“I had the best evening with her - my pen is shaking in my hands!”

Nicholas II and Matilda Kshesinskaya: for more than a hundred years their relationship has haunted historians, politicians, fiction writers, idle gossips, zealots of morality... State Archives Russian Federation, we got acquainted with the diaries of Nikolai Romanov, which he kept in 1890-1894 (the bulk of these entries were known only to a narrow circle of specialists). The diaries shed light on the height of the dancer's romance with the crown prince.

This spring, MK published previously unpublished diaries of Matilda Kshesinskaya herself. The miraculously preserved notebooks end in January 1893 - and at the most intriguing moment. The dancer had an “extremely difficult conversation” with Nikolai: Matilda insisted that it was time for them to finally experience the “bliss of love.”

The heir to the throne, as Kshesinskaya describes, responded: “It’s time!”, and promised that everything would soon happen.

From Matilda’s last entry dated January 23, 1893, it follows that Nikolai did not visit her after this conversation; the ballerina continued to wait for his visit.

THE INTIMATE DIARIES OF MATILDA KSHESINSKAYA - in our SPECIAL PROJECT "MATILDA"

But the object of her passion also kept a diary, maybe there are some convincing facts there? What did the future Nicholas II himself write about during this period? And what is his overall “version” of the affair with Kshesinskaya?

Until now, articles and books have quoted only isolated fragments from the early diaries of Nikolai Romanov, including those for 1890 - the first half of 1894. The MK correspondent had to sit down for several weeks in the State Archive of the Russian Federation and study the notebooks stored there, filled with the hand of the future Russian emperor.

And we found an entry in the diary of the heir to the throne from exactly the same January 23rd, on which Matilda’s surviving diary was interrupted! And the main thing is from January 25, when Nikolai “spent the best evening with her,” after which “the pen was shaking in his hands.”

But before we try to unravel the tangle of Nicholas’s amorous relationship with Matilda with the help of a diary, let’s take a look at other, notable from an everyday point of view, episodes in the life of the Tsarevich.

“I decided to get a dragon tattoo.”

Nothing human was alien to him. In relation to Nikolai Alexandrovich Romanov, the future Russian Emperor and Royal Passion-Bearer, who many years later was canonized as a Saint, such a statement does not at all look like sacrilege.

The “compromising” diary entries made by this man in his youth, in fact, cannot at all belittle the feat of his final period of life - after his renunciation. And even more so, their quoting here should not be regarded as an attempt to denigrate the Orthodox Saint revered by many.

Finally, canonical church literature, “Lives of the Saints” and even the Bible contain references to many people who at first led an unrighteous existence, but at some point repented of past sins and accomplished a spiritual feat.

So we will be sympathetic to the weaknesses of Tsarevich Nicholas. Including his interest in a pretty ballerina. We must not forget that during the period of time that interests us, the future king was a little over 20!

« June 22, 1890. Bivouac at Tsarskaya Slavyanka... We had a wonderfully fun time all night: we had dinner, played in the hay, ran in the garden, climbed on the roof and told jokes after dinner. The evening and night of the event are ideal.

April 16, 1891. (During a long stop in Nagasaki, Japan - A.D.) After lunch I decided to get a dragon tattoo on my right hand. It took exactly seven hours - from 9 pm to 4 am! It is enough to go through this kind of pleasure once to discourage yourself from starting again. The dragon came out great, and my hand didn’t hurt at all!

February 16, Sunday. A sweeping Maslenitsa. Now after breakfast I went with Ksenia (sister - A.D.) to the ballet “King Candaulus”... We had a very fun dinner at Uncle Alexei’s and finally, having lost Maslenitsa, returned home at 3 o’clock in the morning.

February 17. (The first day of Lent is A. D.) Fasting began. Thoughts and thoughts have not yet been fully applied to the church direction after Maslenitsa. But it doesn’t matter, I like opposites.”

Judging by the diary entries, only the first six days of Lent were spent by the entire royal family under strict restrictions. On Saturday, during the first week of week, the sovereign with his wife and children received Holy Communion, and after that it was possible to “relax” again - at least to the younger generation, – right down to the basis of Holy Week.

“28th of February. I’m lucky that I don’t have any consequences from drinking the next day. On the contrary, I feel better and somehow excited!... At 8 o'clock. had lunch. Then he ended up at the notorious Izmailovsky leisure (feast of officers in the Izmailovsky Guards Regiment - A. D.), stuck in the shelf until 6 am - this has already been going on for two nights in a row - it’s simply unbearable!

March 16. We had dinner... with the ladies. Then I was and even stayed in wine vapors until 6 o’clock. Morning."

Mentions of cheerful “childish” undertakings, even not always characteristic of his age, are, of course, more common in the heir’s notes on ordinary days.

« 14th of April. At 7 o'clock. went to P.A. Cherevin (adjutant general - A.D.). Besides me, Dimka Golitsyn, Volodya Sh., Hesse, Nikita Vsevolozhsky, Kotya Obolensky, Kochubey and Gorbunov dined. They fed us... excellently; Gorbunov's jokes are very good. Especially obscene ones...

July 11. Woke up on the sofa near the bathroom. I felt extremely unreliable the whole day, as if a squadron had spent the night in my mouth... Returning to my room after breakfast, I began to experience the unfortunate consequences of the feast. He fell asleep with Mama (that’s what he called his mother, Empress Maria Fedorovna - A. D.) on the couch, then took a walk and came home to tea, which I didn’t want to drink at all.

21 July. Now it’s been a month since I stopped shaving, and some funny semblance of a beard has grown on my chin. It’s even somehow surprising to write about this!

2nd of March. I went with Mitya in the troika on duty to Uncle Pavel (Grand Duke Pavel Alexandrovich - A.D.). We played with balls upstairs, broke two chandeliers and went downstairs to drink tea...

September 17. We rode bicycles and had a great apple fight. A good time for 25-year-old boys!”

In fairness, it should be noted, along with all these liberties, even outright boyishness, also the truly devout faith of the future emperor. Almost every Sunday diary entry mentions his attendance at mass in the church. And this was by no means for the heir to the throne a force over himself, a forced concession to court protocol. We find confirmation of this, for example, in the diary for 1893.

"November 28, Sunday. I really don’t like it when I can’t go to church on Sunday!” (This time the Tsarevich was in Oranienbaum, where they organized another hunt for elk. - A. D.).

“I looked from behind the curtain at a women’s gymnastics lesson.”

A separate selection of quotes from the diary is devoted to the “women's issue.” The young Tsarevich did not often - if we exclude mentions of Matilda Kshesinskaya and Alice of Hesse, his future wife - addressed this piquant topic in his notes. Did the ladies' charms really leave him indifferent? But it is all the more interesting to read those rare mentions of Nicholas about representatives of the fair sex, in which, at least, there is some hint of flirting or, conversely, a categorical unpreparedness for it.

« March 18, 1891. I had a lot of fun (in Saigon, at a ball given by the French admiral Vonar - A.D.) behind the cotillion, when he danced with the lovely m-m Banche. I confess that I am completely carried away by her - she is such a sweet, beautiful lady and speaks amazingly well! I danced with her for three hours, and it seemed to me too short a time!.. When we parted, we said goodbye touchingly... It was at 5 ½ o'clock. morning.

April 15, 1891. Finally, at eight o’clock, in excellent sunny weather, we saw the high shores of the long-desired Japan... Having passed the island of Panenberg... we saw Nagasaki in the depths of the bay... In the evening there were only 8 people in the wardroom; nevertheless, the midshipmen were in the Russian village of Inasu (a Russian colony that existed on the outskirts of Nagasaki - A.D.), where everyone has already married.

I admit that I would really like to follow the general example, but it’s a shame, since Holy Week has arrived.”

(This refers to the tradition established in those years among Russian naval officers: during long stays in Japan, to “marry” the local young beauties. In the Country Rising Sun there was even a term “temporary wife”. This was the name for the officially permitted relationship between a foreign subject and a Japanese subject: for the period of the foreigner’s stay in Japan, he received - by paying a certain amount - “for family use” a girl from a low-income family that he liked, whom he was obliged to support in a dignified manner. The terms of such “lease” could vary from a month to several years - A.D.)

“January 29, 1892. He climbed into Ksenia’s room and from behind the curtain looked at her gymnastics lesson with a pretty young lady.

November 24.(In the Abas-Tuman estate - A.D.) The ladies are still the same: the old widow of Admiral G.M. Butakov, Azbeleva with her sister (muzzle), the wife of the Bulgarian officer Krestev, Kobordo’s daughter and a young Muscovite with a governess - an ass-shaped Swiss.

February 26, 1894. At 3 o’clock the ball began in Anichkovo... I was dissatisfied with the gloomy female cast.”

“Little Kshesinskaya has become even prettier”

Let us turn to the main thing, for the sake of which the diaries of the Tsarevich were taken from the archival funds. Additional assistance in deciphering and assessing some events can be provided by Kshesinskaya’s diary outpourings - much more detailed. And some moments in the relationship between Nikolai and Matilda will be convincingly evidenced by the complete absence of mentions of them in the diary.

« March 23, 1890. We went to a performance at the Theater School. There were small plays and the choreography was very good. We had dinner with the pupils.”

Very succinctly. And without mentioning the name of Matilda Kshesinskaya. But it is still known for sure that they actually met on this day. All communication details young man and the girls at the ever-memorable dinner in detail - on two pages, Malechka described in her diary. Her heart really skipped a beat at that first meeting. But the Tsarevich seemed to be “breathing smoothly” at first. Although he was clearly impressed by the talent of the young ballerina.

The first and very unambiguous mention of Matilda appears - however, this quote has been published more than once.

"July 6. I slept until 5 ½ pm. After lunch we went to the theater. Positively, Kshesinskaya 2 is very interesting to me. (Two Kshesinsky sisters danced in the ballet troupe. The eldest, Julia, was called Kshesinskaya 1st in the posters, and the younger, Matilda, Kshesinskaya 2nd. - A.D.)

July 31st. After a snack in last time went to the lovely Krasnoselsky theater. I said goodbye to Kshesinskaya.

August 1. At 12 noon the standards were consecrated. Standing in the formation of the division at the Krasnoselsky theater teased with its memories!”

This is about fleeting meetings in the theater backstage with Matilda! So, have you already been “captured” by a pretty ballerina? However, subsequent events did not contribute to the development of this hobby: the Tsarevich left for the regiment for military maneuvers near Narva. Kshesinskaya’s charm, it seems, has not yet worked at such a long distance. But the Tsarevich’s thoughts turned to another representative of the beautiful hollow, whose interest awoke in him much earlier - Alice of Hesse, the future empress.

« August 20. God! How I want to go to Ilyinskoye! Victoria and Alix (Princess Alice of Hesse - A.D.). Otherwise, if I don’t see her now, I’ll have to wait a whole year, and that’s hard!!!”

Then there was almost a month of the Tsarevich’s stay with his parents at the royal hunting residence of Spala on the territory of Poland. And only at the end of September he returned to his native land. Some time after this, the name of the charming choreographic diva again appeared in the records.

« 17 October. At 7 o'clock we drove from Ropsha to St. Petersburg to say goodbye to ballet! The wonderful “Sleeping Beauty” was on. I saw Kshesinskaya 2nd.”

A long separation awaited him from his family, from the St. Petersburg theaters, and from the girl he liked. Alexander III sent his eldest son on a trip to the Far Sunrise. The crown prince returned to the Russian capital only in August 1892.

« August 4, 1892. For the first time I was at the Krasnoselsky Theater. The play was sad, but the ballet was lively. I saw little Kshesinskaya, who became even prettier.”

Matilda Kshesinskaya in a ballet role.

Then again there followed a long interval of time without any mention of this young lady in the diary. The Tsarevich was faced with a new parting with the capital's regions. Together with his parents, he went to Denmark to visit his maternal relatives. And after that, Alexander III and his loved ones moved to Crimea for a traditional vacation. It was only towards mid-November that the royal family re-established itself in Gatchina. But in diary entries In the following days, Nicholas has no mention of meetings with Kshesinskaya, or at least that he dreams of such meetings. But in the notebook there is a mention of a completely different cherished desire.

