you?
Llermo. We spin and spin. (Nervous.) Everything is so difficult, you know...
Martial (lighting his pipe). Yes Yes. However, you are kind of strange. Me
it's hard to deceive. Are you hiding anything from me?
Justina. He is terribly afraid of the dead, Don Marcial. But there is no need to be afraid
dead people, but motorcycles, right?
Martial. That's it, baby. OK. I went. Tonight I
I have a feeling things will happen. I smell... I smell... (Stumbles over a suitcase.) These
there were no suitcases here. Llermo, yours? Where did you get them? Answer! And don't you dare
lie to Martial!
Llermo. Well, why... so to speak...
Enrique. My suitcases. I sent Liermo to check them in as luggage. But,
apparently he was late.
Martial (raises the suitcases). Heavy. Eighty kilograms. A
maybe they contain currency, drugs, contraband?
Enrique. Don Marcial! Are we like smugglers?
Martha. If you want, let's open it. Medical supplies. For
work.
Martial looks at the suitcases, doesn’t know what to do.
Martial. Joke. I love embarrassing people. (Places the suitcases on the floor.) Okay,
I'm leaving. I'll be nearby. As soon as the Satyr appears, he is finished.
Mark my words: tonight is an important night in the life of our city.
(Goes to the door.) Stay happy. (Leaves.)
Enrique grabs his suitcases and wipes the sweat from his forehead.
Llermo. IN good hour, maestro! Don't be afraid of me. I am at your service. A
You and I could handle things, we have something to do.
Justina. Don't listen to him brother. He tells me the same thing.
Llermo. I would be the hands, and you would be the head. By the way, about the head. Here
this…
Enrique (not letting him speak). Listen, friend, you can swear
mother, why didn’t they open the suitcases?
Llermo. And a hat box. (Laughs.) A worthy spectacle! You just
devil.
Martha. Can we finally find out what’s in this ill-fated suitcase?
Llermo. Go and find out what’s there. I used onions for my dried heads.
And people think they are real. And here…
Enrique. That's enough. I don't like this conversation.
Martha. Enrique, for some time now I have absolutely no idea what
is happening. It feels like I'm in a labyrinth: as soon as the light breaks,
you immediately run into a dead end. Here look. Your sister tried me
poison, right?
Justina. So. Potassium cyanide. Do you want me to show you?
Martha. Yes, go get it, honey.
Justina. I'll be there in a jiffy. You'll see now. (Leaves.)
Martha. Then this man growled and jumped here... Satyr...
Llermo. I'll tell you a secret, I think there is no Satyr of Extremaduran in the world
no and never has been. Our mayor invented it so that tourists
lure When word spread that he was doing this, the Swedes immediately came here
come, English women and even ladies from Zamora.
Martha. After phone call. Who could it be, Enrique? None
knows we're here.
Llermo. It was me, senora. I called on the phone and said: “First
January, second February..." (Laughs.)
Enrique. Well, Liermo, what an entertainer!
Justina's voice. Martha! Martha! Come here, I can't find cyanide
potassium
Martha. Sorry, I'll be a minute. I'm coming, Justina! (Goes to the kitchen.)
Llermo. See you soon, maestro. I return to my lair. You know,
where to find me. Just tell me, I’ll do everything in at its best. (Leaves.)
Enrique goes to the door and makes sure it is locked. Heading towards
a suitcase with jewelry, opens it and smiles contentedly,
finding that everything is in place.
Eirike. Shhh! Hey! Grandfather...grandfather...You can go out.
The cabinet door opens carefully. Grandfather comes out of the closet in clothes
Satire, namely, in a cloak and hat.
Gregorio. Ugh! I thought I would never get out of the damn closet.
Enrique. What are you dressed up in?
Gregorio. Poor Eustaquio's outfit. And he is dressed in mine. I almost
numb from the cold. Did no one notice the change?
Enrique. Nobody, not even Martha. People treat the dead with great respect
respect. And this dead man was sent to us by Providence! What do you intend
do?
Gregorio. Get out of here. And as soon as possible. (Dials a phone number.)
Well, they will make faces when they find out that I left and the whole family fortune
grabbed it! (Into the phone.) Pirula... It's me, Gregorio, your Goito... Yes, that's it
excellent... Then I'll tell you... Ten minutes later on the square, on
bench... Yes, where are the pigeons...
The door to Grandfather's room opens and Doña Socorro appears.
Socorro. Poor fellow! It's like he's sleeping. I'll go make a phone call. You know,
Tonight we are waiting for the first kidney stone to pass... Ah... Busy...
(To Don Gregorio.) Good evening.
Gregorno. Good evening. I'm finishing up right now.
Socorro. Nothing, nothing. I'll call you later. I'm in no hurry. What a grief! This
terrible! (Goes to the door. To Enrique.) Do you know who I thought he looked like?
this gentleman in a raincoat?
Enrique. I know. To Don Gregorio.
Socorro. What a grief! This is life! Dear God! I'll go again
I'll take a look at the poor thing. (Enters grandfather's room.)
Gregorio (into the phone). Okay... Don't be late... No, nothing... Well,
bye... (Hangs up.) That's all.
Enrique. Be careful, grandpa. A certain Martial with his fellows
surrounded the block.
Gregorio. So it's time to go. When Martial is on guard -
no danger. This is our city madman.
Eirike. Grandfather... I want to ask you one favor.
Gregorio. Be brave, son. If it's within my power...
Enrique. I don’t know how to start... I’m at a loss. (Pause.) Grandfather... I
bad. Yes, yes, bad.
Gregorio. Be brave, my boy, be brave... It's about about Martha. Right?
Enrique. Yes, grandpa. Martha is a married woman. And what I did was
not good. Her husband... was my friend... my teacher... Thanks to him I
I learned everything I know... Gregorio. You and Martha love each other, right?
Enrique. That's right, grandpa.
Gregorio. Does she have money?
Enrique. Look... (Shows him the contents of the suitcase with
jewelry.) Well, do I have taste?
Gregorio. Bravo, boy! Are you tormented by your conscience? You're just an artist! A
the good-natured husband probably has no idea about anything, right? (Laughs.)
Some husbands never figure it out.
Enrique. And in fact, he knows nothing.
Gregorio. Well done! (Laughs slyly.)
Enrique. Martha's husband, Dr. Molinos, my friend, my teacher... in this
suitcase... and in a hat box.
Gregorio. Enrique!
Enrique (introducing them to each other). Dr. Molinos... My grandfather.
Thunder Strike.
Gregorio. Ras…
Enrique. Dismembered.
Gregorno. Does Marta know?
Enrique. And he has no idea. Armando unexpectedly found out about our relationship,
I had no choice: I had to perform an autopsy on him... unfortunately, he was alive.
And now I regret it. I didn't mean to go that far... but losing Martha... with
