FUNNY SCENES FROM SCHOOL LIFE

Offered to your attention humorous skits they will not require their performers to memorize large texts (playing the role of a teacher can even use a cheat sheet included in the class magazine), and they will not need special costumes. Rehearsals will take a minimum of time. At the same time, the themes of all the skits are very close to the children. It will be useful for them to look at themselves from the outside, to laugh at their mistakes.

Sketch "Our cases"

(By L. TO Aminsky)

Characters : teacher and student Petrov

Teacher:Petrov, go to the blackboard and write down a short story that I will dictate to you.

Studentgoes to the board and gets ready to write.

Teacher (dictates): “Dad and mom scolded Vova for bad behavior. Vova was silent guiltily, and then promised to improve.”

Studentwrites from dictation on the board.

Teacher:Wonderful! Underline all the nouns in your story.

Studentemphasizes the words: “dad”, “mom”, “Vova”, “behaviour”, “Vova”, “promise”.

Teacher:Ready? Determine which cases these nouns are in. Understood?

Student: Yes!

Teacher: Get started!

Student: "Father and mother". Who? What? Parents. This means the case is genitive.

Scolded someone, what? Vova. “Vova” is a name. This means the case is nominative.

Scolded for what? For bad behavior. Apparently he did something. This means that “behavior” has the instrumental case.

Vova was silent guiltily. This means that here “Vova” has the accusative case.

Well, the “promise,” of course, is in the dative case, since Vova gave it!

That's all!

Teacher: Yes, the analysis turned out to be original! Bring me the diary, Petrov. I wonder what mark you would suggest you set for yourself?

Student: Which one? Of course, an A!

Teacher:So, five? By the way, in what case did you name this word - “five”?

Student: In the prepositional form!

Teacher:In the prepositional? Why?

Student : Well, I suggested it myself!

Sketch "Correct answer"

(AND. B utman)

Characters : teacher and student Petrov

Teacher: Petrov, how much will it be: four divided by two?

Student: What should we divide, Mikhail Ivanovich?

Teacher: Well, let's say four apples.

Student: And between whom?

Teacher: Well, let it be between you and Sidorov.

Student: Then three for me and one for Sidorov.

Teacher: Why is this?

Student: Because Sidorov owes me one apple.

Teacher: Doesn’t he owe you a plum?

Student: No, you shouldn’t have plums.

Teacher: Well, how much will it be if four plums are divided by two?

Student: Four. And all to Sidorov.

Teacher: Why four?

Student: Because I don't like plums.

Teacher: Wrong again.

Student: How many is correct?

Teacher: But now I’ll put the correct answer in your diary!

Scene "3=7 and 2=5"

(Newspaper " Primary School", "Mathematics", No. 24, 2002)

Teacher: Well, Petrov? What should I do with you?

Petrov: And what?

Teacher: You didn’t do anything all year, you didn’t study anything. I don’t really know what to put on your report.

Petrov(looking sullenly at the floor): I, Ivan Ivanovich, was engaged in scientific work.

Teacher: What are you talking about? What kind?

Petrov: I decided that all our mathematics was wrong and... proved it!

Teacher: Well, how, Comrade Great Petrov, did you achieve this?

Petrov: Ah, what can I say, Ivan Ivanovich! It’s not my fault that Pythagoras was wrong and this... Archimedes!

Teacher: Archimedes?

Petrov: And he too, After all, they said that three is only equal to three.

Teacher: What else?

Petrov(solemnly): This is not true! I proved that three equals seven!

Teacher: Like this?

Petrov: But look: 15 -15 = 0. Right?

Teacher: Right.

Petrov: 35 - 35 =0 - also true. So 15-15 = 35-35. Right?

Teacher: Right.

Petrov: We take out the common factors: 3(5-5) = 7(5-5). Right?

Teacher: Exactly.

Petrov: Hehe! (5-5) = (5-5). This is also true!

Teacher: Yes.

Petrov: Then everything is upside down: 3 = 7!

Teacher: Yeah! So, Petrov, we survived.

Petrov: I didn’t want to, Ivan Ivanovich. But you can’t sin against science...

Teacher: It's clear. Look: 20-20 = 0. Right?

Petrov: Exactly!

Teacher: 8-8 = 0 - also true. Then 20-20 = 8-8. It is truth too?

Petrov: Exactly, Ivan Ivanovich, exactly.