"21 December. In the evening at Mom's... we talked about the lives of today's young people from society. This conversation touched the most living string of my soul, touched that dream, that hope that I live with every day. A year and a half has already passed since I talked about this with Papa in Peterhof, and since then nothing has changed, either bad or in a good way! – My dream is to someday marry Alix G. I have loved her for a long time, but even deeper and stronger since 1889, when she spent 6 weeks in St. Petersburg in winter. I resisted my feeling for a long time, trying to deceive myself with the impossibility of realizing my cherished dream!.. The only obstacle or gap between her and me is the problem of religion!.. I’m almost convinced that our feelings are mutual!”

However, in the absence of any direct contacts with Alice, after some time the heir returned to interest in the “ballet charmer.”

« February 15, 1892 Today I was overcome by stage fever, which happens every Maslenitsa. After a short reception I went to Mariinskii Opera House to my favorite “Sleeping Beauty”... I talked a little on stage with K.

28th of February. I went for a ride with Ksenia in a stroller and met someone on the embankment.”

Behind this impersonal mention in the context of old records, Matilda Kshesinskaya is clearly visible. Moreover, in her diary she repeatedly described how she specially rode in a carriage along the central streets of St. Petersburg in order to “accidentally” meet the Tsarevich.

« 10th of March. At 8 o'clock. went to the Theater School, where I saw good performance drama classes and ballet. At dinner I sat with the pupils as before, only little Kshesinskaya is sorely missing.”

“My poor Little One had a sore eye.”

The most important event in the “heartfelt” story of Nikolai and Matilda happened the next day. It marked the beginning of a much more trusting relationship between the Tsarevich and the ballerina.

« March 11, 1892. I spent the evening in a wonderful manner: I went to a new place for me, to the Kshesinsky sisters. They were terribly surprised to see me there. I sat with them for more than 2 hours, chatting about everything incessantly. Unfortunately, my poor Little One had a pain in her eye, which was bandaged, and besides, her leg was not entirely healthy. But the joy was great on both sides! After drinking tea, I said goodbye to them and arrived home at one in the morning. The three of us had a great time on the last day of my stay in St. Petersburg with such faces!

March 19. I went for a ride. On Morskaya I met K…. I took a walk in the garden and sipped some tea all by myself!”

From the first days of their close acquaintance, a correspondence began between Nikolai and Matilda. Judging by Kshesinskaya’s diary notes, they sometimes wrote messages to each other almost every day. However, in the diary of the Tsarevich, mention of the epistolary side of their relationship with Malechka occurs only once.

"20th of March. The weather was bad and the mood was not good. I didn’t receive the letter and that’s why I was bored! But what can you do, not every day is a holiday!”

But the future emperor very punctually makes notes about every, even fleeting, meeting with his crush.

« 21 March. I went to the Small Theater to Uncle Alexei's box. They gave an interesting play“Thermidor”... The Kshesinskys were sitting directly opposite in the theater!

March 22. After breakfast at 1 ¼ I immediately went for a ride into the city... I saw the Kshesinskys again. They were in the playpen and then stood still on the Karavannaya.

March 23. I went to St. Petersburg for 4 days!.. At 11 o’clock. evening went to my friends Kshesinsky. I spent time with them in a fun and homely way. The older one was playing the piano, and I was chatting with the younger one! Beautiful evening!

March 24. After lunch I went to visit the Kshesinskys, where I spent a pleasant hour and a half..."

Apparently, the charm of the pretty ballerina played a role, and the Tsarevich became seriously interested in her. However, his emotions for Alice did not leave him.

« April 1st. A very strange phenomenon that I notice in myself: I never thought that two identical emotions, two loves are simultaneously compatible in the soul. Now it’s been four years that I love Alix G. and I constantly cherish the thought, God willing, of ever marrying her!.. And from the camp of 1890 to this time I have passionately fallen in love (platonically) with little K. An amazing thing our heart! At the same time, I can’t stop thinking about Alix G. Really, can we conclude after this that I’m very amorous? To a certain extent, yes. But I must add that inside I am a strict judge and extremely picky!

Nikolai's diary.

An interesting fact: at first, after his first visit to the Kshesinsky house, Nikolai uses very gentle addresses in his notes - Malenka, Malechka. And from the diaries of the dancer herself it is known that during that visit of the Tsarevich on March 11, they agreed to call each other confidentially: Niki and Malya. However, in the future, the heir to the throne himself avoided such familiarity - at least on the pages of the diary. Either initials or surname appear there.

« 14th of April. At about 11 ½ I went to M. Kshesinskaya. She was alone again. We spent time chatting and reading “The Petersburg Action.”

« April 16. I rode along different streets and met the Kshesinskys... We arrived with Sandro and Sergei (Grand Dukes Alexander and Sergei Mikhailovich - A.D.) in the arena. They gave " Queen of Spades"! I enjoyed sitting through this opera. M. danced in the shepherdess. Then I went to see her, unfortunately, only for a short time. Our conversations are fun and lively! I enjoy these dates.

20 April. I went to St. Petersburg... I rode in a carriage for a long time and met the Kshesinskys 4 times. I drive by, bow importantly and try not to laugh! At 7 o'clock. had lunch at Sandro's and together at 9 o'clock. we went to the court musical choir... There was a French operetta... He left only at 12 ½ straight to M.K. He stayed for a very long time and had an extremely good time. There was even a little treat! I was extremely happy to learn from M. something that interested me very much! It's time! I'm on my way!"

The final part of the diary entry looks intriguing. What is “time”? – One could assume Nikolai’s determination to take some active actions for further development this love story and take the relationship with the girl he likes to a more “serious” level. However, neither in Matilda’s diaries, nor in the diaries of Nicholas himself in the following days, weeks, months, is there a hint of such revolutionary changes. Although their meetings occurred frequently, sometimes the Tsarevich stayed (but he stayed!) with his beloved until the morning.

« April 21. We went to the newly opened opera “Prince Silver”... From the theater I went to M. Kshesinskaya, where I again spent a nice evening. This is how it got promoted – for the second day in a row. Sandro also showed up there for an hour. They danced to his music!

April 29. At 10 o'clock I went from Gatchino to St. Petersburg and from the station straight to the Kshesinskys. It was the last evening (the Tsarevich had to go to a military field camp - A.D.), but also the best. The older sister returned from the opera and went to bed, leaving M. and me alone. We talked about a lot of things to our liking!

April 30. We parted at about 5 o'clock. morning, when the sun had already risen high. It is done conscientiously, passing by policemen. (As Matilda Kshesinskaya wrote in her diary, there were cases when the Tsarevich even gave money to the law enforcement officers on duty on the street so that they “wouldn’t recognize him.” A. D.)

“May 3. In the military camp in Kaporsky, I walked around in a sad mood all day. Real melancholy is gnawing at me!”

The Tsarevich sailed with his parents to Denmark. The royal family stayed abroad until the end of May, and soon after returning to Russia, without staying in St. Petersburg, the crown prince went to a camp on the Military Field near Mikhailovka.

Rich in events and meetings, the “abroad”, and then the everyday life of the army, so dear to his heart, quite quickly overshadowed in Nikolai’s head the seductive memories of his dates with Matilda. Not even a hint of it in his notes for this period - more than two months! – does not occur.

“The kidnapping was carried out quickly and secretly!”

The next stage of the “love series” began in July 1892.

"July 23. After a rehearsal with the battery of the ceremonial march on the Military Field, he went to gallop to Scarlet and casually dropped into the theater for a rehearsal. I spent a very pleasant hour with M. Kshesinskaya, who positively turned my head!

July 27. At 2 ½ pm I went to Aloe for a rehearsal, which dragged on. I returned to Mikhailovka by lunchtime, after which I went with Sergei to the theater. After the performance, he moved to another troika without bells, returned to the theater and, taking M.K. with him, took him first for a ride and, finally, to a large military camp. The five of us had a great dinner. The kidnapping was carried out quickly and secretly! Felt very happy! We parted ways at six o'clock in the morning, the sun was shining high...

July 28th. I didn’t have to sleep much, so what! But the reason is too good and such a vigil is not even enough for her... After breakfast I sat in my room and kept remembering last night...

5th of August. Having seen Dad and Mom off after visiting my home in Mikhailovka to the intersection of the road with Ropshinskoye Highway, I rode on horseback to Krasnoe for the last time for a rehearsal at the theater. I talked with M.K., consoled her before separation, but, it seems, to no avail, the melancholy began to be strong!.. At 8 o'clock. went to last performance Krasnoselsky Theater... In the evening I took M.K. for a ride in a troika and said good-bye to her.”

This time the Tsarevich was absent until mid-December. He again participated in military maneuvers (now near Ivangorod). He spent almost the entire September with his parents in the royal hunting residences in Poland. Then there was a trip to Austria, Greece, and, finally, a long stay in Abas-Tuman - visiting my brother.

In the records for this period, there are no signs of the Tsarevich’s regret about the meeting with Matilda, which was delayed for almost another month. So, Nikolai once again caught a cold, finding himself far from the pretty St. Petersburg ballerina? Although, judging by Kshesinskaya’s diaries, correspondence between them was not interrupted during these months.

Having finally returned to the capital, the heir to the throne is in no hurry to resume dating. Judging by the records, he saw Matilda in January.

« January 3. Although I was an officer on duty, Dad let me go into the arena. There was a mixture of different ballets, but nevertheless it was successful. Finally M.K. danced, and I was very pleased with her!

4 January. After sitting with Sandro, I went to M.K. for an hour. I grabbed Yu. too, it was nice!”

That very evening

The moment has come for the lovers to make a decisive explanation. The heir's diary entry about the events of that day related to Kshesinskaya is very laconic.

« January 8. At 6 ½ pm I went to the Preobrazhensky Regiment for a monthly dinner. Had a great time. I visited M.K. and stayed with her for a long time. We had a serious conversation with each other."

But Matilda described the vicissitudes of a “serious conversation” in every detail - she insisted on intimacy, Nikolai seemed to fall, saying the notorious “It’s time” and promising that everything would happen in a week.

Read more about this in our article “He said “It’s time!”: the culmination of the novel by Matilda Kshesinskaya and Nikolai”

What happened to Nikolai these days, did he somehow prepare for such an exciting “event”, did he think about it, anticipate it?

« January 9. We went ice skating... We had family dinner, after which we went to the French arena. They gave a funny play... Finally went to bed early.

January 10. In the evening there was a conversation with the three of Dad and Mom. I’m allowed to start finding out about Alix when I’m in Berlin.”

Very interesting. That is, “amorous affairs” with Matilda did not captivate him even at this stage? And on the eve of his closest relationship with the charming ballerina, the heir to the throne continued to think about the German princess, leaving no hope of achieving success with Alice of Hesse?

The next day, the Tsarevich actually went to Berlin to attend the wedding of Kaiser Wilhelm's younger sister. Nikolai’s “representative” visit lasted a week, but during this time his “Hessian dream” was mentioned only once in the diary, and even then laconically, without emotion.

It is clear that His Highness’s “approaches” regarding the possibility of his upcoming marriage to a German beauty did not yield any results. Someone else in his place in a similar situation, you see, would have decided to quickly “fill the vacuum.” Now is the time to fulfill the promise given to Malechka! However, the Tsarevich was clearly in no hurry to do this. A day, two, three passed after his return to St. Petersburg, but no rendezvous between the heir to the throne and the ballerina happened. Moreover, Nikolai was the culprit for this. It seems that he deliberately avoided a visit to the house of the Kshesinsky sisters, finding excuses to replace the “decisive” meeting with Malechka with something else.

In the diaries - playing billiards, gatherings with guards officers, dancing... - this is great, however, if a young man is truly passionate about a girl and knows that she is really waiting for him... And not just really waiting! Yes, here you will abandon all other entertainment and rush off to a date! However, Nikolai found time only on the sixth day of his stay in St. Petersburg. Smoothly on the day on which Kshesinskaya’s diary ends - “I hoped that he would come to me, and so I hurried home!

And he went.

« January 23. After tea I recited. At 7 o'clock. There was lunch at Uncle Alexei's. Then everyone went to the Mikhailovsky Theater... Finally we managed to go to M.K.... Had a very nice time with her."

Judging by this completely standard wording, the date was the same as before: no “exclusive”. And the next day again found itself occupied by His Highness’s participation in high society life.

“January 24. At 10 o'clock the first Concert Ball began in the Winter Palace. It was alive. I danced the mazurka and dined with the eldest princess Gorchakova - very reminiscent of M.K.”

Malechka would probably be delighted to read this remark: it means that her position in the heart of the Tsarevich is preserved! And the next day, the persistent young lady could even celebrate a big victory. Here, perhaps, main quote about the romance of Nikolai and Matilda.