jewelry... I'm just crazy! And to prove that everything is clean
True, I brought it with me and was going to check it in as luggage to Pamplona. Because
that more than anything in the world he loved the festival of Sanfermin. How he shouted at
bullfight! And when the bulls were driven into the arena, he ran ahead, wearing white trousers and a
take a Basque beret! It made my heart happy to watch. The spitting image of an Englishman. (Pause.)
Do you think I did a bad thing?
Gregorio. I always said that you will go far, my boy... When
you were a child, this family, these monsters, called you a sadist.
Enrique. I want to ask you: take it with you. And at the first
If possible, send your luggage to Pamplona. He will be very grateful to you.
Gregorio. Luck in life is the first thing. You helped me a lot today and I
I can't refuse you. Suitcase and hat box?
Enrique (hugs him). Thank you, grandpa. I will never forget this.
Gregorio. Nonsense. You are for me today, I am for you tomorrow. Noise.
Enrique. Quicker! Hide! I think they are coming here.
Grandfather hides in the closet again, Laura enters.
Laura. Enrique, are you alone? I'm glad. How to understand this? Are you kidding?
Enrique. Do not understand what you talking about.
Laura. You understand perfectly well, but you can’t joke with me. Who's that lying in
coffin, with such a serious look, as if a dead man?
Enrique. Like who? Grandfather. Who else?
Laura. Ha ha! No matter how it is! Grandfather was much nastier. And this one
looks like a basque.
Enrique. Well, you know, some people win outwardly with death, and then,
Of course, they change again. I've been researching this, Laura. They become completely
pale, the nose becomes pointed. And this is always beautiful.
Laura. And the mustache?
Enrique. Did you notice? Mustache... so what? Do they suit him? I believe that a man
You should generally wear a mustache. Mustaches and military service are the only thing
distinguishes a man from a woman.
Laura. Grandpa never had a mustache! What more! No beard!
Enrique. What nonsense! All men have mustaches. They just shave them, and
others don't, but I think you should wear a mustache. Only the elephant has no mustache. Because of
trunk, I guess. But the elephant has memory. (Falls into thoughtfulness.)
Laura. Are you taking me for a complete fool?
Dona Socorro appears.
Socorro. Poor fellow! It's so serious, just think! Yes, Laura,
ask your brother when the rest of the musicians will arrive.
Laura. Leave me, dona Socorro, I have no time for you. She claims that
musicians from the ensemble should come. Allegedly she had already seen one, he
talked on the phone.
Socorro. Pure truth. Isn't that right, young man?
Enrique. Quite right, senora.
Laura. Enrique, let's go talk. We need to end this now.
Enrique. Laura, I assure you...
Laura. Strange things are happening. The sooner we find out, the better.
Enrique. Agree. Went.
Enrique and Laura go to grandfather's room. Dona Socorro, with interest
listening to the last phrases, remains alone. He goes to the phone and dials the number.
Don Gregorio carefully crawls out of the closet and goes to the suitcases and hat
box, picks them up and intends to climb out through the balcony onto the street. But
changes his mind, leaves the suitcase, takes the suitcase with jewelry.
He is about to jump off the balcony, but then Dona Socorro notices him.
Socorro. Listen, are you leaving already?
Gregorio. I'm leaving, but I'll be back in a minute.
Socorro. Uh... along with the others?
Gregorio. Well, of course. Along with everyone else. You'll see.
Socorro. Wait, do you know the song “Carnations”?
Gregorio. Of course, senora. This is what we do best.
Socorro. So: don’t sing it. I can't stand this song. Best wishes.
Gregorio. Best wishes. (Removes through the balcony with Martha's suitcase
and with a hat box.)
A large suitcase remains on the stage, which, apparently, contains
the body of Armando Molinos.
Socorro (on phone). Is that you, Rosario? Who is asking for it? "Ambulance
help”... yes, Socorro. Hello, honey! Yes, I'm calling from them. Don't you dare
come. Have you already put the sailor suit on the boy? So what, listen to me. This
the most meager vigil in my memory. Don Gregorio... Didn't even take communion.
Undress and go to bed. This is something... A shot is heard from the street.
Bye, Rosario, goodbye... I'll go and see what's on the street... It seems
festive fireworks. (Hangs up. Goes to Don Gregorio’s room.)
The sound of running people can be heard from the street. Whistles, shots. Long pause.
All you can hear is the sound of rain. Laura comes out of grandpa's room, pushing in front of
a wheelchair with Doña Adela.
Adela. Don't do this again. In no case! I won't let you
daughter!
Laura. But mom!
Adela. I said no! To have it in last time. I just don't
I can come to my senses.
Laura. I'm telling you, it was necessary.
Adela. What barbarity! Pull a man out of a coffin, put him on his butt
and measure it as if it were a recruit and not a dead man!
Laura. But mom, how tall was grandpa?
Adela. Well... one meter sixty-five, like any normal Spaniard.
Laura. And this monk?
Adela. Don't know. But remember what Enrique said... Maybe he will be the last
the moment stretched out.
Laura. And the face? Have you seen his face?
Adela. Daughter! What are you saying! That's how I looked at it, in general. This is a dead man
and not a Swedish brand that needs to be examined with a magnifying glass.
Laura. Mom, this one, who lies in a coffin in a monastic cassock, has a mustache.
Adela. Just think! Or maybe he really is a monk.
Laura. Anyone but grandpa. I'm absolutely sure of this.
Adela. Where is he then? Do you think that Enrique...
Laura. I'm convinced. Remember, he didn’t let us into grandpa’s for two whole hours.
room.
Adela. Babe! You're scaring me. So... this one that lies in the room...
Dona Socorro enters very quickly and quickly heads towards
phone, dials a number.
Socorro. Rosario? It's me, Ambulance. Yes, again... Quickly, put it on
little sailor suit, take your husband, put a ribbon around your neck and quickly come here... Treats
almost none! But they pulled Don Gregorio out of the coffin, put him on his feet,
They're going to take you to a bullfight or something! And their nephew, he’s a doctor, shaves
he has a mustache... Just look, they'll put a cigar in his mouth... Hurry up. Bye... (Places
phone.) Aren’t you interested in looking at this?
Laura. Shaving off his mustache, you say?
Socorro. Well, yes! And Dona Veneranda draws an anchor on his hand, exactly
which Don Gregorio had... worn off, probably... Okay... I went... (Quickly
leaves.)
Laura. Well, are you convinced now, mom?
