(After a short ringing, the door opens. A middle-aged woman stands there, dressed modestly, in a long skirt. In her hands are brochures and books. She quietly repeats the memorized text under her breath)
Woman: Hello, tell me, do you believe in God? If you are having difficulties in life, you don’t know who to turn to...
(At the same time, her head slowly rises. The woman screams and faints. A demon with horns and a trident in his hands is standing on the threshold. Loud music is heard from the apartment, a guy in an angel costume runs out)
Angel: Listen, of course, I understand everything, it’s Halloween, but let’s not open the door anymore, otherwise the third fainting spell in the evening is too much...
Please fill us up, but at a higher price, at least every day!
(There is a knock on the door, a man is standing on the threshold, an alcoholic opens it for him)
Neighbor: Listen, you're flooding us!
Alcoholic: (hiccupping) How long ago?
Neighbor: Of course, a long time ago.
Alcoholic: Why didn’t you come earlier?
Neighbor: Because before, high-quality whiskey flowed from my ceiling, but now only cheap port! Do something about it.
An experienced massage therapist doesn’t care who comes for treatments
There is a knock on the door and a healthy middle-aged man opens it. On the threshold, a woman in a tight dress with bright makeup sticks out her leg.
Woman: Well, dear, I’m coming to you.
Man: Of course, I understand that there would be a lot of work for me here, but you are unlikely to come to me.
Woman: What, am I really not suitable?
Man: No, what are you talking about, your brisket is really okay, legs and thighs too, although the sirloin part let us down, but that’s okay. The masseur doesn't care. His door is next door, you are mistaken.
Woman: Who are you then?
Man: I'm a butcher, madam.
If Stalin had the Internet in ancient times
(A guy with a laptop bursts into Stalin’s office and busily places it on the table)
Stalin: What is this?
Guy: Internet
Stalin: And what do I need it for?
Guy: What's that like? Everything is written about everyone here.
Stalin: Come on, tell me, when will the war end?
Guy: (entering a request) May 9 next year.
Stalin: Hmm, good date, spring, I should write it down. What about our nuclear development?
Guy: Wikipedia says that the development of the first atomic bomb will end only in 1949.
Stalin: Okay, we won't have to wait long. Well, is there anything about me there?
Guy: Of course there is, Comrade Stalin! It is written: Joseph Vissarionovich was a state leader until his death in 1953...
Stalin: Whaaaat? What kind of death? Shoot!
Guy: But why me? That's what it says on the Internet.
Stalin: Who's in charge?
Guy: But there is no main thing, everything is on its own.
Stalin: Security, exile him to the Urals, no computers or Internet!
(The guy is taken away)
Stalin: Look, what young people have gone. In itself they have everything. Now I’ll write to Lavrenty Pavlovich, let him shoot the hackers, stop the production of computers, and let him direct all his efforts to atomic development.
Stalin always keeps his word and is ready for decisive action
(Stalin sits at the table with his entourage, 6 people in total. He takes out a chess piece from his bosom)
Stalin: You all know that the situation in our country is not easy. Therefore, I decided to choose a successor from among you, in case of emergency. The one who takes this figurine will become him.
(She throws the chess set on the table, those close to her rush to her, except for one. After grunting and confusion, the winner stands up with the piece held high.)
Stalin: Ay, well done! Send everyone to exile in Siberia, and you will be their boss. Stalin always keeps his word. And you (points to the one who remained sitting in place) will be shot. For lack of initiative! Security, take everyone away!
The best funny scenes for a fun company
Read the classics and become a fatal seductress
(A modestly dressed woman, clearly educated and intelligent, addresses a consultant in a bookstore)
Woman: Please tell me, do you have anything...well...how can I say this...well, something on such topics, you know...very intimate and frank...advice in general?
Seller: Of course there is, here you go “The Best Sex Lessons: How to Become a Seductress.”
Woman: I just have a daughter, she’s dating a boy. And they seem to be reading the classics, but don’t get me wrong, I’m a mother, and I’m worried.
Saleswoman: You would have said so right away, here you go!
(He takes out the volume “War and Peace.” The woman begins to leaf through the book, and among the pages we see packages of condoms. The woman looks at the saleswoman widely with open eyes, and she winks at her and nods)
What do young and old people buy in a bookstore?
(Scene in a bookstore. Cookery section)
Seller: Hello, how can I help you?
Buyer: Good afternoon. I'm looking for a book, it's called "About Tasty and Healthy Food."
Seller: You know, it is sold in two volumes. Which one do you need?
Buyer: Is there a fundamental difference?
Seller: Well, of course. The first volume is more often read by young people, it is called “About Tasty Food”, but the second volume is of interest to older people, it is called “On Healthy Food”.
Who will go to work and do things?
(Scene in a cell phone store. The seller shows the buyer latest models telephones)
Seller: Look, this model is very comfortable. This phone broadcasts everything you see directly to the Internet.
Buyer: What, and even from the bathroom?
Seller: Well, of course! Very cool, isn't it? But this model is suitable for those who really like to give likes. It has a keyboard that you can always carry with you, and a projector to see everything on any surface.
Buyer: Well, yes, and its price is appropriate, like a car...
Seller: Well, if this price doesn’t suit you, I can offer you a stunning model! There is everything, even a folding knife, a bill acceptor, a folding tent and a survival kit.
Buyer: How can I make calls from it?
Seller: Why would you call from him? This function was removed as unnecessary.
Buyer: No, this doesn’t suit me at all, goodbye.
Seller: No, wait! The best option for you from the popular pear company! This phone can do everything, it will even go to work for you!
Dad can do anything and more
(A young guy comes to the pharmacy where his father works)
Guy: Dad, hi, today the guys and I are going to the cottage.