« January 25, Monday. In the evening I flew to my M.K. and spent the best evening with her so far. Being impressed by her, the pen is shaking in my hands!”

There are no specific formulations in this clumsy (due to excess emotions?) entry from Nikolai. Let everyone who reads it draw conclusions “to the extent of their own depravity.” Wishing... Can anyone explain what could have happened between two lovers that could make the young man’s hands shake with excitement even half a day later? Hugged and kissed? So they (judging by Kshesinskaya’s diaries) had “sinned” like this long before. Means…

"Gichiri-pichiri was happening"

Starting from the significant day of January 25, 1893, “delightful” meetings between the Tsarevich and the dancer became regular. Their number can even be counted if desired, since Nikolai meticulously recorded each of their rendezvous in his diary.

« January 27. At 12 o’clock in the evening I went to M.K., with whom I stayed until 4 o’clock. We chatted well, laughed, and tinkered.”

Let it be, however the last word does not introduce excessive temptation to supporters of “maximum” relationships between Nikolai and Matilda. Indeed, in the diaries of the heir to the throne, such a verb is used in different interpretations. “We were fiddling around during our walk, jumping and getting stuck in places where the snow was deeper.” “There was a lot of fiddling around in the ballroom of the Winter Palace.” “I was fiddling around at home with checking the officers’ tasks...”

« January 29. After lunch we went to the Mariinsky Arena to see “Mlada” - an opera-ballet... From the theater I went only for an hour, unfortunately, to see M.K.

January 30. Let's go to the French theater... Returning home, I stopped by the 1st battalion, examined the resting soldiers and went to M.K. Spent a wonderful 3 hours with her!

January 31. Got up late, but in great spirits... We had a snack at home at 7 ½ o'clock. Just at this time “Sleeping Beauty” began, and my thoughts were there, since the main thing actor was M.K.!

1st of February. At 10 ¼ pm I went... to a ball in the Marine Corps... I left at one o'clock and went to M.K. The conversation with her was of a sharp nature, but everything ended for the better.

February 3rd. After a snack, I went with Aunt Marie to a funny play... Having brought her home, I went to M.K. and from there the four of us in a troika (also Yulia Kshesinskaya and Baron Alexander Zeddeler, her future husband - A.D.) went for a ride to the islands. It was extremely nice... We arrived at Zeddeler's, where we had a great dinner. We returned to them in pairs (Kshesinsky – A.D.) to the apartment, where I stayed until 6 o'clock. morning.

February 6. Left at 12 o'clock. to Uncle Alexei, had a good dinner with him and then visited my M.K., where he stayed until 6 o’clock. morning."

The days of fasting began. His Highness had to keep himself “strict” at least for a while. And this is in full swing love relationship It wasn’t easy with Matilda. However, as mentioned above, young Nikolai observed real fasting only in the first and last week. At the end of winter and beginning of spring, the heir appears at Kshesinskaya’s almost every day.

We were especially interested in the mysterious expression “gichiri-pichiri” in the crown prince’s description of further events.

« February 8. Lent!.. It is now necessary to lead a moderate life - go to bed and get up early!.. Fasting has begun. What was running through my head was not waltzes and quadrilles, as happened before after the season, but more music from “Sleeping.”

February 13, Saturday. At mass I received Holy Communion... In the evening we finished the fast at the all-night vigil.

The 14th of February. At 7 ½ there was a family dinner, after which I went to the French theater. Spent most of the evening at M.K.

18th of Febuary. I drank tea upstairs at Mama’s and then went for two hours to M.K. – the last time I was in their old apartment. (The sisters moved to this rental housing from their father’s house on Malechka’s initiative back in 1892: anticipating future regular meetings with the Tsarevich, she was worried about “flying away” from her parental care. In the winter of 1893, Malya and Yulia moved to a more spacious and comfortable “ nest." A.D.)

February 20th. I didn’t go to the arena, but I went to M.K. and had a great time with the four of us (with Julia and A. Zeddeler - A.D.) had a housewarming dinner. They moved to a new home, a cozy two-story mansion... It’s very nice to have a separate household and be independent. We sat again until 4 o'clock.

February 23. After homemade tea, I went to the regiment for a general dinner... From there I went to M.K. The five of us had dinner with Preobrazhenskaya. Then gichiri-pichiri (??? – A.D.). At night, returning home, he wandered for a long time on foot due to the lack of a cab.

25 February. I drank tea at home and went to M.K., where I had dinner as usual and had a great time.

March, 3rd. He left for home at 12 ½ at night and, having changed clothes, went to M.K. He stayed until the morning.

5th of March. After tea I went to M.K. We had an excellent dinner together. I arrived home at 5 am.

March 8. At 12½ I went to M.K.’s for dinner; were Preobrazhensky. We played makashka (in Macau - A.D.), had fun.

9th of March. Returning home from the German arena, I went to M.K. We had a great dinner with quite a large group. I arrived home at 4 ¼ o'clock."

Meanwhile, the date arrived in this heartfelt story: exactly a year has passed since that significant evening when the Tsarevich came to the Kshesinskys’ house for the first time and their rapprochement with Malechka began.

"11th of March. In the evening I went to M.K. We had a great dinner and everyone was in great spirits. I stopped by Zeddeler's, chatted and had a drink. This is how I celebrated the first anniversary of this day.

March 14th. After dinner, I took Ksenia to the Vorontsovs, with whom we spent the entire evening. Returning home, he went to M.K. The three of us had dinner, since A. had gone to the line (to his regiment stationed in Malaya Vishera - A.D.). Had a perfect night!

March 16. I went to M.K. for the last time. The four of us had dinner with Preobrazhenskaya. It was very sad to leave after two months of just dating.”

Cooling

The heir to the throne had to travel a lot on business trips: this was required by army service, and more often by parental will. In mid-March 1893, together with Papa and Mama, Nikolai set off from St. Petersburg to Crimea. He really didn’t want to part with Matilda in the heat of their love.

« 18th of March. (In a train carriage on the way to Sevastopol. – A.D.) In the evenings I especially think about someone!”

However, even at such a “peak” of affairs, the heir to the throne, finding himself far from the object of his desires, quickly calmed down. His heartfelt impulses subsided literally in a matter of days, and there are no further hints of “passion for Matilda”, of a desire to quickly return to St. Petersburg and see her in his diaries. However, Nikolai writes that he would like to be in the capital, but he indicates a completely different reason.

« April 6. I asked Dad about the date of my return to St. Petersburg. He said that I should stay here, since now our family very rarely gets together. And I’m very sorry, I really wanted to see the regiment again!”

I missed my fellow officers, friendly conversations and feasts, drill exercises, but not at all the affection of women. And this applies not only to Malechka. Between the lines of the diary, the same absence of male emotions can be read in relation to another girl who seemed to be of great interest to him - Alice of Hesse. Her name has not been mentioned even once in Nikolai’s notes in all these months. Have you cooled down to the German princess? Or did he consider that the obstacles to marriage with her were too great?

Portrait of Alyssa of Hesse.

Perhaps, the young heir to the throne’s relationship even with the women he cares about can be likened to the interaction of a piece of paper and a match: when there is a flame in the distance, it does not affect the sheet in any way, and only when they come closer does the fire spread to the paper, and it flares up. While he and Matilda were separated by two thousand miles, the Tsarevich remained completely indifferent to love affairs. But as soon as he returned to St. Petersburg, the meeting took place the very next day.

There are no details or emotions in the recording. However, it seems that the “flame” did not “burn out” very much this time. In any case, over the next few weeks, no mention of new meetings with Kshesinskaya could be found in the diary. And on the eve of his next “absence” from the capital (he was due to visit England), Nikolai writes that he doesn’t really want to leave because “it’s hard to leave the regiment and your battalion just at the most active time in the camp.” Again, army interests and no “heartfelt” reasons!

This foreign voyage lasted more than two weeks. After him, there was no “renaissance” in the relationship between Matilda and Nikolai. That is, the friendship between these two young people still existed, but it was very moderate. They met, but fleetingly, briefly. There was no longer any talk of any dates that lasted until dawn.

This is precisely the conclusion that arises when you read the diary of the heir to the throne for this stage. Apparently, it was Nikolai who initiated this “calm down”.

Against the backdrop of an obvious cooling towards Kshesinskaya, Nikolai was quite happy with the cheerful bachelor life in a military camp. However, this freedom came to an end. Very soon the imperial family once again went to visit their relatives in Denmark. These Danish “vacations” lasted almost two months,

The St. Petersburg autumn of 1893, and then the winter, passed for His Highness in virtually complete detachment from Kshesinskaya, who had once so enchanted him. The Tsarevich no longer maintained personal contacts with her, although he himself admitted in his notes that he lacked human friendly communication.

What caused the cooling? From the memoirs of contemporaries we know that rumors about the affair between Kshesinskaya and Nikolai were discussed with might and main in high society. The heir to the throne was watched by the police “for security reasons” - his trips to Kshesinskaya were also popular from these sources. In general, the matter was becoming too resonant.

But the main thing is that the Tsarevich did not leave thoughts about Alice of Hesse. However, he unexpectedly paid attention to another ballerina.

« November 17. I dined at Uncle Misha's and went to the wonderful Sleeping Beauty. Danced by M. Kshesinskaya. From the theater straight to Gatchino, where I arrived at 12 ½”.

Having received pure aesthetic pleasure from the ballet, Nikolai did not even linger in the theater, let alone go, as he had done before, to visit Malechka. Instead, go home and rest.

Surely Kshesinskaya was very worried about her obvious defeat in her relationship with Nikolai. And then a dangerous competitor appeared on the stage, threatening to intercept the attention of the avid theatergoer - the Tsarevich. Indeed, in his diaries there appeared enthusiastic references to the new ballet performance of the Mariinsky Arena.

« December 4. At 2 o'clock I went to the dress rehearsal of the new ballet "Cendrillon". The new Italian Pierina Legnani danced marvelously.

January 9, 1894 We hurried to the choreography. There was a revival of “Katarina” with Legnani, who danced marvelously. I've never seen anything like it!

January 23. After the snack I went to choreography. “Cinderella” was playing again. I went to the stage and met Legnani.

January 26. At 8 o'clock. I went with Mama, Ksenia and Sandro to the theater. There was a benefit performance by Legnani in the wonderful “Coppelia”. I gave her and my uncles a brooch.”

Pierina Legnani.

Matilda, at the end of 1893, nevertheless tried to launch a “counter-offensive” and regain, at least partially, her position in the heart of the Tsarevich. In the last weeks of December, her name suddenly appeared in Nikolai’s diary entries. And it didn’t just flash, he mentions several long, all-night “binges” in the Kshesinsky mansion. True, a large crowd gathered for these feasts, and, apparently, His Highness did not have any solitude with his former beloved.

« December 10. 1893 At 5 o’clock I went from Gatchino to St. Petersburg... Had dinner at M.K.’s once cheerful company. We played baccarat until the morning and lost.

That December evening in the house of the Kshesinsky sisters, about which Nikolai does not give any details, seemed to be the last real date in the “love story” of the crown prince and the ballerina. Further in the diaries of the heir to the throne, the name Matilda appears only a few times, and only then in connection with her participation in choreographic performances that he visited.

“I was hoping to stop being a bachelor”

So, apparently, feelings for the “magnificent” Matilda decisively disappeared from the heart of the heir to the throne.

As for the future Russian empress, in November 1893, Nicholas received a message from the object of his affections that seemed to finally put an end to all matrimonial plans.

« November 18th. In the morning I opened the package that had been lying on the table since last night, and from Alix’s message from Darmstadt I learned that everything was over between us - a change of religion is impossible for her, and all my hope crumbles before this inexorable barrier, best dreams and your deepest wishes for the future. Until recently it seemed bright and tempting to me and even soon achievable, but now it seems indifferent!!! It is terribly difficult to appear calm and cheerful when in this way the problem regarding the entire future life is immediately resolved!

31th of December. Met New Year at Mom's... I must say in conclusion that he, that is, 1893, thank God, passed safely, but that I personally hoped to cease being a bachelor. But God Almighty alone is free in everything!”

This entry contains the main possible explanation for the metamorphoses that occurred in the relationship between Kshesinskaya and Nikolai in the second half of the year. Probably, the Tsarevich still seriously counted on the success of his matchmaking with Alice, and therefore - in order to be untainted before his future wife - he decided to nullify private communication with the ballerina. Another question, to which it is now unlikely to be answered, is what was more in such a decision: a strong-willed effort on oneself or a loss of elementary male interest in Matilda?