Adela. Yes, now there is no doubt. Enrique started something, but we don’t know what
we know. But the jewelry is still here... You don’t have to worry about grandpa, and
the jewelry and money are ours. And with that, we’ll add some more cyanide. WITH
with or without milk... It doesn't matter.
Laura. Okay, mom. This time I won't miss. let's open
suitcase. It's better to take the jewelry out of there. And let's look at the passport again,
you never know... (Goes to the suitcase.)
Adela. Greed haunts you. Watch out baby! The hour is not exactly
They’ll come in, it’s not good if they see you rummaging through your suitcase.
Laura. You have prejudices, like decent and hard-working people, they are
they are destroyed. (Opening the suitcase.) Well, finally!
Adela (drives closer). Come on... come on...
Laura. How strange! Place the jewelry in a black plastic bag.
A de la. Yeah... And also tie it with a rope, like a sausage.
Laura. Wonderful... Very... Let's expand.
Martha appears with a tray with cups of coffee on it.
Martha. What a great night!’. A cup of coffee works wonders. Listen,
In my opinion, it’s not good to rummage through someone else’s suitcase.
L a u r a. But if the content is so strange...
M a r t a. I don't see anything strange. Clothing, personal belongings, passport,
jewelry. Adela. And you keep it all in a black plastic bag,
tied with rope?
Martha. What did you say?
Llermaud enters, dripping wet, holding a hat box in his hands; after
him - Justina.
Llermo. Gone again! Amazing man!
Justina. Who left?
Llermo. Extremaduran Satyr. About fifteen people were chasing him, and...
Enrique appears and listens to Llermo's story.
And he left everyone hanging. He ran faster than a deer.
Laura. You saw him? Beautiful?
Llermo. I saw it from afar. In a raincoat and a huge hat. And from some
From the balconies, women encouraged him and threw flowers. Exciting!
Martha. So he didn't die. God bless. (Goes to the balcony, looks out onto the street.)
Llermo. Here you go. I don’t know how the Satyr contrived, but only he
visited your house and stole this box. (Gives away the hatbox.) On the run
threw it, I saw it and brought it. Well, smart guy Llermo?
Laura. Have you been to our house? Strange. Mom, maybe he’s finally made up his mind...
I'm unmarried!
Adela. Daughter, you speak as if he is not a geek, but an engineer.
The doorbell rings.
Laura. Strange! Who would it be?
Justina. Open?
Laura. Open up, you bastard.
Justina. I went. If it's a Satyr with a wedding ring, will I let him in?
Laura. Don't joke like that, despicable one. Love is a noble feeling.
Justina goes to open the door.
Marta (to Enrique). Enrique, you're right. I acted like a fool. This senor
He probably just fainted, and then...
Enrique. Okay, let's not talk about this anymore.
Everyone is silent. Martial appears on the threshold. Behind him is Justina.
Martial. Good evening. (Takes out a pipe, fills it, lights it.)
Laura (bursts into laughter). Come in, come in, “The Thunderstorm of Badajoz” (Not
stopping laughing.) Where is Satyr? Where are you taking him? Didn't you promise us
tonight... Oh, you toy Sherlock Holmes! (He laughs and bursts into tears.)
So... you can tear your stomach. Adela. Okay, that's enough, Laura.
Martial looks around at those present one by one, as if savoring
situation.
Llermo. Look how he laughs!
Justina. I've only seen her laugh so hard once - that was when
a mine exploded and thirty-six miners were killed. Three hours straight
she laughed, then I had to put a compress on her lower back.
Enrique. Apparently you came for your mother, commissar?
Martial. Not only. Laugh for your own pleasure first, we'll see
who will laugh last.
Enrique. What do you want to say?
Martial. That it's in vain. I know everything. (Enters the room.)
Adela (blows the whistle). Baby, stop it, Martial knows everything.
Pause.
Martial. I feel sorry for you. The criminal always ends up at a loss.
Justina. Beautiful words. Did you come up with it yourself?
Martial. No, my father.
Enrique. I'm sorry. You just said that you know everything. A
What exactly do you know?
Martial. For example, about a suitcase. (Lights his pipe.)
Long pause. Everyone looks at each other.
Justina. Well! You know about the suitcase! You know about the suitcase! Aunt,
Auntie, Martial knows about the suitcase. What about the suitcase?
Martial. This will be the pinnacle of my career.
Laura. Okay, Martial, that's enough. Get to the point. What kind of suitcase are you
mean? And what do we, peaceful provincials, have to do with some
suitcase?
Martial. Now you'll find out. Doña Adela, I'm so sorry about this
happens in your house and at such inopportune moments, but I have to do
own responsibilities. Llermo, do me a favor and come with me.
Llermo. Who? I? What about me? What have I done?
Martial. Don't you really know? And opium, marijuana, hashish, morphine,
insulin? All possible drugs. All conceivable and inconceivable smuggling
conceivable and inconceivable goods: lighters, transistors, nylon underwear,
prohibited magazines, and in addition a complete collection of extremely curious postcards.
All this is hidden in your room, in your suitcase.
Llermo. You have to live. A small hack, for breaking in.
Martial. I've been following the trail for several months now. I knew it was contraband
comes from Portugal, and today I finally revealed everything. Let's go, boy.
Martha. Not good, Llermo.
Llermo. Did I know? They gave me money to carry things
Wherever they ordered, I wore it. So what to do?
Laura. What a disgrace! There is a criminal in our family!
Adela. Personally, I never liked this guy.
Martial. Well, Llermo, let's go.
Llermo. Went. Goodbye, Justina. Remember me at least sometimes.
Justina. Come to your place and grab the scarf I knitted for you.
It will come in handy. And behave yourself. They won't execute you. Don't look at night
go outside, especially in winter. Well! Goodbye and be smart.
Martha. Farewell, Llermo. Dont be upset. Anything happens in life
and everything passes. Everything in the world passes, and you are still young. You still have everything
ahead.
Llermo. Yes of course. And I really liked you too.
Martial. Went. Don't worry, you don't need to accompany me. I know
the road. Tell your mother that I will come for her in a while. AND
sorry for these unpleasant minutes. Goodbye.
Both leave. Long pause.
Laura. What does it mean - the conscience is restless! Really, brother? How are you
turned pale.
Enrique. I? For what? What nonsense!
Martha. Enrique, what does your cousin want to say?
Laura. You'll find out in a minute. I don't like people who hide something. U
In our family, morality comes first. You, senora, are married, not so
is it?