Dad: Haha, yes, son, I understand, do you need anything with you?
Guy: Well, yes, you remember what happened last time... Let’s make sure there’s enough for everyone now, otherwise the girls will start squealing that they’ve been ruined all the fun, and the guys won’t like this situation either.
Dad: Olesya! Bring the largest pack of condoms from the warehouse. (The queue is warily watching what is happening.) And also bring a couple of bottles of iodine and brilliant green.
Guy: Do you think this is enough?
Dad: This time there will definitely be enough balloons for everyone, go blow them up and color them!
What kind of old ladies are there in queues these days?
(A scene in a pharmacy. There is a huge line, a wizened old woman comes up from behind, looks at all the people, tries to squeeze through, but they don’t let her in. Then she calmly takes out a mask-hat, puts it on, then a gun appears from her purse)
Old lady: Everyone on the floor, don’t move! This is a robbery!
(The line falls to the floor with a squeal, the old woman takes off her mask and confidently approaches the cash register)
Old lady: I’d like a couple of bottles of Corvalol, please, and two packs of Validol. Look what kind of people they are, you can’t survive without a gun!
We entertain guests with original skits
Try these funny and short children's skits for 2 people.
Burglars can also make mistakes and mix up apartments
(The room is dark, two robbers suddenly appear, lighting their way with flashlights, talking in a whisper)
First: It seems that everything is correct. The apartment is good, there is something to live for.
Second: Well, yes, gold, dishes, that chandelier... just like at my house. The owner is clearly wealthy.
First: Look, the plasma is huge! I've always wanted one like this!
Second: Give up this plasma, they cost pennies now, but they work every other time, I have the same one at home.
(He comes up, presses the buttons, nothing happens)
He's not working either. Let's look for the safe.
First: Already found it. The castle is complicated, I've never seen anything like it, we'll be fiddling around for a long time.
Second: Long... long... Give it here. (Confidently types the code, the safe opens)
First: Look how clever you are with him, have you met anyone like him before?
Second: (Sighs) Turn on the light, come on.
First: Why?
Second: This is my safe. Turn it on, I say.
The first robber turns on the light and spreads his hands.
How can you quickly get to your doctor?
(A wife and her husband make their way to the dentist’s office. The husband has a swollen cheek bandaged. He mumbles and whines listlessly)
Husband: Well, look at the queue here, we definitely won’t get in today, let’s go tomorrow.
Wife: Just wait, stop whining, now I’ll do everything.
Husband: Well, maybe it’s not necessary, I can be patient. It hurts less now, really, look.
Wife: I said that today means today. Wait.
(She pushes everyone away and breaks into the office, her voice can be heard from there)
Wife: What are you doing? Who taught you anyway? The instruments are completely dull, they are not disinfected, the assistant generally sleeps!
(Heart-rending female screams can be heard, the line to the office is slowly thinning, the husband sits white-faced, the wife leaves the office and addresses her husband in a hoarse voice)
Wife: Well, you see, I told you that you would see a doctor today. Come on, come in. I’ll rush to the otolaryngologist, otherwise I’ve lost my voice.
When can hypnosis be useful in family life?
Option one:
(A woman enters a psychologist's office)
Woman: Hello. Last week my husband and I had a hypnosis session with you, remember? You also convinced him that he is a dog. So, this is still going on, can you help us?
Psychologist: I understand, bring him here, let’s return him to the image of a person.
Woman: No, you know, overall I’m happy with everything. The house is quiet, he is affectionate, plays with me, kisses me all the time, doesn’t drink, doesn’t watch football, doesn’t even plan to go fishing.
Woman: Make him stop dragging fleas from the street!
Option two:
(A man enters a psychologist's office)
Man: Hello. Last week my wife and I attended a hypnosis session with you. You convinced her that she is a cat, and this continues to this day. Can you help us please?
Psychologist: I understand, bring your wife here, let's return her to a human image.
Man: No, you know, in general, everything suits me. No screaming, no hysterics, I can easily drink beer with friends, she even let me go fishing.
Psychologist: And what is the problem then?
Man: Make her stop licking herself! And these hairballs are just disgusting!
Sometimes it is difficult to distinguish the patient from the psychiatrist
(The patient comes to see a psychiatrist)
Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality
Doctor: And who are they?
Patient: One is me, and the second is you.
Doctor: So, do both exist?
Patient: Well, of course!
Doctor: Well, you're probably sick. And what does the second personality tell you?
Patient: That I'm sick and that you don't exist.
Doctor: How can I not exist if this is me?
Patient: But according to your logic, one of us shouldn’t exist.
Doctor: Can you see me?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: And I see you. Yes, something is not well with me...
Patient: Then give me a certificate that I am healthy.
Doctor: Yes, of course. And come see me tomorrow. Both.
The perfect girl will become your best friend
(Scene in a therapist's office, a patient enters with a deflated rubber doll under his arm)
Patient: Hello, doctor, my girlfriend and I are having problems.
Doctor: Where is your girlfriend?
Patient: Well, there she is. Everything was wonderful before, but now she is somehow sad, drooping, and out of shape. I don't know what to do. First I was referred to a psychiatrist. But for some reason they tried to treat me, not her. But everything is fine with me. Help us please.
Doctor: But do you understand that your girlfriend is rubber? And I treat people, living people, you know?
Patient: Why is it worse?! Beautiful, well-groomed, modest and quiet. She agrees with everything, never gets on my nerves, puts on what I want, puts on makeup the way I like. She doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and has no friends. Doesn't change. Lets me drink beer and watch football.
(The doctor takes the doll, inflates it, returns it to the nervous patient)
Doll: Thank you. Honey, let's go to bed!