Nicholas and Alice of Hesse.

The story of the engagement of Nicholas and Alice of Hesse is widely known. It seems that after her disagreement, sent in November, Nikolai should have started looking for another candidate for his wife, but he did not want to give up. The opportunity to somehow influence the situation in his own communication with the princess appeared in the spring of 1894. Nikolai Alexandrovich was sent by his parents as a representative of the Russian Imperial family to the next “royal” wedding in Germany.

"5th of April. Coburg. Lord, what a day it is today! After coffee around 10 o'clock. came to Aunt Ella's room Erni (Alice's brother Duke Ernst-Ludwig of Hesse - A.D.) and Alix. She became remarkably prettier, but looked extremely sad. We were left alone, and then that conversation began between us, which I had long powerfully desired and at the same time was very afraid of. They talked until 12 o'clock, but to no avail. She is still opposed to changing religion. She, poor thing, cried a lot... My soul is tired today.”

However, after this, the “heavy artillery” joined the matchmaking business - the English Queen Victoria, Alice’s grandmother and her cousin, the German Emperor William II, came to Coburg for the wedding triumph. Thanks to common efforts, all the obstacles of the past were finally removed. On April 8, the engagement took place.

Overcome by the fever of love, the heir to the throne almost forgot about his passion for the theater: in his diaries there are no entries about attending performances. And even more so, Nikolai removed from himself all reminders of Kshesinskaya’s old passion.

And Matilda herself, knowing full well that it was impossible to return the crown prince’s feelings and prevent his marriage to Alice of Hesse, found the strength to cope with despair and find new support in her personal life. This strong-willed woman soon managed to find a replacement for Nikolai - also from the Romanov family. And she was now bored with people not of “royal” blood.

« December 15. The noble assembly holds an annual big masquerade in favor of the Humane Society. I was the subject of everyone's attention and, despite all this, I was not having fun, no one was interested in me. If only the Mikhailovichs (Grand Dukes Sergei and Alexander - A.D.) had been around, I would have had more fun. Previously, even a year ago, I would have been very pleased with this ball, but now I have become more demanding, I cannot have fun where there are only mere mortals.”

Grand Duke Sergei Mikhailovich.

Just one of the grand dukes mentioned in this entry - Sergei Mikhailovich Romanov, uncle of the Tsarevich - became the “comforter” of the charming ballerina...

Judging by the scant mentions of events in the diary entries of the heir to the throne himself, he had a serious relationship with Kshesinskaya only for less than four months in the winter-spring of 1893.

See photo report

Having read about the release of the historical drama “Matilda” and initially writing an article about the Polish actress Michalina Olshanska, who played main role in this film, I wanted to know as much as possible about the ballerina Matilda Kshesinskaya, the prototype main character. Who is this woman who, more than a hundred years after her two-year (three-year?) romance with Tsarevich Nicholas, still remains remembered and discussed from time to time by our contemporaries? Her name is rinsed and bowed by everyone and everything, including me. It was as if this dark-haired fairy had already been forgotten, but the film “Matilda”, shot by Russian director Alexei Uchitel, stirred up the muzzle of Matilda Kshesinskaya with a new, all-consuming force.

Honestly, before I heard about the new scandal surrounding the drama of Matilda and Tsarevich Nicholas, I didn’t even know about the existence of this ballerina. I am not interested in ballet, but regarding the personal life of the last All-Russian Emperor Nicholas II, I believed that his only woman was his legal wife Alexandra Fedorovna. It should be noted that I four days in a row Like an obsessed person, I read memoirs, letters, diaries of Matilda Kshesinskaya, Nicholas II, Alexandra Fedorovna, and all sorts of articles about them. Opinions and facts vary everywhere, but by comparing all the data and incorporating logic, much becomes clear. So, Matilda Kshesinskaya fell in love with Nicholas II, then still the Tsarevich Heir. In those days, being a ballerina meant having the opportunity to become the lover of high-ranking officials, wealthy aristocrats; many contemporaries call this a social elevator. That is, girls from the lower classes strived to get into ballet schools, to become prima ballerinas, then it would be quite possible to grab yourself a rich patron who would buy you a palace, shower you with jewelry, and ensure a comfortable existence. Was it condemned in society then or was it commonplace? Surely, among the ladies of the upper classes it was condemned, but the male population, of course, rejoiced at this order of things. That is, the building where the ballet was danced was something like the current stage with pop divas or a podium with models. Men had the opportunity to look at ballerinas; every self-respecting ballerina had a rich admirer. How else? Until now, as was the custom before, Russian, now pop singers, are looking for rich lovers, but now more often they become their legal wives. Everything is bought and sold, and it still saddens me. But do not think that Matilda Kshesinskaya became a ballerina in order to acquire a rich and influential admirer; our heroine grew up in an artistic family, her father and mother danced in ballet, and since childhood the girl could not imagine herself outside the stage. Many children were born into the family, but only one Matilda was seen in relations with aristocrats, in particular with the three Romanovs.

Many male historians sincerely admire Matilda not only as a prima ballerina who danced superbly, but still, first of all, as a girl capable of bewitching anyone. Matilda Kshesinskaya did not have the appearance of a diva, I will say more, if you did not know that this is the famous Matilda, who broke dozens of hearts, you would think that these are photographs of an ordinary ballerina of the 19th century. When women call Matilda Kshesinskaya an ugly, short-legged, snaggle-toothed intriguer, men cut them off and say with admiration that she had amazing energy! Most likely this was the case. After all, Matilda looks completely ordinary, but for sure. possessed extraordinary magnetism.

Was Nicholas II unconsciously in love with Matilda Kshesinskaya or was she just a short-term infatuation for him? After all, there are not only the diaries of the ballerina, but also the diaries of the Emperor himself. Well, he was in love, but at the same time he loved his bride - Princess Alix - born Princess Victoria Alice Elena Louise Beatrice of Hesse-Darmstadt, whom he first saw as a twelve-year-old girl. The Heir was 16 years old at that time. Princess Alix sank deeply into his heart; Nicholas’s diaries contain more and more about her. But since distance separated him and the sweetheart of his heart, they saw each other extremely rarely, but had the opportunity to correspond. Nikolai dreamed of becoming Alix’s husband, he cherished this dream for 10 years! But Nikolai was still a mere mortal, yes, he was the future Emperor, he was canonized after his death, but nothing human was alien to him, and therefore, when the ballerina Matilda Kshesinskaya began to charm him, he could not resist, although by all appearances, that he resisted for a very long time and stubbornly, was extremely careful and did not rush headlong into the pool, that is, he completely wanted to limit himself to talking until the morning. Matilda purposefully made the royal person fall in love with her; only after receiving a small hint of what Nicholas liked, she began to do everything to settle in his heart. Is it for selfish purposes?

Matilda or Malya, as her relatives called her, was definitely madly in love with Nikolai, although she was known as vain, but even such women are capable of losing their heads from love! She walked along the same streets as him, she looked at him point blank during her performances, she literally showered him with her vibes, she went out of her way to please him. And in the end she succeeded. At one time, Nikolai even wrote in his diaries that two women lived in his heart - Princess Alix and ballerina Matilda. But all this lasted only a few years, the fact is that Nikolai traveled around the country, went on long trips abroad, and during this time his feelings for Matilda faded away, that is, out of sight, out of mind, but as soon as he visited the ballet again, he noticed how much prettier Matilda had become in his absence. The ballerina persuaded him to continue the romance, she insisted and demanded, but he resisted as best he could, because he believed that by entering into a more serious relationship with Matilda, he would be responsible for her future fate and life. But isn’t this what Matilda herself wanted? To have such a patron? Of course, she was in love, the future king was handsome, there is no doubt about that, and then how women are affected by the realization that they can go down in history, perhaps as the first woman of one of the kings. At that time, Matilda did not know that this was the last All-Russian Emperor, otherwise she would have gone out of her way even more to achieve her goal. But do not think that all women of this kind do not love their benefactors.

Nikolai was often very cool, he rarely answered Matilda’s letters, she wrote him news after message, but he was in no hurry to answer, being in the ballet he looked at other ballerinas, gave reason for jealousy, all this infuriated Matilda, and sometimes made her angry. The most interesting part of the novel did not last long; judging by the analysis of Nikolai’s own diary, it lasted no more than 3-4 months. And if initially the future Sovereign was wildly pleased by Matilda Kshesinskaya, then he somehow gradually began to cool towards her, and in the end everything came to naught. There was no torment about the fact that he was forced to part with Malechka in his diaries! All his dreams were directed towards his deeply beloved Princess Alix! The diaries and letters of Nicholas II and his wife Alexandra Fedorovna, the presence of five beloved children, the henpeckedness of the tsar, who dreamed of choosing not to rule the country, but a calm, measured family life, suggests that he was deeply devoted to his wife, loved her, and allowed her a lot. In the end, her unconscious actions led to many tragedies. The entire royal family died. A lot of stupid things were done.

Was the infatuation with Matilda Kshesinskaya just a small episode in the life of Nicholas II? Malya meant in his life exactly as much as not his first love, but his first woman means in the life of any man. Everything happened out of mutual love, which means the memories remained the brightest, then everyone went their own way, naturally, without sadness about what happened. This connection opened the way for Matilda Kshesinskaya to join high-ranking aristocrats; now she would not agree to anything less and arranged her life perfectly, living until she was 99 years old. She married Andrei Vladimirovich Romanov, the grandson of Alexander II. By the way, her husband was 7 years younger and was dearly loved by her, but she never forgot her first love. Throughout her adult life, Matilda Kshesinskaya was a coquette, she charmed, played with men, and drove many crazy. There will always be such women, some condemn them, others admire them, others lose their heads as soon as they approach them.

In this photo you see the only son of Matilda Kshesinskaya and Grand Duke Andrei Vladimirovich Romanov. This elegant guy's name is Vladimir. He never married and left no offspring.

In this photo little Vova with his mother.

In this photo, Matilda Kshesinskaya is on the left, elder sister Yulia is in the middle, brother Joseph is on the right.

In this photo, one of Matilda Kshesinskaya’s lovers is Grand Duke Sergei Mikhailovich Romanov.

In this photo, Tsar Nicholas II with his wife Alexandra Feodorovna.

Take a look at this photo, this is what Matilda Kshesinskaya looked like in old age.

In this photo, Matilda Kshesinskaya with her husband Andrei and son Vova.

In 1920, 48-year-old Matilda Kshesinskaya emigrated to France with her eighteen-year-old son Vova and 41-year-old beloved Prince Andrei Vladimirovich, Vova’s father. At 57, Matilda Kshesinskaya opened her own ballet studio in Paris.

Kshesinskaya's husband is Grand Duke Andrei.

“I spent the best evening with her - the pen is shaking in my hands!”

Nicholas II and Matilda Kshesinskaya: for more than a hundred years, their relationship has haunted historians, politicians, writers, idle gossips, zealots of morality... In the State Archive of the Russian Federation, we got acquainted with the diaries of Nikolai Romanov, which he kept in 1890-1894 (the main Some of these records were known only to a narrow circle of specialists). The diaries shed light on the height of the ballerina's romance with the Tsarevich.

This spring, MK published previously unpublished diaries of Matilda Kshesinskaya herself. The miraculously preserved notebooks end in January 1893 - and at the most intriguing moment. The ballerina had an “extremely difficult conversation” with Nikolai: Matilda insisted that it was time for them to finally experience the “bliss of love.”

The heir to the throne, as Kshesinskaya describes, replied: “It’s time!”, and promised that everything would happen soon.

From Matilda’s last entry dated January 23, 1893, it follows that Nikolai did not visit her after this conversation; the ballerina continued to wait for his visit.

THE INTIMATE DIARIES OF MATILDA KSHESINSKAYA - in our

But the object of her passion also kept a diary, maybe there are some convincing facts there? What did the future Nicholas II himself write about during this period? And what is his overall “version” of the affair with Kshesinskaya?

Until now, articles and books have quoted only isolated fragments from the early diaries of Nikolai Romanov, including those for 1890 - the first half of 1894. The MK correspondent had to sit down for several weeks in the State Archives of the Russian Federation and study the notebooks stored there, filled out by the hand of the future Russian emperor.