Martha. Yes, yes. But I love Enrique. My husband and I did not understand each other.
Adela. Is he Swedish?
Martha. No, but still. He is twenty years older than me, even more.
I never loved him. And I married him only because of two things, so
serious, that they can persuade a woman like me to marry a smart and bald
a man. He loved me and was a millionaire.
Adela. Smart - and a millionaire? And you say that he is not Swedish?
Martha. No, he's from Cordoba, but he was lucky - he won the lottery. A
then I met Enrique, and we decided to leave Spain and start a new
life.
Laura. With the same lottery money...
Martha. No, I only took my jewelry with me... Gifts,
which he gave to me.
Adela. And in a hat box?
Martha. I swear to you... I don’t know...
Enrique. Well, okay... This interrogation, in my opinion, is simply ridiculous, besides,
you have no right to it...
Laura. In my opinion, everything is very strange... Enrique, who lies in the coffin? AND
why do you keep your jewelry in a black plastic bag?
Enryake. How! What are you saying?
Adela. Yes... in this suitcase... I saw it myself, and even bandaged
rope.
Enrique. Like this? Martha, leave us for a moment. Go look at
grandfather I need to talk to my family.
Martha. Okay, Enrique, okay. (He goes to grandpa’s room.)
Enrique (goes to the suitcase, opens it). Damn it! (Starts
laugh.) You fooled us great, grandpa! Great!
Adela. What are you saying?
Laura (Justine). Honey... Go to the kitchen.
Khustina. Warm up the coffee?
Laura. Yes, yes... Just leave.
Justina comes out with some coffee.
Well, finally speak, we are listening.
Enrique. Want to know who's in the coffin? Know: Extremaduran Satyr.
Adela. What's happened?
L a u r a. Are you crazy? Do you want to annoy me?
Enryake. He drank the coffee you prepared for Martha. Grandfather about
guessed it to everyone, and the two of us came up with a plan for how he could escape from here in his clothes
Satire and with all your money... You fooled us great, grandpa!
Great! You must be bursting with laughter right now! Robber!
Adela. Oh, daughter... How similar all this is to the truth.
Enrique. The story doesn't end there. Grandfather took away the suitcase with
Martha's jewelry. And he left us this and a hat box.
Laura. What's in them? Money too?
Enrique. It's cold, sister, very cold... My family is stupider than
I thought. They feature Dr. Molinos... The complete set: head and body... Voila!
Laura. You're lying!
Enrique. Open?
Adela. Thank God, your dad did his dirty deed on time... Otherwise
I'd be paralyzed right now.
Enrique. That's it... Your nephew Enrique... black sheep... one
in a word, you see for yourself, he’s just as crazy as the rest of you. Because already
I’ve been carrying these suitcases with me for twelve hours and still haven’t hanged myself.
Pause.
Laura. Witty! And people naively believe that the dead man is in that
room!
Adela. Goodbye travel! Farewell, Our Lady of Lourdes!
Enrique. Why the hell did I want to spend the night in this damned house? I
I knew what kind of people you were. I always knew.
Justina appears with coffee and coffee cups.
Justina. And here comes the coffee. (He goes around everyone in turn.) How about you, brother -
with or without milk? Enryake. Without.
Justina pours it for him and he drinks.
Laura. With milk, a little bit.
Justina pours it, Laura drinks.
Justina. What about you, auntie?
Adela. To me? For me - poison...To die.
X u s t i n a. Well, it will be, auntie. Keep it... very tasty. (Pours
her.) Milk... Adela. No, don’t... Better black... like all of us... (Drinks.)
Khustiyaa. Well, we finally had some fun! And I had no time for fun...
Now I’m as cheerful and contented as a Christmas tree... Russian Christmas tree,
of course.
Laura. Honey, what did you put in your coffee?
Enrique. Strange taste... And it smells like a station buffet.
Adela. Smells like potassium cyanide. This smell is just as familiar to me
French perfume.
Laura. What did you put in your coffee? Answer!
Khustiyaa. And what else? The white powder that I brought in the evening... This is not
sugar?
Laura. Justina!
Justina. Did I do something wrong? My God, no matter what I do, I won’t
so... Well... Turn your cheek again?
Laura. Don't... now it doesn't matter. (Sits down at the table with a brazier.)
Adela. Enrique... We're all finished!
Enrique. Yes, auntie... There are three empty places in hell... waiting for us. (Sits down
on a chair.)
Pause.
Justina. What is this... Everyone has become so serious! Well! Have fun!
Grandfather died... What else do you need? Would you like me to tell you what I’m reading about now?
No, I’d better go get the doll, she makes you fall asleep so well... Well, what are you talking about?
people, I just don’t understand you... Okay... I’ll go get the doll right away
have fun... (Sings.) “I want to become tall and slender, and grow to
moon... Oh-oh-oh!.. And grow to the moon, and grow to the moon”... (Singing,
comes out.)
Adela. Daughter, maybe I should call the doctor?
Laura. It’s useless... Doctors no longer treat, but give lectures.
Adela. You are a doctor, Enrique... What should I do?
Enrique. The same as me: pray... and wait: what if you get lucky?
Martha appears.
Martha. It's getting light... And the rain has stopped. It seems: a new day is coming, and
The terrible night with nightmares ended.
(Pause.)
The three characters on stage do not move. Martha doesn't look at them. It seems,
she
is about to cry. Justina's children's song can be heard from afar.
I decided: I won’t go with you... and don’t ask why. You yourself
someday you will answer this question. Terrible, Enrique, I love you very much,
more than life, but I’m returning to Madrid, to my husband... And it’s better that we never
We didn't see you again. It was necessary to immediately, without hesitating a minute, go to
Portugal... I asked you, Enrique, to take me away... And you still
kept repeating: my family, my only relatives... Dear, handsome old man...
an unfortunate paralyzed woman... her daughter, a good-natured old maid... and
poor baby, mentally retarded... Peaceful, calm home... they are all for you
I will really like them... they are part of my life. I didn’t want to, I said that I wouldn’t
why: that Portugal is very close... and you, you... Enrique, didn’t listen
me…
It's getting light outside the window. Martha, without looking at those present, takes her coat and,
He turns off the light and goes out. Three people on stage sit motionless, illuminated by the morning
light falling through the balcony door. Justina enters with a doll and sings:
“I’ll put a blue dress on the doll...” He looks at those sitting and says nothing
Understanding, he sits down on the floor and cradles his doll Rosalinda. Falls very slowly
A curtain