Patient: Thank you very much, I knew that you would help us!
Doctor: Eh, people are lucky. But I was a fool, I got married, and I remain a fool.
See also funny poems about school for children. The advantages of our funny skits are that they do not require costumes, there is no need to memorize large texts (and the one who plays the role of a teacher can use a printout that can be inserted into a magazine), and they only require a short time to rehearse. At the same time, these scenes are close to the students. They will be able to laugh at their mistakes, looking at themselves from the outside. Humor, jokes, funny scenes for children about school are well suited for KVN. Also check out School Humor.
1. Sketch "At Russian language lessons"
Teacher: Let's listen to how you learned homework. Whoever answers first will receive a higher point.
Student Ivanov (raises his hand and shouts): Mary Ivanna, I will be the first, give me three at once!
Teacher: Your essay about a dog, Petrov, is word for word similar to Ivanov’s essay!
Student Petrov: Mary Ivanna, Ivanov and I live in the same yard, and there we have one dog for all of us!
Teacher: You, Sidorov, have a wonderful essay, but why isn’t it finished?
Student Sidorov: Because dad was urgently called to work!
Teacher: Koshkin, admit it, who wrote your essay?
Student Koshkin: I don’t know. I went to bed early.
Teacher: As for you, Klevtsov, let your grandfather come to see me tomorrow!
Student Klevtsov: Grandfather? Maybe dad?
Teacher: No, grandfather. I want to show him what gross mistakes his son makes when he writes an essay for you.
Teacher: What kind of word is “egg”, Sinichkin?
Student Sinichkin: None.
Teacher: Why?
Disciple Sinichkin: Because it is unknown who will hatch from it: a rooster or a chicken.
Teacher: Petushkov, determine the gender of the words: “chair”, “table”, “sock”, “stocking”.
Student Petushkov: “Table”, “chair” and “sock” - male, and “stocking” is female.
Teacher: Why?
Student Petushkov: Because only women wear stockings!
Teacher: Smirnov, go to the board, write down and analyze the sentence.
Student Smirnov comes to the blackboard.
The teacher dictates, and the student writes down: “Dad went to the garage.”
Teacher: Ready? We are listening to you.
Student Smirnov: Dad is the subject, went away is the predicate, to the garage is ... a preposition.
Teacher: Guys, who can come up with a sentence with homogeneous members?
Student Tyulkina raises her hand.
Teacher: Please, Tyulkina.
Student Tyulkina: There were no trees, no bushes, no grass in the forest.
Teacher: Sobakin, come up with a sentence with the numeral “three”.
Student Sobakin: My mother works at a KNITTING factory.
Teacher: Rubashkin, go to the board and write down the sentence.
Student Rubashkin goes to the blackboard.
The teacher dictates: The guys caught butterflies with nets.
Student Rubashkin writes: The guys caught butterflies with glasses.
Teacher: Rubashkin, why are you so inattentive?
Student Rubashkin: What?
Teacher: Where have you seen bespectacled butterflies?
Teacher: Meshkov, what part of speech is the word “dry”?
Student Meshkov stood up and remained silent for a long time.
Teacher: Well, think about it, Meshkov, what question does this word answer?
Student Meshkov: What kind? Dryish!
Teacher: Antonyms are words that are opposite in meaning. For example, fat - thin, cry - laugh, day - night. Petushkov, now give me your example.
Student Petushkov: Cat - dog.
Teacher: What does “cat - dog” have to do with it?
Student Petushkov: Well, how about that? They are opposites and often fight with each other.
Teacher: Sidorov, why do you eat apples in class?
Student Sidorov: It’s a pity to waste time during recess!
Teacher: Stop it now! By the way, why weren't you at school yesterday?
Disciple Sidorov: My older brother fell ill.
Teacher: What do you have to do with it?
Student Sidorov: And I rode his bike!
Teacher: Sidorov! My patience has run out! Don't come to school tomorrow without your father!
Student Sidorov: And the day after tomorrow?
Teacher: Sushkina, come up with a sentence with an appeal.
Student Sushkina: Mary Ivanna, call!
2. Sketch "Correct answer"
Teacher: Petrov, how much will it be: four divided by two?
Student: What should we divide, Mikhail Ivanovich?
Teacher: Well, let's say four apples.
Student: And between whom?
Teacher: Well, let it be between you and Sidorov.
Student: Then three for me and one for Sidorov.
Teacher: Why is this?
Student: Because Sidorov owes me one apple.
Teacher: Doesn’t he owe you a plum?
Student: No, I shouldn’t have plums.
Teacher: Well, how much will it be if four plums are divided by two?
Student: Four. And all to Sidorov.
Teacher: Why four?
Student: Because I don’t like plums.
Teacher: Wrong again.
Student: How many is correct?
Teacher: Now I’ll put the correct answer in your diary!
(I. Butman)
3. Sketch "Our cases"
Characters: teacher and student Petrov
Teacher: Petrov, go to the blackboard and write down a short story that I will dictate to you.
The student goes to the board and prepares to write.
Teacher (dictates): “Dad and mom scolded Vova for bad behavior. Vova was silent guiltily, and then promised to improve.”
A student writes from dictation on the board.
Teacher: Great! Underline all the nouns in your story.
The student emphasizes the words: “dad”, “mom”, “Vova”, “behaviour”, “Vova”, “promise”.
Teacher: Ready? Determine which cases these nouns are in. Understood?
Student: Yes!
Teacher: Start!
Student: “Dad and Mom.” Who? What? Parents. This means the case is genitive.
Scolded someone, what? Vova. “Vova” is a name. This means the case is nominative.