And we found an entry in the diary of the heir to the throne from exactly the same January 23rd, on which Matilda’s surviving diary was interrupted! And most importantly - from January 25, when Nikolai “spent the best evening with her,” after which “the pen was shaking in his hands.”

But before we try to unravel the tangle of Nicholas’s amorous relationship with Matilda with the help of a diary, let’s take a look at other episodes of the Tsarevich’s life that are noteworthy from an everyday point of view.

“I decided to get a dragon tattoo.”

Nothing human was alien to him. In relation to Nikolai Alexandrovich Romanov, the future Russian Emperor and Royal Passion-Bearer, who many years later was canonized as a Saint, such a statement does not at all look like sacrilege.

The “compromising” diary entries made by this man in his youth, in fact, cannot at all belittle the feat of his last period of life - after his renunciation. And even more so, their quoting here should not be regarded as an attempt to denigrate the Orthodox Saint revered by many.

After all, canonical church literature, the Lives of the Saints, and even the Bible contain references to many people who initially led an unrighteous life, but at some point repented of past sins and accomplished a spiritual feat.

So we will be sympathetic to the weaknesses of Tsarevich Nicholas. Including his infatuation with a pretty ballerina. We must not forget that during the period of time that interests us, the future king was a little over 20!

« June 22, 1890. Bivouac at the Tsarskaya Slavyanka... We had a wonderfully fun whole night: we had dinner, played in the hay, ran in the garden, climbed on the roof and told jokes after dinner. The evening and night were perfect.

April 16, 1891. (During a long stop in Nagasaki, Japan - A.D.) After lunch I decided to get a dragon tattoo on my right hand. It took exactly seven hours - from 9 pm to 4 am! It’s enough to go through this kind of pleasure once to discourage yourself from starting again. The dragon came out great, and my hand didn’t hurt at all!

The tattoo is visible on the emperor's right hand.

February 16, Sunday. Wide Maslenitsa. Now after breakfast I went with Ksenia (sister - A.D.) to the ballet “King Candaulus”... We had a very fun dinner at Uncle Alexei’s and finally, having lost Maslenitsa, returned home at 3 am.

February 17. (First day of Lent - A. D.) Fasting began. Thoughts and thoughts have not yet been fully applied to the church direction after Maslenitsa. But it doesn’t matter, I like opposites.”

Judging by the diary entries, only the first six days of Lent were spent by the entire royal family under strict restrictions. On Saturday, on the first week of week, the sovereign with his wife and children received Holy Communion, and after that it was possible to “relax” again - at least for the younger generation - until the beginning of Holy Week.

"28th of February. I’m lucky that I don’t have any consequences from drinking the next day. On the contrary, I feel better and somehow excited!... At 8 o'clock. had lunch. Then I got to the notorious Izmailovsky leisure (feast of officers in the Izmailovsky Guards Regiment - A. D.), stuck in the shelf until 6 am - this has already been going on for two nights in a row - it’s simply unbearable!

March 16. We had dinner... with the ladies. Then I was and even stayed in wine vapors until 6 o’clock. Morning."

Mentions of cheerful “childish” undertakings, even not always characteristic of his age, are, of course, more common in the heir’s notes on ordinary days.

« 14th of April. At 7 o'clock. went to P.A. Cherevin (adjutant general - A.D.). Besides me, Dimka Golitsyn, Volodya Sh., Hesse, Nikita Vsevolozhsky, Kotya Obolensky, Kochubey and Gorbunov dined. They fed us...excellently; Gorbunov's anecdotes were very good. Especially obscene ones...

July 11. Woke up on the sofa near the bathroom. I felt extremely unreliable all day, as if a squadron had spent the night in my mouth... Returning to my room after breakfast, I began to experience the unfortunate consequences of the feast. I slept with Mama (that’s what he called his mother, Empress Maria Feodorovna - A. D.) on the couch, then took a walk and came home to tea, which I didn’t want to drink at all.

21 July. Now it’s been a month since I stopped shaving, and some funny semblance of a beard has grown on my chin. It’s even somehow strange to write about this!

2nd of March. I went with Mitya in the troika on duty to Uncle Pavel (Grand Duke Pavel Alexandrovich - A.D.). We played with balls upstairs, broke two chandeliers and went downstairs to drink tea...

September 17. We rode bicycles and had a great apple fight. A good time for 25 year old boys!”

In fairness, it should be noted, along with all these liberties, even outright boyishness, also the truly devout faith of the future emperor. Almost every Sunday diary entry mentions his attendance at mass in the church. And for the heir to the throne, this was by no means violence against himself, a forced concession to court protocol. We find confirmation of this, for example, in the diary for 1893.

"November 28, Sunday. I really don’t like it when I can’t go to church on Sunday!” (This time the Tsarevich was in Oranienbaum, where another moose hunt was organized. – A. D.).

“I looked from behind the curtain at a women’s gymnastics lesson.”

A separate selection of quotes from the diary is devoted to the “women's issue.” The young Tsarevich did not very often - if we exclude mentions of Matilda Kshesinskaya and Alice of Hesse, his future wife - addressed this piquant topic in his notes. Did women's charms really leave him indifferent? But it is all the more interesting to read those rare mentions of Nicholas about representatives of the fair sex, in which, at least, there is some hint of flirting or, conversely, a categorical unpreparedness for it.

« March 18, 1891. I had a lot of fun (in Saigon, at a ball given by the French admiral Vonar - A.D.) at the cotillion, when he danced with the lovely m-m Banche. I confess that I am completely carried away by her - she is such a sweet, beautiful lady and speaks amazingly well! I danced with her for three hours, and it seemed to me too short a time!.. When we parted, we said goodbye touchingly... It was at 5 ½ o'clock. morning.

April 15, 1891. Finally, at eight o'clock in excellent sunny weather, we saw the high shores of the long-desired Japan... Having passed the island of Panenberg... we saw Nagasaki in the depths of the bay... In the evening there were only 8 people in the wardroom; nevertheless, the midshipmen were in the Russian village of Inasu (a Russian colony that existed in the suburbs of Nagasaki - A.D.), where everyone has already married.

I admit that I would really like to follow the general example, but it’s a shame, since Holy Week has arrived.”

(This refers to the tradition established in those years among Russian naval officers: during long stays in Japan, to “marry” local young beauties. In the Land of the Rising Sun, there was even a term “temporary wife.” This was the name for officially permitted relations between a foreign citizen and a Japanese subject: for the period of the foreigner’s stay in Japan, he received - by paying a certain amount - “for family use” a girl from a low-income family who he liked, whom he was obliged to support in a dignified manner. The terms of such “rent” could vary from a month to several years -. A.D.)

"January 29, 1892. He climbed into Ksenia’s room and from behind the curtain looked at her gymnastics lesson with a pretty young lady.

November 24.(In the Abas-Tuman estate - A.D.) The ladies are still the same: the old widow of Admiral G.M. Butakov, Azbeleva with her sister (muzzle), the wife of the Bulgarian officer Krestev, Kobordo’s daughter and a young Muscovite with a governess - an ass-shaped Swiss.

February 26, 1894. At 3 o’clock the ball began in Anichkovo... I was dissatisfied with the boring female cast.”

“Little Kshesinskaya has become even prettier”

Let us turn to the main thing, for the sake of which the diaries of the Tsarevich were taken from the archival funds. Additional assistance in deciphering and assessing some events can be provided by Kshesinskaya’s diary outpourings - much more detailed. And some moments in the relationship between Nikolai and Matilda are quite convincingly evidenced by the complete absence of mentions of them in the diary.

« March 23, 1890. We went to a performance at the Theater School. There were short plays and ballet - very good. We had dinner with the pupils.”

Very succinctly. And without mentioning the name of Matilda Kshesinskaya. But it is still known for sure that it was on this day that they met. All the details of the communication between the young man and the girl at the ever-memorable dinner were described in detail on two pages by Malechka in her diary. Her heart really skipped a beat at that first meeting. But the Tsarevich seemed to be “breathing evenly” at first. Although he was clearly impressed by the talent of the young ballerina.

The first and very unambiguous mention of Matilda appears - however, this quote has been published more than once.

"July 6. Slept until 5 ½ pm. After lunch we went to the theater. Positively, Kshesinskaya 2 is very interesting to me. (Two Kshesinsky sisters danced in the ballet troupe. The eldest, Yulia, was called Kshesinskaya 1st in the posters, and the younger, Matilda, Kshesinskaya 2nd. - A.D.)

July 31st. After a snack I went to the lovely Krasnoselsky theater for the last time. I said goodbye to Kshesinskaya.

August 1. At 12 noon the standards were consecrated. Standing in the ranks of the division at the Krasnoselsky Theater teased me with its memories!”

This is about fleeting meetings in the theater backstage with Matilda! So, have you already been “captured” by a pretty ballerina? However, subsequent events did not contribute to the development of this hobby: the Tsarevich left for the regiment for military maneuvers near Narva. At such a long distance, Kshesinskaya’s charm, it seems, had not yet worked. But the Tsarevich’s thoughts turned to another representative of the fair sex, in whom his interest awoke much earlier - Alice of Hesse, the future empress.

« August 20. God! How I want to go to Ilyinskoye! Now Victoria and Alix (Princess Alice of Hesse - A.D.). Otherwise, if I don’t see her now, I’ll have to wait a whole year, and that’s hard!!!”

Then there was almost a month of the Tsarevich’s stay with his parents at the royal hunting residence of Spala on the territory of Poland. And only at the end of September he returned to his native land. Some time after this, the name of the charming ballet diva flashed in the records again.

« 17 October. At 7 o'clock we drove from Ropsha to St. Petersburg to say goodbye to ballet! The wonderful “Sleeping Beauty” was on. I saw Kshesinskaya 2nd.”

Ahead of him lay a long separation from his family, from the St. Petersburg theaters, and from the girl he liked. Alexander III sent his eldest son on a trip to the Far East. The crown prince returned to the Russian capital only in August 1892.

« August 4, 1892. For the first time I was at the Krasnoselsky Theater. The play was boring, but the ballet was lively. I saw little Kshesinskaya, who became even prettier.”

Matilda Kshesinskaya in a ballet role.

Then again there followed a long interval of time without any mention of this young lady in the diary. The Tsarevich was faced with a new parting with the capital's regions. Together with his parents, he went to Denmark to visit his maternal relatives. And after that, Alexander III and his loved ones moved to Crimea for a traditional vacation. Only closer to mid-November the royal family settled in Gatchina again. But in Nikolai’s diary entries over the following days there is no mention of meetings with Kshesinskaya, or at least that he dreams of such meetings. But in the notebook there is a mention of a completely different cherished desire.

"21 December. In the evening at Mom's... we talked about the lives of today's young people from society. This conversation touched the most living string of my soul, touched that dream, that hope with which I live every day. A year and a half has already passed since I talked about this with Papa in Peterhof, and since then nothing has changed, neither in a bad nor in a good sense! – My dream is to someday marry Alix G. I have loved her for a long time, but even deeper and stronger since 1889, when she spent 6 weeks in St. Petersburg in winter. I resisted my feeling for a long time, trying to deceive myself with the impossibility of realizing my cherished dream!.. The only obstacle or gap between her and me is the question of religion!.. I’m almost convinced that our feelings are mutual!”

However, in the absence of any direct contacts with Alice, after some time the heir again returned to interest in the “ballet charmer.”

« February 15, 1892 Today I was overcome by theatrical fever, which happens every Maslenitsa. After a small reception I went to the Mariinsky Theater to see my favorite “Sleeping Beauty”... I talked a little on stage with K.

28th of February. I went for a ride with Ksenia in a stroller and met someone on the embankment.”

Behind this impersonal mention in the context of previous entries, Matilda Kshesinskaya is clearly visible. Moreover, in her diary she repeatedly described how she specially rode in a carriage along the central streets of St. Petersburg in order to “accidentally” meet the Tsarevich.

« 10th of March. At 8 o'clock. went to the Theater School, where I saw a good performance of drama classes and ballet. At dinner I sat with the pupils as before, only little Kshesinskaya is sorely missing.”

“My poor Little One had a sore eye.”

The most important event in the “heartfelt” story of Nikolai and Matilda happened the next day. It marked the beginning of a much more trusting relationship between the Tsarevich and the ballerina.