—————————————————————
Ed. magazine “Modern Drama”, 1991
OCR: Valentin Lupenko

Kommersant, March 3, 2003

Murder has a woman's face

Spanish passions in "Satyricon"

On the small stage of the Satyricon Theater they played the premiere of the play "The Killers of Extremaduran" based on the play "Potassium Cyanide with or without Milk" by the Spanish playwright Milian.

MARINA SHIMADINA, who attended the premiere, regretted that in Russian the word “murderer” does not change according to gender. Once upon a time St. Petersburg’s Small came to Moscow on tour Theatre of Drama

with the play "To Madrid, to Madrid". There, girls dressed in black screamed angrily, depicting Spanish passions, dreaming of poisoning their grandfather and escaping from their Extremaduran outback to the capital. I never found out how it ended, because I left in the middle, wondering who and why now needs to stage such crazy plays. It turned out that it was necessary, and not only for some theatrical outcasts.

According to the plot, a crippled mother, an old maid daughter, a fool girl, a scoundrel nephew and compassionate neighbors, wandering from christenings to funerals, tasting sausages and festive firewood, dream of only one thing - to see their grandfather, who is emitting heart-rending screams somewhere behind the stage. , quickly taken to heaven. For the colorful Spanish family, the director spared no cliches: if a young man is a sultry and wobbling temperamental handsome man, if a fool is sure to have a lisp, cross-eyed and with an eternally open mouth, curious neighbors are sure to have an unhealthy sparkle in their eyes, gagged bottoms and magpie chatter. But the most interesting thing in this play is that all its characters turn out to be not what they seemed at first. The old maid and puritan Laura, ready to incinerate her brother's fiancée with contempt for her painted lips, is ready, without the slightest remorse, to poison her for money and run away from home with the Extremaduran satyr - a local sexual maniac. He, in turn, turns out to be an exemplary family man and the father of five children and climbs into the girls’ windows by appointment, so that their mothers have someone to blame for the sin that happened to their daughter. A loving brother and caring lover, Enrique, as it turns out, stole someone else's wife for her husband's money, whose dismembered body he carries with him in two suitcases. But the most distinguished figure will be the grandfather, who will escape from his deathbed, taking with him his young mistress and the entire family fortune.