Scolded for what? For bad behavior. Apparently he did something. This means that “behavior” has the instrumental case.
Vova was silent guiltily. This means that here “Vova” has the accusative case.
Well, the “promise,” of course, is in the dative case, since Vova gave it!
That's all!
Teacher: Yes, the analysis turned out to be original! Bring me the diary, Petrov. I wonder what mark you would suggest you set for yourself?
Student: Which one? Of course, an A!
Teacher: So, an A? By the way, in what case did you name this word - “five”?
Student: In the prepositional form!
Teacher: In the prepositional form? Why?
Student: Well, I suggested it myself!
(according to L. Kaminsky)
4. Sketch "At mathematics lessons"
Characters: teacher and class students
Teacher: Petrov, you have difficulty counting to ten. I can’t imagine what you can become?
Student Petrov: Boxing judge, Mary Ivanna!
Teacher: Trushkin goes to the board to solve the problem.
Student Trushkin goes to the blackboard.
Teacher: Listen carefully to the statement of the problem. Dad bought 1 kilogram of sweets, and mom bought another 2 kilograms. How many...
Student Trushkin heads to the door.
Teacher: Trushkin, where are you going?!
Student Trushkin: I ran home, I have candy!
Teacher: Petrov, bring the diary here. I'll put your deuce in it yesterday.
Disciple Petrov: I don’t have it.
Teacher: Where is he?
Student Petrov: And I gave it to Vitka - to scare his parents!
Teacher: Vasechkin, if you have ten rubles and you ask your brother for another ten rubles, how much money will you have?
Student Vasechkin: Ten rubles.
Teacher: You just don’t know math!
Student Vasechkin: No, you don’t know my brother!
Teacher: Sidorov, please answer, what is three times seven?
Student Sidorov: Marya Ivanovna, I will answer your question only in the presence of my lawyer!
Teacher: Why, Ivanov, does your father always do your homework for you?
Student Ivanov: Mom doesn’t have free time!
Teacher: Now solve problem number 125 yourself.
The students get to work.
Teacher: Smirnov! Why are you copying from Terentyev?
Student Smirnov: No, Mary Ivanna, he’s copying from me, and I’m just checking to see if he did it correctly!
Teacher: Guys, who is Archimedes? Answer, Shcherbinina.
Student Shcherbinina: This is a mathematical Greek.
5. Sketch "At the lessons of natural history"
Characters: teacher and class students
Teacher: Who can name five wild animals?
Student Petrov holds out his hand.
Teacher: Answer, Petrov.
Student Petrov: Tiger, tigress and... three tiger cubs.
Teacher: What are dense forests? Answer, Kosichkina!
Student Kosichkina: These are the kind of forests in which... it’s good to doze off.
Teacher: Simakova, please name the parts of the flower.
Student Simakova: Petals, stem, pot.
Teacher: Ivanov, please answer us, what benefits do birds and animals bring to humans?
Disciple Ivanov: Birds peck mosquitoes, and cats catch mice for him.
Teacher: Petrov, what book about famous travelers have you read?
Student Petukhov: “Frog Traveler”
Teacher: Who can answer how the sea differs from the river? Please, Mishkin.
Disciple Mishkin: The river has two banks, and the sea has one.
Student Zaitsev reaches out his hand.
Teacher: What do you want, Zaitsev? Is there something you want to ask?
Disciple Zaitsev: Mary Ivanna, is it true that people descended from monkeys?
Teacher: True.
Disciple Zaitsev: That’s what I see: there are so few monkeys!
Teacher: Kozyavin, please answer, what is the life expectancy of a mouse?
Disciple Kozyavin: Well, Mary Ivanna, it depends entirely on the cat.
Teacher: Meshkov will go to the board and tell us about the crocodile.
Student Meshkov (coming to the board): The length of the crocodile from head to tail is five meters, and from tail to head is seven meters.
Teacher: Think about what you are saying! Is it possible?
Student Meshkov: It happens! For example, from Monday to Wednesday - two days, and from Wednesday to Monday - five!
Teacher: Khomyakov, answer, why do people need a nervous system?
Disciple Khomyakov: To be nervous.
Teacher: Why do you, Sinichkin, look at your watch every minute?
Student Sinichkin: Because I’m terribly worried that the bell might interrupt an amazingly interesting lesson.
Teacher: Guys, who can answer where the bird is flying with a straw in its beak?
Student Belkov raises his hand higher than everyone else.
Teacher: Try, Belkov.
Disciple Belkov: To the cocktail bar, Mary Ivanna.
Teacher: Teplyakova, what are the last teeth a person develops?
Student Teplyakova: Inserts, Mary Ivanna.
Teacher: Now I will ask you a very difficult question, for the correct answer I will immediately give you an A plus. And the question is: “Why is European time ahead of American time?”
Student Klyushkin reaches out his hand.
Teacher: Answer, Klyushkin.
Student Klyushkin: Because America was discovered later!
6. Scene “Folder under the mouse”
Vovka: Listen, I’ll tell you a funny story. Yesterday I took the folder by the mouse and went to Uncle Yura, my mother ordered.
Andrey: Ha ha ha! It's really funny.
Vovka (surprised): What’s so funny? I haven't even started to tell you yet.
Andrey (laughing): A folder... under your arm! Well thought out. Yes, your folder won’t fit under your arm, he’s not a cat!
Vovka: Why “my folder”? The folder is dad's. You've forgotten how to speak correctly because of laughter, or what?
Andrey: (winking and tapping his forehead): Ah, I guessed it! Grandfather - under the arm! He himself speaks incorrectly, but he also teaches. Now it’s clear: dad’s folder is your grandfather Kolya! In general, it’s great that you came up with this - funny and with a riddle!