« March 11, 1892. I spent the evening in a wonderful way: I went to a new place for me, to the Kshesinsky sisters. They were terribly surprised to see me there. I sat with them for more than 2 hours, chatting about everything incessantly. Unfortunately, my poor Little one had a pain in her eye, which was bandaged, and besides, her leg was not entirely healthy. But there was great mutual joy! After drinking tea, I said goodbye to them and arrived home at one in the morning. The three of us had a great time spending the last day of my stay in St. Petersburg with such faces!

March 19. I went for a ride. On Morskaya I met K.... I walked in the garden and drank tea alone!”

From the first days of their close acquaintance, a correspondence began between Nikolai and Matilda. Judging by Kshesinskaya’s diary notes, they sometimes wrote letters to each other almost every day. However, in the Tsarevich’s diary, mention of the epistolary side of their relationship with Malechka occurs only once.

"20th of March. The weather was bad and the mood was not good. I didn’t receive the letter and that’s why I was bored! But what can you do, not every day is a holiday!”

But the future emperor very punctually takes notes on every, even fleeting, meeting with his crush.

« 21 March. I went to the Maly Theater to Uncle Alexei's box. They were performing an interesting play “Thermidor”... The Kshesinskys were sitting in the theater right opposite!

March 22. After breakfast at 1 ¼ I immediately went for a ride into the city... I saw the Kshesinskys again. They were in the playpen and then stood still on the Karavannaya.

March 23. I went to St. Petersburg for 4 days!.. At 11 o’clock. evening went to my friends Kshesinsky. Spent time with them fun and at home. The older one was playing the piano, and I was chatting with the younger one! Beautiful evening!

March 24. After lunch I went to visit the Kshesinskys, where I spent a pleasant hour and a half..."

Apparently, the charm of the pretty ballerina played a role, and the Tsarevich became seriously interested in her. However, his feelings for Alice did not leave him.

« April 1st. A very strange phenomenon that I notice in myself: I never thought that two identical feelings, two loves are simultaneously compatible in the soul. Now it’s been four years that I love Alix G. and I constantly cherish the thought, God willing, of marrying her someday!.. And from the camp of 1890 to this time I have passionately fallen in love (platonically) with little K. An amazing thing our heart! At the same time, I can’t stop thinking about Alix G. Really, can we conclude after this that I’m very amorous? To a certain extent, yes. But I must add that inside I am a strict judge and extremely picky!

Nikolai's diary.

An interesting fact: at first, after his first visit to the Kshesinsky house, Nikolai uses very gentle addresses in his notes - Malenka, Malechka. And from the diaries of the ballerina herself it is known that during that visit of the Tsarevich on March 11, they agreed to call each other confidentially: Niki and Malya. However, in the future, the heir to the throne himself avoided such familiarity - at least on the pages of the diary. Either initials or surname appear there.

« 14th of April. At about 11 ½ I went to M. Kshesinskaya. She was alone again. We spent time chatting and reading “The Petersburg Action.”

« April 16. I rode along different streets and met the Kshesinskys... We arrived with Sandro and Sergei (Grand Dukes Alexander and Sergei Mikhailovich - A.D.) to the theatre. They gave "The Queen of Spades"! I enjoyed sitting through this opera. M. danced in the shepherdess. Then I went to see her, unfortunately, only for a short time. Our conversations are fun and lively! I enjoy these dates.

20 April. I went to St. Petersburg... I rode in a carriage for a long time and met the Kshesinskys 4 times. I drive by, bow importantly and try not to laugh! At 7 o'clock. had lunch at Sandro's and together at 9 o'clock. we went to the court musical choir... There was a French operetta... I left only at 12 ½ straight to M.K. I stayed for a very long time and had an extremely good time. There was even a little treat! I was extremely happy when I learned from M. something that interested me very much! It's time! I'm on my way!"

The final part of the diary entry looks intriguing. What is “time”? – One could assume Nikolai’s determination to take some active steps to further develop this love story and take the relationship with the girl he liked to a more “serious” level. However, neither in Matilda’s diaries, nor in the diaries of Nicholas himself in the following days, weeks, months, is there a hint of such revolutionary changes. Although their meetings occurred frequently, sometimes the Tsarevich stayed (but he stayed!) with his beloved until the morning.

« April 21. We went to the new opera “Prince Silver”... From the theater I went to M. Kshesinskaya, where I again spent a nice evening. This is how it got promoted – for the second day in a row. Sandro also appeared there for an hour. They danced to his music!

April 29. At 10 o'clock I went from Gatchino to St. Petersburg and from the station straight to the Kshesinskys. It was the last evening (the Tsarevich had to leave for a military field camp - A.D.), but also the best. The older sister returned from the opera and went to bed, leaving M. and me alone. We talked about a lot of things to our liking!

April 30. We parted at about 5 o'clock. morning, when the sun had already risen high. It is done conscientiously, passing by policemen. (As Matilda Kshesinskaya wrote in her diary, there were cases when the Tsarevich even gave money to law enforcement officers on duty on the street so that they “wouldn’t recognize him.” A. D.)

“May 3. In the military camp in Kaporsky, I walked around in a sad mood all day. Real melancholy is gnawing at me!”

The Tsarevich sailed with his parents to Denmark. The royal family stayed abroad until the end of May, and soon after returning to Russia, without staying in St. Petersburg, the crown prince went to a camp on the Military Field near Mikhailovka.

The “abroad”, rich in events and meetings, and then the everyday life of the army, so dear to his heart, quickly overshadowed in Nikolai’s head the seductive memories of his dates with Matilda. Not even a hint of it in his notes for this period - more than two months! – does not occur.

“The kidnapping was carried out quickly and secretly!”

The next stage of the “love series” began in July 1892.

"July 23. After the rehearsal with the battery of the ceremonial march on the Military Field, I went to gallop to Krasny and casually dropped into the theater for the rehearsal. I spent a very pleasant hour with M. Kshesinskaya, who positively turned my head!

July 27. At 2 ½ pm I went to Krasnoye for a rehearsal, which dragged on. I returned to Mikhailovka by lunchtime, after which I went with Sergei to the theater. After the performance, he moved to another troika without bells, returned to the theater and, taking M.K. with him, took him first for a ride and, finally, to a large military camp. The five of us had a great dinner. The kidnapping was carried out quickly and secretly! Felt very happy! We parted ways at six o'clock in the morning, the sun was shining high...

July 28th. I didn’t have to sleep much, so what! But the reason is too good and such a vigil is not even enough for it... After breakfast I sat in my room and kept remembering last night...

5th of August. Having seen Papa and Mama after visiting my home in Mikhailovka to the intersection of the road with the Ropshinskoe highway, I rode on horseback to Krasnoe for the last time for a rehearsal at the theater. I talked with M.K., consoled her before separation, but, it seems, to no avail, the melancholy began to be strong!.. At 8 o'clock. went to the last performance of the Krasnoselsky theater... In the evening I took M.K. for a ride in a troika and said goodbye to her well.”

This time the Tsarevich was absent until mid-December. He again participated in military maneuvers (now near Ivangorod). He spent almost the entire September with his parents in the royal hunting residences in Poland. Then there was a trip to Austria, Greece, and finally long stay in Abas-Tuman - visiting his brother.

In the records for this period, there are no signs of the Tsarevich’s regret about the meeting with Matilda, which was delayed for almost another month. So, Nikolai has once again “cooled off”, finding himself far from the pretty St. Petersburg ballerina? Although, judging by Kshesinskaya’s diaries, correspondence between them was not interrupted during these months.

Having finally returned to the capital, the heir to the throne is in no hurry to resume dating. Judging by the records, he saw Matilda in January.

« January 3. Although I was an officer on duty, Dad let me go to the theater. There was a mixture of different ballets, but nevertheless it was successful. Finally M.K. danced, and I was very pleased with her!

4 January. After sitting with Sandro, I went to see M.K. for an hour. I found Yu. too, it was nice!”

That very evening

The moment has come for the lovers to make a decisive explanation. The heir's diary entry about the events of that day related to Kshesinskaya is very laconic.

« January 8. At 6 ½ pm I went to the Preobrazhensky Regiment for a monthly dinner. Had a great time. I visited M.K. and stayed with her for a long time. We had a serious conversation with each other."

But Matilda described the vicissitudes of a “serious conversation” in every detail - she insisted on intimacy, Nikolai seemed to give up, saying the notorious “It’s time” and promising that everything would happen in a week.

What was happening to Nikolai these days, was he somehow preparing for such an exciting “event”, was he thinking about it, looking forward to it?

« January 9. We went ice skating... We had family dinner, after which we went to the French theater. They gave a funny play... Finally went to bed early.

January 10. In the evening there was a conversation with the three of Dad and Mom. I’m allowed to start finding out about Alix when I’m in Berlin.”

Very interesting. That is, “amorous affairs” with Matilda did not captivate him even during this period? And on the eve of his closest relationship with the charming ballerina, the heir to the throne continued to think about the German princess, leaving no hope of achieving success with Alice of Hesse?

The next day, the Tsarevich actually went to Berlin to attend the wedding of Kaiser Wilhelm's younger sister. Nikolai’s “representative” visit lasted a week, but during this time his “Hessian dream” was mentioned only once in the diary, and even then laconically, without emotion.

It is clear that His Highness’s “approaches” regarding the possibility of a future marriage to a German beauty did not yield any results. Someone else in his place in a similar situation, you see, would have decided to quickly “fill the vacuum.” Now is the time to fulfill your promise to Malechka! However, the Tsarevich was clearly in no hurry to do this. A day, two, three passed after his return to St. Petersburg, but no meetings between the heir to the throne and the ballerina happened. Moreover, Nikolai was the culprit for this. It seems that he deliberately avoided a visit to the house of the Kshesinsky sisters, finding reasons to replace the “decisive” meeting with Malechka with something else.

In the diaries - playing billiards, gatherings with guards officers, dancing... - this is wonderful, however, if a young man is truly passionate about a girl and knows that she is really waiting for him... And not just really waiting! Yes, here you will give up all other entertainment and rush off to a date! However, Nikolai found time only on the sixth day of his stay in St. Petersburg. Exactly on the day on which Kshesinskaya’s diary ends - “I hoped that he would come to me, and so I hurried home!

And he went.

« January 23. After tea I read. At 7 o'clock. There was lunch at Uncle Alexei's. Then everyone went to the Mikhailovsky Theater... Finally I managed to go to M.K.... I spent a very pleasant time with her.”

Judging by this completely standard wording, the date was the same as before: no “exclusive”. And the next day was again busy with His Highness’s participation in high society life.

“January 24. At 10 o'clock the first Concert Ball began in the Winter Palace. It was lively. I danced the mazurka and dined with the eldest princess Gorchakova - very reminiscent of M.K.”

Malechka would probably be delighted to read this remark: it means that her position in the heart of the Tsarevich is preserved! And the next day the persistent young lady could celebrate a big victory. This is perhaps the main quote about the romance between Nikolai and Matilda.

« January 25, Monday. In the evening I flew to my M.K. and spent the best evening with her so far. Being impressed by her, the pen is shaking in my hands!”

There are no specific formulations in this rather clumsy (due to excess emotions?) entry from Nikolai. Let everyone who reads it draw conclusions “to the extent of their own depravity.” Although... Can anyone explain what could have happened between two lovers such that the young man’s hands are shaking with excitement even half a day later? Hugged and kissed? So they (judging by Kshesinskaya’s diaries) had “sinned” like this long before. Means...

"Gichiri-pichiri was happening"

Starting from the significant day of January 25, 1893, “delightful” meetings between the Tsarevich and the ballerina became regular. Their number can even be counted if desired, since Nikolai meticulously recorded each of their rendezvous in his diary.

« January 27. At 12 o’clock in the evening I went to see M.K., with whom I stayed until 4 o’clock. We had a good chat, laughed, and tinkered.”

Let this last word, however, not lead into excessive temptation for supporters of the “maximum” relationship between Nicholas and Matilda. Indeed, in the diaries of the heir to the throne, such a verb is used in different interpretations. “We were fiddling around on our walk, jumping and getting stuck in places where the snow was deeper.” “There was a lot of fiddling around in the ballroom of the Winter Palace.” “I was fiddling around at home with checking the officers’ tasks...”

« January 29. After lunch we went to the Mariinsky Theater to see “Mlada” - an opera-ballet... From the theater I went only for an hour, unfortunately, to see M.K.

January 30. Let's go to the French theater... Returning home, I stopped by the 1st battalion, examined the sleeping soldiers and went to M.K. Spent a wonderful 3 hours with her!