Teacher: We take out the common factors: 5(4-4) = 2(4-4). Right?

Petrov: Right!

Teacher: Then that’s it, Petrov, I’ll give you a “2”!

Petrov: For what, Ivan Ivanovich?

Teacher: Don’t be upset, Petrov, because if we divide both sides of the equality by (4-4), then 2=5. Is that what you did?

Petrov: Let us suppose.

Teacher: So I put “2”, who cares. A?

Petrov: No, it doesn’t matter, Ivan Ivanovich, “5” is better.

Teacher: Perhaps it’s better, Petrov, but until you prove this, you will have a D in a year, which, in your opinion, is equal to an A!

Guys, help Petrov .

Scene "Folder under the mouse"

(AND. WITH Emerenko)

Vovka: Listen, I'll tell you a funny story. Yesterday I took the folder by the mouse and went to Uncle Yura, my mother ordered.

Andrey: Ha ha ha! It's really funny.

Vovka(surprised): What's so funny? I haven't even started to tell you yet.

Andrey(laughing): A folder... under your arm! Well thought out. Yes, your folder won’t fit under your arm, he’s not a cat!

Vovka: Why “my folder”? The folder is dad's. You've forgotten how to speak correctly because of laughter, or what?

Andrey: (winking and tapping himself on the forehead): Ah, I guessed it! Grandfather - under the arm! He himself speaks incorrectly, but he also teaches. Now it’s clear: dad’s folder is your grandfather Kolya! In general, it’s great that you came up with this - funny and with a riddle!

Vova(offended): What does my grandfather Kolya have to do with it? I wanted to tell you something completely different. I didn’t listen to the end, but you laugh and get in the way of talking. And he dragged my grandfather under his arm, what a storyteller he was! I'd rather go home than talk to you.

Andrey (to himself, left alone): And why was he offended? For what funny stories tell me if you can’t laugh?

Sketch "At the lessons of natural history"

Characters : teacher and students in class

Teacher:Who can name five wild animals?

Student Petrov reaches out his hand .

Teacher: Answer, Petrov.

Student Petrov: Tiger, tigress and... three tiger cubs.

Teacher: What are dense forests? Answer, Kosichkina!

Student Kosichkina : These are the kind of forests in which... it’s good to doze off.

Teacher: Simakova, please name the parts of the flower.

Student Simakova : Petals, stem, pot.

Teacher: Ivanov, please answer us, what benefits do birds and animals bring to humans?

Student Ivanov: Birds peck mosquitoes, and cats catch mice for him.

Teacher: Petrov, what book about famous travelers have you read?

Student Petukhov: "Frog traveler"

Teacher: Who can answer how the sea differs from the river? Please, Mishkin.

Student Mishkin: The river has two banks, and the sea has one.

Student Zaitsev reaches out his hand .

Teacher: What do you want, Zaitsev? Is there something you want to ask?

Student Zaitsev: Mary Ivanna, is it true that people descended from monkeys?

Teacher: Is it true.

Student Zaitsev: That's what I see: there are so few monkeys!

Teacher: Kozyavin, please answer, what is the life expectancy of a mouse?

Student Kozyavin: Well, Mary Ivanna, it depends entirely on the cat.

Teacher: Meshkov will go to the board and tell us about the crocodile.

Student Meshkov (coming to the blackboard) : The length of the crocodile from head to tail is five meters, and from tail to head is seven meters.

Teacher: Think about what you are saying! Is it possible?

Student Meshkov: Happens! For example, from Monday to Wednesday - two days, and from Wednesday to Monday - five!

Teacher: Khomyakov, answer me, why do people need a nervous system?

Student Khomyakov: To be nervous.

Teacher: Why do you, Sinichkin, look at your watch every minute?

Student Sinichkin: Because I'm terribly worried that the bell will interrupt an amazingly interesting lesson.

Teacher: Guys, who can answer where the bird is flying with a straw in its beak?

Student Belkov raises his hand higher than everyone else.

Teacher: Try, Belkov.

Student Belkov: To the cocktail bar, Mary Ivanna.

Teacher: Teplyakova, what are the last teeth a person develops?

Student Teplyakova: Inserts, Mary Ivanna.

Teacher: Now I will ask you a very difficult question, for the correct answer I will immediately give you an A plus. And the question is: “Why is European time ahead of American time?”

Student Klyushkin reaches out his hand .

Teacher: Answer, Klyushkin.