Theater "Satyricon", which last season produced two blockbuster performances, claiming " Golden mask", - "Signor Todero is the owner" by Robert Sturua and "Macbett" by Yuri Butusov, and now he is preparing for the premiere of "A Profitable Place" directed by Konstantin Raikin himself and with a star cast, he can afford "The Killers of Extremaduran". There is little meaning, but The material for the actor's imagination is beyond the roof. Therefore, the director of the play, Igor Voitulevich, who had already worked at Satyricon on the historical drama The Lion in Winter, was not required to invent any director's concepts or original interpretations of Milyanov's plot. It was enough to separate the actors according to the mise-en-scène. come up with something weirder for each mug and let them go with God to the expanse of their own imagination - let them frolic to their heart's content.

After all, where else can the good actress Marina Ivanova, who plays either noble queens or gentle mothers, be able to fool around like that, make faces and jump like a goat, portraying a mentally retarded person, and where else will the born clown Agrippina Steklova be able to behave and nasal with a French pronunciation. Another time, a critic, or even the director himself, would have killed on the spot for such a game. But in “The Extremaduran Killers” anything is possible – no paint is too thick for these monsters and moral monsters. So the actresses are having fun. And then you realize that this time the Moscow public was presented not so much with the comedy of Juan José Alonso Milian, but with the artists Steklova, Ivanova, Kekeyeva, Kuzmina and Danilova. The numerous female roles in this play are more colorful than the other, just begging to be performed at a benefit performance. And the predominantly courageous theater, on whose stage the brutal Konstantin Raikin, Grigory Siyatvinda and Denis Sukhanov shine, did not miss the opportunity to demonstrate that in the Satyricon troupe there are also actresses who are witty, eccentric and stop at nothing. Especially before the murder.

Newspaper, March 7, 2003

Olga Romantsova

Extremaduran dolls

Premiere at Satyricon

The black comedy of the Spanish playwright Juan José Alonso Milian “Potassium cyanide with or without milk...” attracts directors like a magnet. She constantly goes to the enterprise, and this is the second time in recent years she has appeared on the Moscow stage. Not wanting to compete with the theater on Malaya Bronnaya, where the comedy is staged under the original name, in Satyricon it was dubbed “The Extremaduran Murderers.” The play was staged on the Small Stage by director Igor Voitulevich, specially invited from Smolensk (several years ago he produced the play “The Lion in Winter” on the Small Stage).

In Spain they say that the inhabitants of Extremadura, a small region located in the basin of the Guadiana and Tagus rivers, are endowed with wild imaginations. They still believe in the most incredible stories, are ready to come up with anything, and do not separate fantasy from reality.

It is not surprising that Miljan made the Extremadurians the heroes of his black comedy “Potassium Cyanide with or without Milk...”. Only knowing about the character traits of the inhabitants of the region, one can believe that two respectable ladies: Signora Adela and her forty-year-old daughter Laura, decided to get rid of old Don Gregorio, who was lying dying (he is Adela’s father, and Laura’s grandfather), by adding potassium cyanide to his coffee . And then, having gotten the hang of it, they wanted to poison Marta (Enrique’s fiancée, Adela’s nephew), who accidentally stopped by their house. But carefully thought-out plans collapse, and the old man, who miraculously escaped, escapes, taking the entire family fortune.

Incredible events pour in one after another as if from a cornucopia.

Retelling their sequence is as thankless a task as telling the plot of some detective story.

Trying to be on time at all costs, performers sometimes simply do not have time to fully pronounce their lines. Demanding from them authenticity and sincere living of every moment is as useless as from a ballerina constantly spinning a fouette or from a gymnast doing one somersault after another. Sometimes the rhythm becomes slower and then the humor of the lines comes through, and it becomes noticeable that good actors are playing on stage. But this rarely happens. Therefore, the most interesting moment for each performer remains the moment of appearing on stage. An actor or actress comes out and says in a normal voice: “I am such and such an actor, I will play such and such a character.” After which he instantly turns from a normal person into some kind of strange doll, fussily performing a sequence of movements invented by the director.

Evening Moscow, March 11, 2003

Olga Fuks

Instead of a wake - marriage

Extremadura (translated: edge, border) is a Spanish Tmutarakan, famous for its fearless conquistador knights and delicious sausages. In Extremadura, not completely combed by civilization, the ruins of the amphitheaters of the Roman Empire and wild provincial customs have been preserved. At least, judging by the black comedy by Juan José Alons Milian “Potassium cyanide with or without milk...”, which was renamed “The Extremadura Killers” in “Satyricon”.

For the third month in a row, grandfather (Mikhail Vavdyshev) has been moaning heart-rendingly behind the wall. For the third month, a paralyzed old woman - grandfather's daughter (Sergei Dorogov), an old maid-granddaughter (Elvira Kekeyeva) and a cross-eyed, burry niece-fool (Marina Ivanova) cannot bury this ninety-year-old monster and take advantage of the inheritance. And the sharp-nosed, pop-eyed gossip neighbors (Marina Kuzmina, Galina Danilova) - accordingly, enjoy the funeral treat and the opportunity to wash the bones of the orphaned family at the funeral.