Vova (offended): What does my grandfather Kolya have to do with it? I wanted to tell you something completely different. I didn’t listen to the end, but you laugh and get in the way of talking. And he dragged my grandfather under his arm, what a storyteller he was! I'd rather go home than talk to you.
Andrey (to himself, left alone): And why was he offended? For what funny stories tell me if you can’t laugh?
(I. Semerenko)
7. Sketch "3=7 and 2=5"
Teacher: Well, Petrov? What should I do with you?
Petrov: What?
Teacher: You haven’t done anything all year, you haven’t taught anything. I don’t really know what to put on your report.
Petrov (looking sullenly at the floor): I, Ivan Ivanovich, was engaged in scientific work.
Teacher: What are you talking about? What kind?
Petrov: I decided that all our mathematics was wrong and... proved it!
Teacher: Well, how, Comrade Great Petrov, did you achieve this?
Petrov: Ah, what can I say, Ivan Ivanovich! It’s not my fault that Pythagoras was wrong and this... Archimedes!
Teacher: Archimedes?
Petrov: And he too, After all, they said that three is only equal to three.
Teacher: What else?
Petrov (solemnly): This is not true! I proved that three equals seven!
Teacher: How is that?
Petrov: But look: 15 -15 = 0. Right?
Teacher: That's right.
Petrov: 35 - 35 =0 - also true. So, 15-15 = 35-35. Right?
Teacher: That's right.
Petrov: Let’s take the common factors: 3(5-5) = 7(5-5). Right?
Teacher: Exactly.
Petrov: Hehe! (5-5) = (5-5). This is also true!
Teacher: Yes.
Petrov: Then everything is upside down: 3 = 7!
Teacher: Yeah! So, Petrov, we survived.
Petrov: I didn’t want to, Ivan Ivanovich. But you can’t sin against science...
Teacher: I see. Look: 20-20 = 0. Right?
Petrov: Exactly!
Teacher: 8-8 = 0 - also true. Then 20-20 = 8-8. It is truth too?
Petrov: Exactly, Ivan Ivanovich, exactly.
Teacher: We take out the common factors: 5(4-4) = 2(4-4). Right?
Petrov: Right!
Teacher: Then that’s it, Petrov, I’ll give you a “2”!
Petrov: For what, Ivan Ivanovich?
Teacher: Don’t be upset, Petrov, because if we divide both sides of the equality by (4-4), then 2=5. Is that what you did?
Petrov: Well, let's say.
Teacher: So I put “2”, who cares. A?
Petrov: No, it doesn’t matter, Ivan Ivanovich, “5” is better.
Teacher: Perhaps it’s better, Petrov, but until you prove this, you will have a D in a year, which, in your opinion, is equal to an A!
Guys, help Petrov.
(Newspaper " Primary School", "Mathematics", No. 24, 2002)
8. Sketch "Schoolboy and salesman"
Characters: a schoolboy and a store sales assistant
Sales consultant: What can I tell you?
Schoolboy: The years of the reign of Nicholas II?
Sales consultant: I don’t know.
Schoolboy: Okay... Pythagorean theorem?
Sales consultant: ... (shrugs)
Schoolboy: Photosynthesis?
Sales consultant: (sighing) I don’t know...
Schoolboy: Well, why are you bothering then with your “What can I tell you?”!!!
(KVN team from Ryazan)
9. Sketch "Schoolchildren at the Stadium"
Characters: schoolchildren and stadium informant
A group of young fans led by a leader loudly chants:
"SPARTAK IS A CHAMPION!" "SPARTAK IS A CHAMPION!"
Suddenly the voice of the stadium informant comes on:
Informant's voice: Attention young fans! (young fans stop chanting)
Your history teacher is at the match!
Young fans start chanting:
“SPA-RTAC IS A ROMAN SLAVE!” “SPA-RTAC IS A ROMAN SLAVE!”
(KVN team from Ryazan)
10. Sketch “Unnecessary words, or Cool Dnieper in cool weather”
Characters: a cultured adult and a modern schoolboy Vanya Sidorov
Hello, Vanya.
- Hello.
- Well, tell me, Vanya, how are you?
- Wow, things are going strong.
- I'm sorry, what?
- Cool, I say, just one wick froze this. Rolls towards the cage. Let me drive the bike, he says. He sat down and scratched. And here is the teacher. And let him show off. He opened his mitten. Yes, how it gets messy. Himself with a black eye. The teacher almost went crazy, and the bike booed. Laugh. Cool, right?
- Was there a horse there?
- Which horse?
- Well, the one who was laughing. Or I didn't understand anything.
- Well, didn’t you understand anything?
- Come on, let's do it all over again.
- Well, let's. So, one wick...
- Without a candle?
- Without.
- What kind of wick is this?
- Well, one guy, a long one, rolled up to the sket...
-What did he ride up on, a bicycle?
- No, the skete had a bicycle.
- Which sket?
- Well, there's only one idiot. Yes, you know him, he walks around here with such a snob.
- With whom, with whom?
- Yes, not with whom, but with what, his nose is in the shape of a snob. Well, let me drive the bike, he says. He sat down and scratched.
- Did he have an itch?
- No, he sawed.
- Well, how did you saw it?
- What did you saw?
- Well, is it big?
- How?
- Well, this same schnobel?
- No, the cat had a snob. And the wick got a black eye, a blast hit him in the head, and he began to wander around. He opened his mitten, and so he jerked.
- Why the mitten, did he get fussy in the winter?
- Yes, there was no winter there, there was a teacher there.
- Teacher, you mean.
- Well, yes, with a black eye, that is, with a great one, no, with coils. But it was the rolling of the bike that made the bike whoop.