Student Klyushkin : Because America was discovered later!

Sketch "At Math Lessons"

Characters : teacher and students in class

Teacher: Petrov, you can hardly count to ten. I can’t imagine what you can become?

Student Petrov: Boxing judge, Mary Ivanna!

Teacher: Trushkin goes to the board to solve the problem.

Student Trushkingoes to the board.

Teacher: Listen carefully to the statement of the problem. Dad bought 1 kilogram of sweets, and mom bought another 2 kilograms. How many...

Student Trushkinheads towards the door.

Teacher: Trushkin, where are you going?!

Student Trushkin: I ran home, I have candy!

Teacher: Petrov, bring the diary here. I'll put your deuce in it yesterday.

Student Petrov: I don't have one.

Teacher: Where is he?

Student Petrov: And I gave it to Vitka - to scare his parents!

Teacher: Vasechkin, if you have ten rubles, and you ask your brother for another ten rubles, how much money will you have?

Student Vasechkin: Ten rubles.

Teacher: You just don’t know math!

Student Vasechkin: No, you don’t know my brother!

Teacher: Sidorov, please answer, what is three times seven?

Student Sidorov: Marya Ivanovna, I will answer your question only in the presence of my lawyer!

Teacher: Why, Ivanov, does your father always do your homework for you?

Student Ivanov: And mom doesn’t have free time!

Teacher: Now solve problem number 125 yourself.

The students get to work .

Teacher: Smirnov! Why are you copying from Terentyev?

Student Smirnov: No, Mary Ivanna, he’s copying it from me, and I’m just checking to see if he did it correctly!

Teacher: Guys, who is Archimedes? Answer, Shcherbinina.

Shcherbinin's student : This is a mathematical Greek.

Sketch "At Russian language lessons"

Characters : teacher and students in class

Teacher: Let's hear how you learned your homework. Whoever answers first will receive a higher point.

Student Ivanov(pulls out his hand and shouts): Mary Ivanna, I will be the first, give me three at once!

Teacher: Your essay about a dog, Petrov, is word for word similar to Ivanov’s essay!

Student Petrov: Mary Ivanna, Ivanov and I live in the same yard, and there we have one dog for all of us!

Teacher: You, Sidorov, have a wonderful essay, but why isn’t it finished?

Student Sidorov: But because dad was urgently called to work!

Teacher: Koshkin, admit it, who wrote your essay?

Student Koshkin: Don't know. I went to bed early.

Teacher: And as for you, Klevtsov, let your grandfather come to see me tomorrow!

Student Klevtsov: Grandfather? Maybe dad?

Teacher: No, grandfather. I want to show him what gross mistakes his son makes when he writes an essay for you.

Teacher: What kind of word is “egg”, Sinichkin?

Student Sinichkin: None.

Teacher: Why?

Student Sinichkin: Because it is not known who will hatch from it: a rooster or a chicken.

Teacher: Petushkov, determine the gender of the words: “chair”, “table”, “sock”, “stocking”.

Student Petushkov: “Table”, “chair” and “sock” - male, and “stocking” is female.

Teacher: Why?

Student Petushkov: Because only women wear stockings!

Teacher: Smirnov, go to the board, write down and analyze the sentence.

Student Smirnov goes to the blackboard .

The teacher dictates and the student writes down : “Dad went to the garage.”

Teacher: Ready? We are listening to you.

Student Smirnov: Dad is the subject, gone is the predicate, to the garage is ... a preposition.

Teacher: Who, guys, can come up with a sentence with homogeneous members?

Student Tyulkina reaches out her hand .

Teacher: Please, Tyulkina.

Student Tyulkina : There were no trees, bushes, or grass in the forest.

Teacher: Sobakin, come up with a sentence with the numeral “three”.

Student Sobakin: My mother works at a knitting factory.

Teacher: Rubashkin, go to the board and write down the sentence.

Student Rubashkin goes to the blackboard .

Teacher dictates: The guys were catching butterflies nets.

Student Rubashkin writes : The guys were catching butterflies with glasses.

Teacher: Rubashkin, why are you so inattentive?

Student Rubashkin: And what?

Teacher: Where have you seen bespectacled butterflies?

Teacher: Meshkov, what part of speech is the word “dry”?

Student Meshkov, standing up, is silent for a long time .

Teacher: Well, think about it, Meshkov, what question does this word answer?