January 31. Got up late, but in great spirits... Had a snack at home at 7 ½ o'clock. Just at this time “Sleeping Beauty” began, and my thoughts were there, since the main character was M.K.!

1st of February. At 10 ¼ pm I went... to a ball in the Marine Corps... I left at one o'clock and went to M.K. The conversation with her was heated, but everything ended for the better.

February 3rd. After the snack, I went with Aunt Marie to a funny play... Having brought her home, I went to M.K. and from there in a troika of four (also Yulia Kshesinskaya and Baron Alexander Zeddeler, her future husband– A.D.) let’s go for a ride to the islands. It was extremely nice... We arrived at Zeddeler's, where we had a great dinner. We returned to them in pairs (Kshesinsky – A.D.) to the apartment, where I stayed until 6 o'clock. morning.

February 6. Left at 12 o'clock. to Uncle Alexei, had a good dinner with him and then visited my M.K., where he stayed until 6 o’clock. morning."

The days of fasting have begun. His Highness had to keep himself “strict” at least for a while. And this, in the midst of a love relationship with Matilda, was not easy. However, as mentioned above, young Nikolai observed real fasting only in the first and last week. At the end of winter and beginning of spring, the heir visits Kshesinskaya almost every day.

We were especially interested in the mysterious expression “gichiri-pichiri” in the crown prince’s description of further events.

« February 8. Great Lent!.. Now we need to lead a moderate life - go to bed and get up early!.. Fasting has begun. What was running through my head was not waltzes and quadrilles, as had happened before after the season, but more music from “Sleeping.”

February 13, Saturday. At mass I received Holy Communion... In the evening we finished the fast at the all-night vigil.

The 14th of February. At 7 ½ there was a family dinner, after which I went to the French theater. Spent most of the evening at M.K.

18th of Febuary. I drank tea upstairs at Mama’s and then went for two hours to M.K. – the last time I was in their old apartment. (The sisters moved to this rented housing from their father’s house on Malechka’s initiative back in 1892: anticipating future regular meetings with the Tsarevich, she made sure to “fly away” from under parental care. In the winter of 1893, Malya and Yulia moved to a more spacious and comfortable “ nest." A.D.)

February 20th. I didn’t go to the theater, but I went to M.K. and the four of us had a great time (with Julia and A. Zeddeler - A.D.) had a housewarming dinner. They moved to a new home, a cozy mansion house on two floors... It is very nice to have a separate household and be independent. We sat again until 4 o'clock.

February 23. After homemade tea, I went to the regiment for a general lunch... From there I went to M.K. The five of us had dinner with Preobrazhenskaya. Then gichiri-pichiri (??? – A.D.). At night, returning home, I wandered for a long time on foot due to the lack of a cab.

25 February. I drank tea at home and went to M.K., where I had dinner as usual and had a great time.

March, 3rd. He left for home at 12 ½ at night and, having changed clothes, went to M.K. He stayed until the morning.

5th of March. After tea I went to M.K. We had a wonderful dinner together. I arrived home at 5 am.

March 8. At 12½ I went to M.K.’s for dinner; were Preobrazhensky. We played makashka (in Macau - A.D.), had fun.

9th of March. Returning from German theater home, went to M.K. We had a great dinner with quite a large group. I arrived home at 4 ¼ o'clock."

Meanwhile, the date arrived in this love story: exactly a year has passed since that significant evening when the Tsarevich came to the Kshesinskys’ house for the first time and their rapprochement with Malechka began.

"11th of March. In the evening I went to M.K. We had a great dinner and everyone was in very good spirits. I stopped by Zeddeler's, chatted and had a drink. This is how I celebrated the first anniversary of this day.

March 14th. After dinner, I took Ksenia to the Vorontsovs, with whom we spent the entire evening. Returning home, he went to M.K. The three of us had dinner, since A. had gone to the line (to his regiment stationed in Malaya Vishera - A.D.). Had a perfect night!

March 16. I went to M.K. for the last time. The four of us had dinner with Preobrazhenskaya. It was very sad to leave after two months of just dating.”

Cooling

The heir to the throne had to travel a lot on business trips: this was required by army service, and more often by parental will. In mid-March 1893, together with Papa and Mama, Nikolai set off from St. Petersburg to Crimea. He really didn’t want to part with Matilda in the midst of their love.

« 18th of March. (In a train carriage on the way to Sevastopol. – A.D.) In the evenings I especially think about someone!”

However, even at such a “peak” of relations, the heir to the throne, finding himself far from the object of his desires, quickly calmed down. His heartfelt impulses subsided literally in a matter of days, and further there are no hints of “passion for Matilda”, of the desire to quickly return to St. Petersburg and see her in his diaries. However, Nikolai writes that he would like to be in the capital, but he indicates a completely different reason.

« April 6. I asked Dad about the date of my return to St. Petersburg. He said that I should stay here, since now our family very rarely gets together. And I’m very sorry, I really wanted to see the regiment again!”

I missed my fellow officers, friendly conversations and feasts, drill exercises, but not at all the affection of women. And this applies not only to Malechka. Between the lines of the diary, the same absence of male emotions can be read in relation to another girl who seemed to be very interested in him - Alice of Hesse. Her name has not been mentioned even once in Nikolai’s notes in all these months. Have you lost interest in the German princess? Or did he consider that the obstacles to marriage with her were too great?

A. P. Sokolov. Portrait of Empress Alexandra Feodorovna (1897).

Perhaps the attitude of the young heir to the throne, even towards the women he cares about, can be likened to the interaction of a sheet of paper and a match: when the flame is at a distance, it does not affect the sheet in any way, and only when they come closer does the fire spread to the paper, and it flares up. While he and Matilda were separated by two thousand miles, the Tsarevich remained completely indifferent to love affairs. But as soon as he returned to St. Petersburg, the meeting took place the very next day.

There are no details or emotions in the recording. However, it seems that the “flame” did not “burn out” very much this time. In any case, over the next few weeks, no mention of new meetings with Kshesinskaya could be found in the diary. And on the eve of his next “absence” from the capital (he was scheduled to visit England), Nikolai writes that he doesn’t really want to leave because “it’s hard to leave the regiment and your battalion just at the most active time in the camp.” Again, army interests and no “heartfelt” reasons!

This foreign voyage lasted more than two weeks. After him, there was no “renaissance” in the relationship between Matilda and Nikolai. That is, the friendship between these two young people still existed, but it was very moderate. They met, but fleetingly, briefly. There was no longer any talk of any dates that lasted until dawn.

This is precisely the conclusion that arises when you read the diary of the heir to the throne for this period. Apparently, it was Nikolai who initiated this “calm down”.

Against the backdrop of an obvious cooling towards Kshesinskaya, Nikolai was quite happy with a cheerful bachelor life in a military camp. However, this freedom came to an end. Very soon the imperial family once again went to visit their relatives in Denmark. These Danish “vacations” lasted almost two months,

The St. Petersburg autumn of 1893, and then the winter, passed for His Highness in virtually complete detachment from Kshesinskaya, who had once so enchanted him. The Tsarevich no longer maintained personal contacts with her, although he himself admitted in his notes that he lacked human friendly communication.

What caused the cooling? From the memoirs of contemporaries we know that rumors about the affair between Kshesinskaya and Nikolai were widely discussed in high society. The heir to the throne was watched by the police “for security reasons” - his trips to Kshesinskaya were also known from these sources. In general, the matter was becoming too resonant.

But the main thing is that the Tsarevich did not leave thoughts about Alice of Hesse. However, he unexpectedly paid attention to another ballerina.

« November 17. I dined at Uncle Misha's and went to the wonderful Sleeping Beauty. Danced by M. Kshesinskaya. From the theater straight to Gatchino, where I arrived at 12 ½”.

Having received purely aesthetic pleasure from the ballet, Nikolai did not even linger in the theater, not to mention stopping by, as happened before, to visit Malechka. Instead, go home and sleep.

Surely Kshesinskaya was very worried about her obvious defeat in her relationship with Nikolai. And then a dangerous competitor appeared on the stage, threatening to intercept the attention of the avid theatergoer - the Tsarevich. Indeed, in his diaries there appeared enthusiastic references to the new ballet performance of the Mariinsky Theater.

« December 4. At 2 o'clock I went to the dress rehearsal of the new ballet "Cendrillon". The new Italian Pierina Legnani danced marvelously.

January 9, 1894 We hurried to the ballet. There was a revival of “Katarina” with Legnani, who danced marvelously. I've never seen anything like it!

January 23. After a snack I went to the ballet. “Cinderella” was playing again. I went to the stage and met Legnani.

January 26. At 8 o'clock. I went with Mama, Ksenia and Sandro to the theater. There was a benefit performance by Legnani in the wonderful “Coppelia”. I gave her and my uncles a brooch.”

Pierina Legnani.

Matilda, at the end of 1893, nevertheless tried to launch a “counter-offensive” and regain at least part of her position in the heart of the Tsarevich. In the last weeks of December, her name suddenly appeared in Nikolai’s diary entries. And it didn’t just flash, he mentions several long, all-night “binges” in the Kshesinsky mansion. True, a large crowd gathered for these feasts, and, apparently, His Highness did not have any privacy with his former beloved.

« December 10. 1893 At 5 o'clock I went from Gatchino to St. Petersburg... Had dinner at M.K.'s in a cheerful company. We played baccarat until the morning and lost.

That December evening in the house of the Kshesinsky sisters, about which Nikolai does not provide any details, seemed to be the last real date in the “love story” of the crown prince and the ballerina. Further in the diaries of the heir to the throne, the name Matilda appears only a few times, and only then in connection with her participation in ballet performances that he attended.

“I was hoping to stop being a bachelor”

So, apparently, feelings for the “magnificent” Matilda have completely disappeared from the heart of the heir to the throne.

As for the future Russian empress, in November 1893, Nicholas received a message from the object of his affections, which seemed to finally put an end to all matrimonial plans.

« November 18th. In the morning I opened the package that had been lying on the table since last night, and from Alix’s letter from Darmstadt I learned that everything was over between us - a change of religion is impossible for her, and before this inexorable obstacle all my hope, best dreams and most cherished desires for the future collapse . Until recently it seemed bright and tempting to me and even soon achievable, but now it seems indifferent!!! It is terribly difficult to appear calm and cheerful when in this way the question regarding the entire future life is immediately resolved!

31th of December. We celebrated the New Year at Mom's... I must say in conclusion that it, that is, 1893, thank God, passed safely, but that I personally hoped to no longer be a bachelor. But God Almighty alone is free in everything!”

This entry contains the main possible explanation for the metamorphoses that occurred in the relationship between Kshesinskaya and Nikolai in the second half of the year. Probably, the Tsarevich still seriously counted on the success of his matchmaking with Alice, and therefore - in order to be clear in front of his future wife - he decided to nullify private communication with the ballerina. Another question, which is now unlikely to be answered, is what was more in such a decision: a strong-willed effort on oneself or a loss of elementary male interest in Matilda?

Nicholas and Alice of Hesse.

The story of the engagement of Nicholas and Alice of Hesse is widely known. It seems that after her refusal, sent in November, Nikolai should have started looking for another candidate for his wife, but he did not want to give up. The opportunity to somehow influence the situation in personal communication with the princess appeared in the spring of 1894. Nikolai Alexandrovich was sent by his parents as a representative of the Russian Imperial family to the next “royal” wedding in Germany.

"5th of April. Coburg. God, what a day it is today! After coffee around 10 o'clock. came to Aunt Ella's room Erni (Alice's brother Duke Ernst-Ludwig of Hesse - A.D.) and Alix. She looked remarkably prettier, but looked extremely sad. We were left alone, and then that conversation began between us, which I had long sincerely desired and at the same time was very afraid of. They talked until 12 o'clock, but to no avail. She is still opposed to changing religion. She, poor thing, cried a lot... My soul is tired today.”

However, after this, the “heavy artillery” joined the matchmaking business - Queen Victoria of England, Alice’s grandmother, and her cousin, German Emperor William II, who came to Coburg for the wedding celebration. Thanks to common efforts, all obstacles were finally removed. On April 8, the engagement took place.

Overcome by the fever of love, the heir to the throne even seemed to have forgotten about his passion for the theater: in his diaries there are no entries about attending performances. And even more so, Nikolai removed from himself all reminders of Kshesinskaya’s former passion.