- How did you whoop?
- And so, I’m covered. Into small pieces. Do you understand now?
- Understood. I realized that you don’t know the Russian language at all.
- I don’t know how!
- Can you imagine if everyone spoke like you, what would happen?
- What?
- Remember, at Gogol's. “Wonderful is the Dnieper in calm weather, when its full waters freely and smoothly rush through forests and mountains, neither rustling nor thundering. You look and don’t know whether its majestic width is moving or not” and further, “A rare bird will fly to the middle of the Dnieper.”
- I remember.
- Now listen to how it sounds in your quirky language: “Cool Dnieper in cool weather, when, roaming and showing off, it saws its cool waves through the forests and mountains. you don’t know whether he’s sawing or not. A rare bird with a shnobel will reach the middle of the Dnieper, and if it finishes scratching, it will whoop and throw off its hooves.” Do you like?
“I like it,” he said and ran, shouting: “Cool Dnieper in cool weather.”
(Lion Izmailov)
11. Young man in a nightclub
Characters: girl, young man, mother
A girl is sitting at the bar. A young man approaches her.
Young man: Hello, baby! Are you bored?
GIRL: Yes, there is a little.
YOUNG MAN: Shall we come with me? I will give you an unforgettable evening!
GIRL: Sounds good. But my mother is waiting for me at home at 23-00.
YOUNG MAN: Is mom waiting? Give it up! What, are you 10 years old? Do you go on dates with your mom too? Ha!
Suddenly young man someone's hand confidently takes your ear. Everyone can see that this is the hand of an older woman.
YOUNG MAN: Mom? What are you doing here?
MOM: What are you doing here?
YOUNG MAN: Well, mom! I…
MOM: I don’t want to hear it! March home!
YOUNG MAN: (to the girl) Baby, I'll call you back!
MOM: Home!
(KVN team from Ryazan)
12. Radiologist's office
Characters: grandmother, boy, radiologist
Radiologist's office: X-ray machine, table, chair. A doctor is sitting at the table.
A little boy and grandmother enter the office.
GRANDMOTHER (pointing to the boy). I've looked through everything and the glasses are nowhere to be found. I think he swallowed them. Just like your grandfather!
RADIOLOGIST (addresses the boy). Have you swallowed granny glasses?
The boy doesn't answer.
GRANDMOTHER. Partisan! Just like your grandfather!
RADIOLOGIST. Are you silent? But now we will enlighten you through and find out everything.
GRANDMOTHER (joyfully). Yep, gotcha! I wish I had something like this at home.
RADIOLOGIST (looks at the picture). Well, well, well... You know... not only does he have glasses here, he also has a wallet with money. I can’t say exactly, but somewhere around three hundred rubles.
GRANDMOTHER. This is not ours, we don’t need someone else’s. The main thing for me is to get glasses, I can’t watch TV without them.
RADIOLOGIST. We'll get it now.
The radiologist approaches the boy, lifts him by the legs and shakes him. Glasses and wallet fall out on the floor.
GRANDMOTHER (grabs her glasses). Thank you very much, doctor. I don’t even know how to thank you. Let me kiss you!
RADIOLOGIST (twists his wallet in his hands). No need. But if possible, I’ll keep the wallet as a souvenir.
GRANDMOTHER. This is not ours, not ours, we don’t need someone else’s.
Grandmother and grandson leave the office.
RADIOLOGIST (loudly). Next!
(A. Givargizov)
Characters:
Dad: Zmey Gorynych
Head teacher: Baba Yaga
Math teacher: Leshy
Geography teacher: Kikimora
Botany Teacher: Witch
Class teacher: Vodyanoy
SERPENT GORYNYCH (flies into the teacher’s room):
...Yes, I told him a hundred times!..
Well, what did he do again?
GOBBLE:
Multiplied the minus with the sine -
Got a minus one!
KIKIMORA:
Confused albinos
With albatross...
WITCH:
I threw apricots...
KIKIMORA:
Blowing soap bubbles!..
GOBBLE:
On a bet
Swallowed the call!
KIKIMORA:
Yawned the whole lesson
And he infected everyone with yawning!
WATER:
But yesterday
Brought to class
Hippopotamus!!!
GOBBLE:
With this nasty boy
There is no sweetness!
BABA YAGA (unctuously):
Maybe give him poison?..
Or throw it to the wolves?
AM –
And there is no bad student!
KIKIMORA:
Don't get excited, dear Yaga.
In our age
Such measures are outdated.
GOBBLE:
A hundred years ago
We would have it
Certainly,
Ate...
But now
We have
Not many students
In reserve...
WATER:
Agree!
Let's not resort
To extreme measures.
WITCH:
Let's try to entice him
A good example.
SERPENT GORYNYCH (confused):
Mmmm... Less or more...
That is, more or less!..
And yet...
WITCH (interrupts):
A...
Understand!
Your example is not good...
But boy
Doesn't want to study at all!
BABA YAGA:
Oh, what a hassle there is with children!..
DRAGON:
Lock him in the closet - let him learn his lessons!
And if he doesn't stop yawning...
ALL IN CHORUS:
We'll turn it around
In chewing gum
And we will
SLOWLY
Chew!
(E. Lipatova)
14. Daily routine
Characters:
Schoolboy Vova
Schoolboy Petya
PETER:
- Do you, Vova, know what a regime is?
VOVA:
- Certainly! Regime... Regime is where I want, I jump there.
PETER:
- Wrong! A regime is a daily routine. Are you doing it?
VOVA:
- I even exceed it.
PETER:
- Like this?
VOVA:
- According to the schedule, I need to walk twice a day, but I walk four!