Student Meshkov: What kind? Dryish!

Teacher: Antonyms are words that are opposite in meaning. For example, fat - thin, cry - laugh, day - night. Petushkov, now give me your example.

Student Petushkov: Cat dog.

Teacher: What does “cat - dog” have to do with it?

Student Petushkov: Well, how about that? They are opposites and often fight with each other.

Teacher: Sidorov, why do you eat apples in class?

Student Sidorov: It’s a pity to waste time during recess!

Teacher: Stop immediately! By the way, why weren't you at school yesterday?

Student Sidorov: My older brother got sick.

Teacher: What do you have to do with it?

Student Sidorov: And I rode his bike!

Teacher: Sidorov! My patience has run out! Don't come to school tomorrow without your father!

Student Sidorov: And the day after tomorrow?

Teacher: Sushkina, come up with a proposal with an appeal.

Sushkina's student: Mary Ivanna, call!

Scene "I'm late..."

Characters

Anton is a late student.

A student who is late for class bursts into the classroom.

Anton. Sorry I'm late.

Teacher. We understood this. Explain why. What's happened?

Anton. Oh, what just happened!.. I’ll start in order. When I hear the alarm clock, I feel like I'm being shot.

Teacher. And you jump up right away?

Anton. No, I’m lying there like a dead man! That's why Kesha, my parrot, wakes me up. At exactly 7.30 he says: “ Good morning! It's time to get up." But yesterday it was Kesha's birthday, and I treated him to ice cream. And in the morning Kesha didn’t wake me up - he lost his voice, poor fellow...

Teacher. You say you've eaten too much ice cream. Interesting...

Anton. Well, that means... I left the house... And then an armed bandit attacked me!

Teacher. Horror! So what did he do?

Anton. Took away my homework!

Anton. Then I decided to help the old lady cross the street. And as soon as I got it to the middle, the traffic light broke! The light turned red and the cars drove without stopping. So we sunbathed in the middle of the street until the traffic controller appeared.

Teacher. This is the story... Tell me, Anton, is there even a word of truth in your story?

Anton. As many as two: I'M LATE.

Scene “At Recess”

Characters

Classmates:

The bell rings from class. Children sit on chairs along the edge of the stage: some with a book in their hands, some with games, starting a conversation among themselves.

Vitalik. All people are like people: during recess they rush around the corridor, and we sit in the classroom like crazy.

Masha. So we punished ourselves: we behaved badly, now we sit in class for a whole week.

Someone sneezes.

Dasha. What will we have now?

Andrey. Mathematics.

Lesha. I love mathematics... (Addresses Sergei.) What is your favorite subject?

Sergey. And my favorite subject is TV!

Anton. And mine is a tape recorder!

Yura. And mine is a computer!

Natasha. Do you have a computer at home?

Yura. Eat.

Natasha. You probably want to become a programmer?

Yura. No, a doctor.

Natasha. Ha, you got a “C” in “The World Around You”!

Masha. So what, Natasha, he’ll fix her! And what kind of doctor - surgeon?

Yura. No, dental: people have one heart, but 32 teeth!

Someone sneezes.

Masha. Do you remember, Katya, how Lyudmila Vladimirovna asks Yura in class: “Why do storks fly to Africa for the winter?”

Kate. I remember, I remember... What did you say then, Yura?

Yura. It’s clear that blacks want to have children too!

Sergey. Vitalik, did you get hit by your parents yesterday for leaving home from rhythm class?

Vitalik. Not that it was terrible, but the relationship deteriorated. Imagine, in the morning I hint to my father: “Dad, I saw in a dream that you bought me three servings of ice cream.” Usually he understands the hints, but then he says: “Great, you can keep them!”

Anton. Well, that's nothing yet. But my dad once gave me two slaps on the head.

Nastya. For what?

Anton. The first time because I showed the diary with “twos”. And the second - when he saw that it was his old diary!

Nastya. Well, why did you show it? It's my own fault. You need to be more careful with your parents. They forgot that they themselves were once children.

Kate. What time is it, Lesh?

Lesha. 10.20.

Kate. This means we have 10 more minutes to sunbathe before the lesson starts.

Dasha. Lyudmila Vladimirovna said there will be no extension today...

Sergey. Badly. I don't like doing homework with grandma. Lyudmila Vladimirovna immediately recognizes her handwriting.