And Matilda herself, knowing full well that it was impossible to return the crown prince’s feelings and prevent his marriage to Alice of Hesse, found the strength to cope with despair and find new support in her personal life. This strong-willed woman soon managed to find a replacement for Nikolai - also from the Romanov family. And she was now bored with people not of “royal” blood.

« December 15. In the noble assembly there is an annual big masquerade in favor of the Humane Society. I was the subject of everyone's attention and, despite all this, I was not having fun, no one was interested in me. If there were still Mikhailovichs (Grand Dukes Sergei and Alexander - A.D.), I would have more fun. Previously, even a year ago, I would have been very pleased with this ball, but now I have become more demanding, I cannot have fun where there are only mere mortals.”

Grand Duke Sergei Mikhailovich.

Just one of the Grand Dukes mentioned in this entry - Sergei Mikhailovich Romanov, the Tsarevich's uncle - became the “comforter” of the charming ballerina...

Judging by the meager mentions of events in the diary entries of the heir to the throne himself, he had a serious relationship with Kshesinskaya only for less than four months in the winter-spring of 1893.

Matilda Kshesinskaya is an outstanding ballerina, whose unique style is due to the impeccability of the Italian and lyricism of the Russian ballet schools. Her name is still associated today with an entire era, a great time for Russian ballet. This unique woman lived a very long and eventful life, only a few months shy of reaching her centenary.

Matilda Kshesinskaya was born on August 31, 1872 in St. Petersburg in the family of ballet dancer Felix Kshesinsky, whom Nicholas I himself invited from Poland in 1851. Her mother, Yulia Deminskaya, was a soloist in the corps de ballet. Matilda's grandfather Jan was a famous violinist and opera singer - he performed at the Warsaw Opera. The ballerina herself studied at the Imperial Theater School in St. Petersburg, and successfully graduated as an external student on March 23, 1890. On this day, Alexander III traditionally sat in the examination commission, accompanied by his son and heir to the throne, Nicholas II. The seventeen-year-old ballerina performed remarkably well, and the emperor himself predicted that she would soon become the adornment and pride of the Russian ballet.

Immediately after college, Matilda was invited to the Mariinsky Theater. Her older sister Yulia already worked there, so Matilda for a long time called "Kshesinskaya second". The young ballerina was distinguished by her incredible ability to work: she could practice for hours at the barre, overcoming the pain in her legs.

In 1898, the girl began taking lessons from the outstanding Italian dancer Enrico Cecchetti, and after 6 years the ballerina became a prima ballerina. Her repertoire included Odette, Paquita, Esmeralda, Aurora and Princess Aspiccia. Russian and foreign critics noted her impeccable technique and “ideal lightness.”

Matilda Kshesinskaya is the first Russian ballerina to successfully perform 32 fouettés in a row. Before her, only the Italian Pierina Legnani succeeded in this, the rivalry with whom continued for many years.

Revolution and move of Kshesinskaya

After the revolution of 1917, the Kshesinskaya mansion was occupied by the Bolsheviks, and Matilda and her son were forced to leave Russia. In Paris, Kshesinskaya opened her own ballet school. Meanwhile, the family of Nicholas II was shot.

In 1921, Matilda Kshesinskaya married Andrei Vladimirovich. The couple lived together for the rest of their lives.

Her husband died in 1956, and her son died in 1974. Matilda wrote memoirs - they were published in 1960. The great ballerina died in 1971. She was buried in the suburbs of Paris at the Sainte-Genevieve-des-Bois cemetery.

Matilda Kshesinskaya and Nicholas II, brief facts about their relationship.

The relationship between the ballerina and the Tsarevich, who was 22 years old at the time, began immediately after the final exam at a dinner party. The heir to the throne became seriously interested in the aerial ballerina. Empress Maria Feodorovna reacted with approval to her son’s hobby, since she was seriously worried that before meeting Matilda, her son did not show interest in the fair sex.

For a long time, lovers were content with casual meetings. Matilda looked out the window for a long time before each performance, hoping to see her lover ascending the steps, and when she noticed his presence, she danced with even more enthusiasm.

In the spring of 1891, after a long trip to Japan, the heir first went to Matilda.

In January 1892, their candy-bouquet period ended and the relationship moved into the next phase - Nicholas II began to stay overnight in the ballerina’s apartment. Soon the Tsarevich gave the ballerina a mansion. Their relationship lasted two years, but the young emperor understood that he would have to enter into an “equal marriage” and part with the beautiful ballerina.

Before his marriage, the Tsarevich instructed his cousin, Prince Sergei Mikhailovich, who was at that time the president of the Russian Theater Society, to take care of Matilda. At that time, the young emperor still had feelings for his former lover. In 1890, he presented a beautiful diamond brooch with a sapphire and two large diamonds to a reception in honor of her benefit performance.

According to rumors, Kshesinskaya became the prima of the Mariinsky in 1886 thanks to the patronage of Nicholas II.

The break in the romance between Nicholas II and Kshesinskaya

The prima ballerina's romance with the emperor lasted until 1894 and ended after Nicholas' engagement to Princess Alice of Darmstadt, granddaughter of Queen Victoria.

Matilda was very worried about the breakup, but did not condemn Nicholas II, because she understood that the crowned lady would not be able to connect her life with the ballerina. Matilda was ready for such an outcome - she restrainedly said goodbye to Nicholas, bearing herself with the dignity of a queen, but not with the melancholy of an abandoned lover.

The relationship was completely broken off, but Matilda continued to soar over the stage with enthusiasm, especially when she saw her former crowned lover in the royal box. Nicholas II, having put on the crown, was completely immersed in state concerns and in the whirlpool of family life with the former princess Alice of Hesse-Darmstadt.

After her ten-year benefit performance, Matilda was introduced to another cousin of the emperor, Prince Andrei Vladimirovich. While staring at the beauty, the prince accidentally knocked a glass of wine onto her chic French dress. But Matilda decided that this was a lucky sign. And indeed, this romance soon ended in marriage, and in 1902 the ballerina gave birth to a son, Vladimir.

In 1890, 18-year-old Matilda Kshesinskaya, a still unknown but promising girl, graduated from the Imperial Theater School. According to custom, after the graduation performance, Matilda and other graduates are presented to the crowned family. Alexander III showed particular favor towards the young talent, enthusiastically watching the dancer’s pirouettes and arabesques. True, Matilda was a visiting student of the school, and such people were not supposed to attend the festive banquet with members of the royal family. However, Alexander, who noticed the absence of the fragile dark-haired girl, ordered her to be immediately brought into the hall, where he uttered the fateful words: “Mademoiselle! Be the decoration and glory of our ballet!”

At the table, Matilda was seated next to Tsarevich Nicholas, who, despite his position and young age (he was then 22 years old), had not been seen by that time in any amorous story where he could demonstrate his ardor and temperament. Fervor and temperament - no, but devotion and tenderness - very much so.

Dreams of marriage

In January 1889, at the invitation of Grand Duke Sergei Alexandrovich, Princess Alice of Hesse-Darmstadt, granddaughter of the English Queen Victoria, arrived in St. Petersburg. The girl staying at the Beloselsky-Belozersky Palace was introduced to Tsarevich Nicholas (Alexander III was the princess's godfather). During the six weeks that the future Empress of Russia arrived in St. Petersburg, she managed to conquer the meek heart of the future emperor and awaken in him a frantic desire to tie the knot with her. But when rumors reached that Nikolai wanted to marry Alice, he ordered his son to forget about this desire. The fact is that Alexander and his wife Maria Fedorovna hoped to marry their son to the daughter of the pretender to the throne of France Louis-Philippe Louise Henriette, whom the American newspaper The Washington Post even called “the embodiment of women’s health and beauty, an elegant athlete and a charming polyglot.”

By the time he met Kshesinskaya, Nikolai already intended to marry Alice of Hesse-Darmstadt. Photo: Commons.wikimedia.org

It was only later, in 1894, when the emperor’s health began to deteriorate sharply, and Nicholas, with unusual vehemence, continued to insist on his own, the attitude changed - fortunately, Alice’s sister, Grand Duchess Elizabeth Feodorovna, contributed not only to the rapprochement of the heir to the throne and the princess, helping in the correspondence of lovers, but also influenced Alexander using hidden methods. As a result of all these reasons, in the spring of 1894, a manifesto appeared in which they announced the engagement of the Tsarevich and Alice of Hesse-Darmstadt. But that was after.

“Baby” Kshesinskaya and Nikki

And in 1890, when Nikolai could only correspond with his Alice, he was unexpectedly introduced to Matilda Kshesinskaya - according to some historians, the cunning Alexander decided that it was necessary to distract Nikolai from his love and direct his energy in a different direction. The emperor’s project was a success: already in the summer, the Tsarevich wrote in his diary: “Little Kshesinskaya positively fascinates me...” - and regularly attends her performances.

Matilda Kshesinskaya fell in love with the future emperor at first sight. Photo: Commons.wikimedia.org

“Little” Kshesinskaya understood perfectly well what game she was entering into, but she could hardly realize how far she would advance in relations with members of the royal family. When there was a shift in communication with Nikolai, Matilda announced to her father, a famous Polish dancer who performed on the Mariinsky stage, that she had become Nikolai’s lover. The father listened to his daughter and asked only one question: does she realize that the affair with the future emperor will not end in anything? To this question, which she asked herself, Matilda replied that she wanted to drink the cup of love to the bottom.

The romance between the temperamental and flamboyant ballerina and the future emperor of Russia, who was not used to demonstrating his feelings, lasted exactly two years. Kshesinskaya had really strong feelings for Nikolai and even considered her relationship with him a sign of fate: both he and she were “marked” with the number two: he was supposed to become Nicholas II, and she was called Kshesinskaya-2 on stage: the eldest also worked in the theater Matilda's sister Julia. When their relationship had just begun, Kshesinskaya enthusiastically wrote in her diary: “I fell in love with the Heir from our first meeting. After the summer season in Krasnoye Selo, when I could meet and talk with him, my feeling filled my entire soul, and I could only think about him...”

The lovers most often met in the house of the Kshesinsky family and did not particularly hide: at court no secrets were possible, and the emperor himself turned a blind eye to his son’s affair. There was even a case when the mayor came to the house, hastening to inform that the sovereign was urgently demanding his son to come to the Anichkov Palace. However, to maintain decency, a mansion was bought for Kshesinskaya on Promenade des Anglais, where lovers could see each other without any interference.

End of story

The relationship ended in 1894. Matilda, ready from the very beginning for such an outcome, did not fight in hysterics, did not cry: when saying goodbye to Nicholas with restraint, she behaved with dignity befitting a queen, but not an abandoned mistress.

The ballerina took the news of the separation calmly. Photo: Commons.wikimedia.org It is impossible to say that this was a deliberate calculation, but Kshesinskaya’s behavior led to a positive result: Nikolai always remembered his friend with warmth, and in parting he asked her to always address him as “you”, to still call him by his home nickname “Nikki” and in In case of trouble, always turn to him. Kshesinskaya would indeed later resort to the help of Nikolai, but exclusively for professional purposes relating to behind-the-scenes theatrical intrigues.

At this point, their relationship was completely broken. Matilda continued to dance and soared above the stage with special inspiration when she saw her former lover in the royal box. And Nicholas, who put on the crown, completely immersed himself in state concerns that fell on him after the death of Alexander III, and in the quiet whirlpool of family life with the desired Alix, as he affectionately called the former princess Alice of Hesse-Darmstadt.

When the engagement first took place, Nikolai honestly spoke about his connection with the ballerina, to which she replied: “What is past is past and will never return. We are all surrounded by temptations in this world, and when we are young, we cannot always fight to resist the temptation... I love you even more since you told me this story. Your trust touches me so deeply... Will I be able to be worthy of it?..”

P.S.

For several years later Nicholas terrible shocks and a terrible end awaited: the Russo-Japanese War, Bloody Sunday, a series of murders of high-ranking officials, the First World War, popular discontent, which grew into a revolution, humiliating exile of him and his entire family, and, finally, execution in the basement of the Ipatiev House.

Matilda Kshesinskaya with her son. Photo: Commons.wikimedia.org

A different fate awaited Kshesinskaya - fame as one of the richest women in the Empire, a love affair with Grand Duke Sergei Mikhailovich, from whom she would give birth to a son, emigration to Europe, an affair with Grand Duke Andrei Vladimirovich, who would give the child his patronymic, and fame as one of the best ballerinas of her time and one of the most attractive women of the era, who turned the head of Emperor Nicholas himself.