PETER:
- No, you are not exceeding it, but breaking it! Do you know what the daily routine should be?
VOVA:
- I know! Climb. Charger. Washing. Making the bed. Breakfast. School. Dinner. Walk. Prep. Walk.
PETER:
- Fine.
VOVA:
- And it can be even better.
PETER:
- How is this?
VOVA:
- Like this! Climb. Breakfast. Walk. Lunch. Walk. Dinner. Walk. Tea. Walk. Dinner. Walk. Dream.
PETER:
- Oh no. Under this regime, you will turn out to be lazy and ignorant.
VOVA:
- Will not work.
PETER:
- Why?
VOVA:
- Because with my grandmother we follow the entire regime.
PETER:
- How is it with your grandmother?
VOVA:
- Yes. I do half of it, and grandma does half of it. And together we get the whole regime.
PETER:
- I don't understand!
VOVA:
- Very simple. I do the lifting. The grandmother does the exercises. Washing - grandma. Making the bed - grandma. Breakfast is me. Walk - me. Preparing lessons - my grandmother and I. Walk - me. Lunch is me.
PETER:
- Aren’t you ashamed?! Now I understand why you are so undisciplined.
https://site/smeshnye-scenki-dlya-detej/
15. About Pushkin
Two duelists stand opposite each other. One of them is Pushkin.
Second: Come together!
Pushkin and his opponent raise their pistols. They approach the barriers. Pushkin's opponent fires a shot. Pushkin lies wounded. The enemy approaches the wounded Pushkin.
Pushkin: For what?
Pushkin's opponent: Bastard! Because of you, I was left for the second year in literature!!!
16. School riddles
Characters: Schoolboy, his friend - Vovka Sidorov
SCHOOLBOY (addressing confidentially to the audience, pointing with his hand at a friend standing nearby):
And Vovka Sidorov from our class is such a slowpoke! I came across interesting riddles here about school affairs, and the answers should be in rhyme. Of course, I guessed everything right away, and then I decided to test Vovka’s intelligence.
SCHOOLBOY (to Vovka Sidorov):
Here, guess the riddle in rhyme: “The time between two bells is called...”
VOVKA SIDOROV (instantly):
Turn!
SCHOOLBOY:
Well, that’s right, “change” is appropriate, but the answer must be in rhyme!
VOVKA SIDOROV (offended):
Yeah, I said it myself, that’s right, and then you start...
SCHOOLBOY:
Okay, let me tell you another riddle, just think about it before you tell me the answer. “The athlete told us: Everyone go to the sports hall...”
VOVKA SIDOROV (shouts out):
Shop!
SCHOOLBOY:
Which store? For what? Where did you see him?
VOVKA SIDOROV:
What do you mean why? I need to buy new sneakers, otherwise the sole of mine is already falling behind on my left foot. And the sporting goods store is right opposite the school. You've seen him a hundred times too.
SCHOOLBOY (towards the hall):
Well, what can you prove to him here!
SCHOOLBOY (to Vovka Sidorov):
But can you guess this riddle in rhyme? “Schools are not simple buildings; in schools they receive...”
VOVKA SIDOROV:
On the head! Yesterday I almost didn’t touch Lenka Petrova’s bow, but she hit me on the head with a book, bam-bang.
SCHOOLBOY:
Listen to another riddle: “And today I got a grade again...”
VOVKA SIDOROV (shouting):
I got a C, C again in math.
SCHOOLBOY (addressing the audience in the hall):
Well, Vovka is slow-witted! What a slowpoke! Although... I look, his face is cunning and cunning. Maybe he was playing a trick on me? Today is April 1st!!!
(Leonid Medvedev)
17. About parents
A man in a clothing store dials a number on his cell phone.
Man: Hello, dear! ... Did our Bear do his homework? … Yes? What about his diary? Good, yes?! So, did he clean the room?! Crap! Did you eat soup?! Nothing... I just went into the store, and there was a sale on belts!
Try this easy-to-perform skit - it is usually a lot of fun for young viewers.
3 participants: mother, son and robot. Starting position: the robot stands with its arms wide apart, mother and son are on the sides of the robot, slightly in front of it (so that the robot’s palms are not far from their heads).
Son (pointing to the robot): Oh, who is this?
Mom: It's a robot. He knows how to distinguish whether a person is telling the truth or deceiving. For example, tell me, what grades did you get at school today?
Son: Five!
Boom! (the robot pretends to slap its son on the head).
Mom: So you told a lie. So what did you actually get?
Son: Four.
Boom! (the robot slaps his son on the head again)
Mom: Not true again. What did you get?
Son: Well, three...
Boom! (again a slap on the head).
Mom: Tell the truth! What did they give you?
Son (sighing): two.
The robot strokes his son's head.
Mom: Oh, you! And at your age I studied straight A’s and never lied to my parents!
Boom! Boom! (now mom is getting two slaps on the head!)
Good reasons
Funny school scene.
Characters: teacher, student - Ilya Arkhipov and student - Anechka Beletskaya. Students distribute their remarks at their own discretion, for example, answering the teacher in turn.
The teacher enters:
- Hello, guys! Thank you for coming...Why are there so few of you today?
He opens the magazine and begins the roll call:
- Arkhipov?..
- Here…
— Hello, Ilya, glad to see you. Belyakov?..
- What are you talking about, Alevtina Ivanovna! Only the second lesson! He comes to the third!
- Ah! Yes Yes…
- Golubev?..
- Golubev studies at the institute on Tuesdays, in the commercial one, in his third year...
- Beletskaya?.. Anya! Are you here?
- Yes, but only after this lesson I’m leaving - we’re flying to Turkey today.