Zhenya. One day I was doing my homework at home. And when I handed in the notebook, Lyudmila Vladimirovna grabbed her head: “It’s simply incredible that one person can make so many mistakes!” And I say: “Why alone? Together with dad! "

Someone sneezes.

Anton. I also didn’t go to an after-school program once. So Lyudmila Vladimirovna asks: “Admit it, Anton, who did your homework for you?”

And I answer: “I don’t know, I went to bed early yesterday.”

Masha. What I like most about the after-school program is drinking tea.

Andrey. Yes, great!

Masha. And my mother gave me a silver spoon and said: “Take it to class. If you drink tea, put a spoon in the cup. From it, from silver, all microbes die.”

And I say: “Mom, do you want me to drink tea with dead germs?”

Sergey. And I somehow shout: “Lyudmila Vladimirovna! My tea is unsweetened." And she: “Did you stir the sugar?” - “I stirred it.” - “Which direction?” - “To the right.” - “So the sugar has gone to the left!”

Anton sneezes and wipes his mouth with his sleeve.

Natasha. Anton, do you happen to have a handkerchief?

Anton. There is, but I'm sorry, Natasha, I don't lend it to anyone.

Masha. Listen, Lyosh, I want to ask you everything. When I pass by your windows, sometimes I hear your cat screaming in an almost human voice...

Lesha. I wash it.

Masha. I wash my cat too, but she doesn’t scream like that.

Lesha. Are you squeezing it out?

Masha. What a flayer you are, Lesha!

Lesha. You yourself are a flayer! But my cat doesn't have fleas. And you, Masha, better not forget to tell your mother that Lyudmila Vladimirovna is calling her to school!

Masha. And I already said, Lesha! “Mom,” I say, “we have a shortened parent-teacher meeting today.” And she asks: “How is this abbreviated?” And I answer: “Very simple: Lyudmila Vladimirovna, you, me and the director.”

The bell rings for class.

Sketch “At a math lesson”

Characters

Classmates: Dasha, Yura, Nastya, Anton, Katya, Vitalik.

The bell rings for class. The teacher enters the class.

Teacher. Sit down. Get ready for mental counting. Checking the multiplication table. 7x8?

Dasha. 56.

Teacher. 49: 7.

Yura. 7.

Teacher. 9 x 3?

Nastya. 27.

Teacher. For some reason Anton Sidorov doesn’t raise his hand... Anton, 5x5?

Anton. 30.

Kate. 25.

Teacher. Anton, 10:2?

Anton. ... 7.

Teacher. Finger in the sky! Very bad! Didn't you study the table again?

Anton. It’s just that my dad went on a business trip, and my mom can’t cope with me.

Teacher. We'll have to wait for your dad to return from his business trip. That's when the cat will shed the mouse's tears...

Anton. Ah, seven troubles - one answer!

Teacher. Yura, you will solve the problem on the card yourself, for assessment. (Gives a card.) And everyone else solves the examples on page 124. I hope, Vitalik, I won’t see you copying from Natasha.

Vitalik. I will try, Lyudmila Vladimirovna, so that you don’t notice!

Everything is decided.

Teacher. Well done, Yura, he solved the problem correctly. How will you check it?

Yura. Why check? You yourself said it was right!

Teacher. Logical! You earned an "A"!

Vitalik is cheating.

Teacher. But Vitalik still cheats! Vitalik, why don’t I see your diary on my desk?

Vitalik. And my friend from a parallel class asked me to scare his parents.

Teacher. By the way, please explain why your dad puts a cross in his diary instead of a signature?

Vitalik. Dad says not to think that such an intelligent person like him could have such a stupid son!

Teacher. He is right. By the way, I want to remind you: you didn’t get a “D” in physical education.

Vitalik. Already closed.

Teacher. How?

Vitalik."Unit".

Teacher. So!!! Skipped class again?

Vitalik. My leg hurt yesterday...

Teacher. Doesn't it hurt today?

Vitalik Call.

And today there is no physical education!

Sketch “Analysis of Essays”

Characters

Classmates: Natasha, Anton, Vitalik, Masha, Lyosha, Sergey, Dasha, Yura.

The bell rings for class.

Teacher. Hello guys! Sit down. Yesterday you wrote an essay on a topic that sounds like this: “What will I become when I grow up?” I checked your work. Officers on duty, please hand out the notebooks. I really liked Natasha's essay! Natasha, read it out loud, please.