But when the resolve of the household finally matures and the potassium cyanide intended for the ill-fated grandfather’s coffee has already been purchased, their plans collapse under the pressure of uninvited guests and incredible circumstances, the kaleidoscope of which makes up the comic plot. As a result, the quick grandfather runs away from his deathbed to his young bride, taking the entire family fortune. And the burry fool makes coffee for everyone, mistakenly sweetening it with potassium cyanide instead of sugar.

“Six corpses in the finale is bad taste,” joked Robert Sturua, staging Hamlet at Satyricon. In this sense, the “murderers” fell just short of “Hamlet”: the result is only five corpses. But the “bad taste” that pours out on us everywhere from Mexican love series, Russian black action films, American “cool” action films, scandalous revelations of stars and various kinds of “pulp fiction”, brought to a boiling point, becomes a style here. The burring peals of “Parisian” grazing from Agrippina Steklova, the sultry macho sultryness from Yakov Lomkin, or the frightening passion that the sultry old maids of Spain are capable of from Elvira Kekeyeva - all this is played with such frantic dedication, as if we were looking at motorcycle balancing act riders for whom the reduction of the frenzied speed is literally like death. But... "Satyricon" has long accustomed its fans to a different level of theater - non-linear, multi-layered. Moreover, through the harshest farce, the most tender lyrics suddenly appear, and the most catchy, eccentric presentation carries philosophical content. Against the backdrop of performances recent years

“Assassins of Extremaduran” looks like a silly sideshow, an energetic warm-up before the main premiere of this season. Just the other day, Konstantin Raikin released Ostrovsky's "Profitable Place" - the first in the history of this troupe to appeal to

Russian classics

, which the artistic director of Satyricon considers the most serious test for himself and the theater.

Izvestia, March 25, 2003

Alexey Filippov

The semi-paralyzed mother and overripe daughter can’t wait for their grandfather to die - he’s sick, old, tired of everyone, and besides, he wants to marry a young woman. Another sister lives in the house - young, but crazy. She has a husband: his relatives don’t let him near his wife’s body, and he earns money in whatever way he can - he digs up graves, cuts the necks of corpses, separates the skin from the skull, dries it, glues the shrunken heads to ashtrays, writes on them “Greetings from Extremadura!” - and sells it to tourists. (Stupid tourists think the heads are not real.)

The owner's nephew, a metropolitan doctor, comes to this lovely house with his girlfriend. Good relatives decide to bring potassium cyanide not only to grandfather, but also to dear guests - they have a lot of stolen money with them. But everything turns out differently: the grandfather, pretending to be a half-corpse, runs away with the money, a friend’s husband is found packaged in plastic bags in his nephew’s suitcase, and finally, the crazy girl treats all her blood relatives to potassium cyanide. This is the plot - and if director Igor Voitulevich had carefully transferred it to the stage, the result could have been stunning.

Anecdotes are best told while holding back giggles; black humor requires absolute seriousness - staged fuss is contraindicated in Juan José Alonso Milian's text. Here there is too much of it: Igor Voitulevich decided to stage a buffe comedy and turned the characters of the play into clowns - he forced the excellent young actress Agrippina Steklova (Martha, his nephew’s friend) to distort her language, and treated other artists even worse. And on the Small Stage of the Satyricon Theater, strange creatures in bright makeup and fancy wigs began to bustle around - not a word in simplicity, forced intonations, bizarre plasticity, a catchy, pop style of acting. The director does his best to convince the audience that the action is taking place in a panopticon - such an unnatural Extremadura and such tortured families in real life can not be. The theater tells a two-act anecdote from the life of madmen living on another planet, which very soon becomes boring.

Meanwhile, everything could have turned out differently. If the pathological killer Enrique (Yakov Lomkin) looked like a well-behaved young man, the sinister Aunt Adela (played very funny by the actor Dorogov) gave the impression of a sweet old lady, and the grave digger Liermo (Andrey Oganyan) did his job with a spark and working enthusiasm, the performance would be hilariously funny. Long-forgotten skeletons would fall out of closets, nice people would turn into monsters - and all this would seem like a complete surprise. But this did not happen, and the performance, with all the abundance of gags, stunts and comic numbers, is surprisingly monotonous. The “Extremaduran killers” do their job with particular cruelty - they kill not only relatives, but also laughter.

Juan José Alonso Milian

Secret of success

Telling the reader of his plays about himself - this kind of mini-autobiography usually takes up the back of the cover - Juan José

Alonso Milian does it like a comedian should. It’s as if he offers us a portrait of another character who preferred the cheerful craft of a comedian to the boredom of scientific studies.

We learn that the author of the play that fell into our hands was born in Madrid in 1936 and, having reached student age, felt an inexplicable craving for the theater, but “due to poor memory and excess self-criticism” he abandoned his acting career and took up directing. However, he did not stay long in the role of a director staging other people's plays (classics and contemporaries), and one fine day he felt - “like every Spaniard” - the temptation to write a comedy. The problem, he recalls, is not what he wrote, but that it was staged: the young comedian’s debut was unsuccessful and cost the owner of the capital’s Lara Theater a tidy sum. Nevertheless, since then Alonso Milian writes regularly one or two plays a year. No, not flattering myself with the illusion that I am creating for eternity (“I repent of almost everything I wrote”), but obviously feeling my calling in this craft.

The number of plays he created—about sixty—is somewhat staggering. Apparently, such creative tirelessness is explained not only by the writer’s temperament, but also by another happy circumstance for the author: Alonso Miljan’s comedies are accompanied by constant audience success. And his audience is not limited to Spain: his plays are published in France, Italy, Germany, and staged in Europe and America.