- Good good…
— Kvitantsev?
— He can’t come, his car has broken down.
- But he lives in the next house?
- He’s stressed... He’s worried...
- Malinin?..
— Malinin has an exemption from exams. Why does he need to go to school?
- Parkhomenko?..
— Parkhomenko’s leg hurt, and Sergeev, Khorev and Frolova went to see the doctor to see him off...
- Yakovlev?..
- Still sleeping. He came yesterday!
- Well, okay - it turns out that everyone has good reasons. Let's write down the topic of the lesson...
Then the bell rings and all the students run out of the classroom.
The teacher speaks to the audience:
- I didn’t have enough time today...
Site news
"Serpentine of Ideas" has become more unique!
Every year before the start of the holiday season, we take stock of the previous one. The year 2017-2018 pleased us with the fact that the number of regular and new users of our website has increased! And this is precisely what stimulates our team of authors to fruitful creative work, and that is why an increasing number of original and author’s works appear on the pages of the site, and the uniqueness of the content on the site has increased to 90 percent! Thank you for your constant attention to our project!!!
"Serpentine Ideas" has been updated again!
Good news for all users of our site: we continue to improve and do everything for your comfortable stay on our pages. We have updated the functionality of the site again, which means that “Serpentine of Ideas” has become even faster, more accurate and more informative!
For greater clarity and accessibility of information for you, as well as in order to optimize our work, the main page contains: an additional CATALOG of site materials and two new pages: the first - with NEW ARTICLES, the second - with ANSWERS to your frequently asked questions! Those who wish to receive newsletters on topics and sections of the site can subscribe to our NEWS (button below)!
Scene for Valentine's Day. Two cupids with bows and arrows come out to do their job. An unusual scene where participants will need to go down to the auditorium.
The plot is this: girls decide what to give their boyfriends on February 23rd. Only ladies participate in the scene. Finally, a legitimate reason to throw the men into the auditorium and enjoy the scene to the fullest.
This skit can be staged on March 8th and on a bachelorette party. The plot is already revealed in the title: best friends tell everyone the secret of how to make and not lose best friends. All, of course, with humor.
A skit for March 8, in which men will joke about typical feminine things. This sketch will be a good addition to the concert dedicated to International Women's Day.
It’s difficult not only for women before February 23, but also for men before March 8. Everyone is solving the most difficult problem - what to give?! This is exactly what we joke about in this scene.
This sketch can be shown at a concert in honor of March 8th, and at a corporate event at a beauty salon or store. Everyone wants to laugh at stereotypical approaches to female beauty.
Imagine that car designers finally decided to create an all-female car. And even give it to women on March 8th. You understand that this scene is very funny.
A scene for a birthday or anniversary. It can be quickly shown on any free spot in a cafe or restaurant. For the joy of the birthday boy and for the amusement of the guests.
Another one humorous skit on the topic of finding a birthday gift. Choosing a gift is especially difficult. And in this case, the problem seems completely unsolvable. Both the guests and the birthday boy recognize themselves in this story.
By the way, this scene is also suitable for an anniversary. From five to 10 people can participate in it. The more, the more fun the scene will be.
Sketch about school, studying
From the title of the skit it is already clear that it is the most school-themed one. The plot is this: the school director calls a meeting to prepare educational institution to the arrival of strict inspection.
It’s always interesting to imagine how children will be taught this way in forty or fifty years. And if you add humor to these dreams, you will get a good scene for a school concert.
We tried to imagine how officials come up with new topics for final essays. This sketch will look natural in a concert on the occasion last call or school graduation. It can be played by both teachers and students.
Imagine that the famous TV presenter Andrei Malakhov quit his TV shows and began working as a literature teacher. In the skit we tried to show what his lesson would look like.
Imagine that, due to the crisis, it was decided to hold a summit of leaders from all countries of the world in one of the children's health camps. The skit is also good because it is popular, but everyone doesn’t need to learn the words.
New Year's scenes
Dynamic, modern, and most importantly - funny New Year's scene. The beginning is like this: Santa Claus reads the letters of the children and is completely disappointed in them.
New Year's party script for junior schoolchildren. Jack Sparrow, young hacker, Father Frost and Snow Maiden in one scenario. We guarantee humor!
Sketch-dialogues for two hosts of the New Year's evening. They will help out your concert and connect even the most disparate numbers with each other. The jokes are light, funny, New Year's jokes.
Anything can happen during the New Year holidays. The skit is about exactly this: the artistic director gives a scolding to the artists who performed at children's New Year's matinees. A scene in the spirit Comedy club with a fair amount of childish humor.
A new, up-to-date scenario for children New Year's holiday. Recognizable modern characters: Cashier of Pyaterochka, Father Frost, Snow Maiden, Baba Yaga, and the symbol of the new year 2019 - Pig.
The classic battle of the Old and New Years has been transferred to the walls of an ordinary office. The scene is suitable for a corporate New Year's party. If your department is asked to stage a skit, take it and don’t suffer.
The plot of the sketch is as follows: astrologers-predictors compete in predicting the New Year for office employees. As you understand, you can weave all your intra-office joys and current events into the scene. Success at the New Year's corporate party is guaranteed!
Let's go back three hundred years and imagine how Russia switched to celebrating the New Year in winter. Let's do this in the form of a fun scene. If you rent theatrical costumes, the scene will be simply bombastic.
Current New Year's scene on school theme. About how difficult it is for schoolchildren and teachers on the eve of the New Year. Suitable for school or student KVN on a New Year's theme.
The plot of the scene is this: somewhere in the north there is a secret base for training Santa Clauses. How can they do without preparation?! You can show such a scene at KVN and at the New Year’s concert.