It should be added that Alonso Milian writes not only for the theater, but also for cinema and television, and directs his own plays. The general consensus among critics is that Alonso Milian's theater is primarily entertaining. Some of them believe that the playwright, by yielding to the wishes of the public, infringes on his talent. They refer to his “serious” plays: “Civil Status - Martha” (1969), “Secular Games” (1970). (In the first case, it is a psychological drama, in the second, it is a play that poses ethical problems.) One way or another, Alonso Milian prefers to make the audience laugh rather than burden them with the eternal problems of humanity. Self-esteem has already been mentioned above, but a critical attitude towards his works does not prevent the author from feeling tenderness for some of them. The playwright’s favorite plays include “Potassium Cyanide... with or without milk?”, “Marital Sins,” “Carmelo,” and “Secular Games.”

The strength of Alonso Miljan's comedies is dialogue. Often the playwright includes all sorts of banalities and linguistic clichés in the speech of the characters in order to turn them later in the most unexpected way. Using this verbal pyrotechnics, combining it with elements of black humor and theater of the absurd, and also resorting to the techniques of the detective genre in developing intrigue, the comedian keeps the viewer in suspense, every now and then presenting him with “surprises.”

Perhaps the readers of the comedy offered here will more than once be taken by surprise by the “jokes” and “surprises” that the author has prepared for them.

Valentina Ginko.

Potassium cyanide... with or without milk?

Farce in two acts, with a touch of black humor, written Juan José Alonso Milian

Translation from Spanish by Lyudmila Sinyavskaya

To help the viewer:

So that the viewer immediately understands who he is dealing with, we offer brief description characters, which is useful both for those who have a weak memory and for those who love order.

Martha- an amazing young lady. She's twenty-four years old, but you can't give her more than twenty-three, which isn't so bad. She is married and she likes this role, but she likes her role in this play even more.

Enrique- amazing man. Handsome when angry, well-mannered and educated like no one else, and as thin as a kid glove. He has the extraordinary virtue of charming everyone. To such an extent that everyone wants to immediately take him into their home, once and for all.

Adela- her legs are paralyzed, and only for this reason, and for no other, she carries out the entire action without leaving a comfortable chair on wheels. And despite all this, she is unhappy.

Laura- daughter of Doña Adela, an old maid from birth. Now she is forty years old, but many argue that she was never eighteen.

Don Gregorio- is in a state of death throes due to his extremely advanced age. You can even have good feelings towards a person in this position.

Justina- niece. Not a girl, but a sweetie, and also mentally retarded. As, however, are the majority of women whom we all know well: by the age of five their minds get tired of working.

Llermo- barren, his real name is Guillermo. But people with the best intentions call him by this affectionate diminutive name, since he cannot have children. Married to Justina.

Lady Agatha- does not participate in the action, is mentioned solely to decorate the program.

Eustaquio- a most wonderful person, but the inert provincials dubbed him the Satyr of Extremaduran.

Donya Socorro- "Ambulance". This is her job on duty. One day on the beach she overheated in the sun, and since then, if she doesn’t understand something in a conversation, she immediately connects it with the Sixth Commandment.

Donya Veneranda- “Venerable.” Inseparable friend of the previous one; in addition, she has a son, and he has already become a real man, since he lived to be thirty-seven years old; according to Doña Veneranda, he is her consolation in old age.

Martial- son of Doña Veneranda. Detective by profession and vocation; Of course, she lives on her mother’s income, and she, according to rumors, made a fortune somewhere in Africa in the century before last.

Guests, local residents, bourgeois and petitioners, minor deities, sorceresses, gnomes, dancers, singers and one gendarme. And also the Madrid-Irun Express, which speeds through the second act.

The comedy takes place in Vadajoz (Extremadura), a Spanish province located in western Spain between 37°56 minutes and 39°27 seconds north latitude of the Madrid meridian.

The action takes place on the evening of All Saints' Day, the day before Remembrance Day.

First act

The action from beginning to end takes place in the living room of a provincial house where a middle-class family lives; This room is incredibly ugly and sad. Three doors leading to the rooms and one to the balcony are used throughout the action.

The curtain rises at the moment when the clock hands have passed eleven at night, a harsh Badajoz night." You can feel the approach of a thunderstorm.

Cold. Dona Adela is sitting in a wheelchair. Laura is talking on the phone; Doña Veneranda and Doña Socorro are sitting at a table with a brazier to warm their feet. A little to the side, on a chair, is Martial, dressed exactly as Sherlock Holmes would dress if he happened to spend the night in Vadajoz.

Intermittent, plaintive moans are heard from the room in the back. These are the sounds of grandfather's death throes.

Laura (talking on the phone). Wait, I'll write it down... (Takes a sheet of paper and a pencil.) So, you pour in plain water from the tap and let it boil... Yes, it boils for a few seconds... Then you throw in the black grains... Oh, well, yes... First you need to grind them, of course... and cover them with something flat. Then you wait eight minutes... Great... I think I can do it... Then you strain through something you can strain through... and pour the black liquid into a clean vessel... Great... Yes... What?.. Wonderful! (Covering the receiver with his hand.) Mother!

Adela. What, baby?

Laura. You can have it with bread too! Amazing, right?

Adela. This coffee is the devil's invention.

Laura(V tube). I see... Thank you very much... The same... And the same to you... Goodbye, Amelia. (Hangs up.) Finally, mom. Finally I I figured out how to make coffee!

Veneranda. Black or with milk?

Adela. For God's sake, Dona Veneranda, you want too much! Certainly same; Black is the easiest to cook. But Laura will practice and, I’m sure, one fine day she will be able to cook with milk, if necessary.

Socorro. Your daughter has culinary talent. Talent, and that's all.

Laura. Mom, I've made up my mind! There will be no misfire tonight.