Natasha.“When I grow up, I will become the president of the country. And the first thing I will do is increase teachers’ salaries tenfold! To each to the class teacher I will give you a computer, a three-room apartment and a personal car with a driver. And I will assign such a pension to retired teachers that they can travel all over the world, and not alone, but with their beloved grandchildren.”

Teacher. Natasha, why are you so concerned about the lives of teachers?

Natasha. My mother and grandmother are teachers.

Teacher. Then it’s clear... Anton, your essay unpleasantly surprised me. Read it please.

Anton. “I want to become an astronaut. You sit in a spaceship for six months, skipping school. Great! Astronauts are the happiest people on Earth!”

Teacher. Tell me, please, how will you become an astronaut without a high school diploma?

Anton. You can now buy certificates and diplomas on the market.

Teacher. And with a fake diploma you're going into space? You won't come back.

Well, I didn’t expect anything else from Vitalik’s writing. Would you read your fantasies to us?

Vitalik.“When I grow up, I will definitely become a military man. I’ll lock myself in a tank and spit plasticine through the barrel of the tank. And they won’t be able to call me into the school principal’s office. The tank will not go through the doors into his office.”

Teacher. The tank, of course, won’t pass, but your parents won’t!

Masha’s essay seemed interesting to me... But...

Masha.“When I grow up, I will become the director of the factory where diaries are made. And my plant will make diaries, which will immediately contain excellent marks in all cells. Teachers will just have to sign for them.”

Teacher. Then your factory, Masha, will inevitably go bankrupt, because none of the parents will buy such diaries.

Lesha. I wouldn't want to be a worker in your factory!

Sergey. “When I grow up, I will definitely become a mathematics teacher. I’ll ask the kids stupid problems, and at that moment I’ll swing from the chandelier in my swimming trunks, laugh and throw cakes at them.”

Teacher. I think you've confused school with a zoo.

Dasha. And yourself - with a monkey!

Yura. “When I grow up, I will definitely become a world champion in karate. Then I’ll work out the barbell properly, win the European boxing championship, come to my home school, go up to the life safety teacher and tell him: “Mikhail Ivanovich, don’t you want to ask me again about the rules traffic?"»

Teacher. I think that without knowing the rules of the road you will not become a champion, but rather a disabled person. Now let's start working on the mistakes.

All children work in notebooks. Vitalik takes out a calculator and begins to calculate something.

The teacher, walking around the class, approaches Vitalik.

Teacher. And you, “Lobachevsky,” what are you calculating?

Vitalik. Number of errors per square centimeter!

Teacher. Finish working on your mistakes at home.

Sketch "Our cases"

(according to L. Kaminsky)

Characters: teacher and student Petrov

Teacher: Petrov, go to the blackboard and write down a short story that I will dictate to you.

Student goes to the board and gets ready to write.

Teacher (dictates):“Dad and mom scolded Vova for bad behavior. Vova was silent guiltily, and then promised to improve.”

Student writes from dictation on the board.

Teacher: Wonderful! Underline all the nouns in your story.

Student emphasizes the words: “dad”, “mom”, “Vova”, “behaviour”, “Vova”, “promise”.

Teacher: Ready? Determine which cases these nouns are in. Understood?

Student: Yes!

Teacher: Get started!

Student: "Father and mother". Who? What? Parents. This means the case is genitive.

Scolded someone, what? Vova. “Vova” is a name. This means the case is nominative.

Scolded for what? For bad behavior. Apparently he did something. This means that “behavior” has the instrumental case.

Vova was silent guiltily. This means that here “Vova” has the accusative case.

Well, the “promise,” of course, is in the dative case, since Vova gave it!

That's all!

Teacher: Yes, the analysis turned out to be original! Bring me the diary, Petrov. I wonder what mark you would suggest you set for yourself?

Student: Which one? Of course, an A!

Teacher: So, five? By the way, in what case did you name this word - “five”?

Student: In the prepositional form!

Teacher: In the prepositional? Why?

Student: Well, I suggested it myself!

Sketch "Correct answer"

(I. Butman)

Characters: teacher and student Petrov

Teacher: Petrov, how much will it be: four divided by two?

Student: What should we divide, Mikhail Ivanovich?

Teacher: Well, let's say four apples.

Student: And between whom?

Teacher: Well, let it be between you and Sidorov.

Student: Then three for me and one for Sidorov.

Teacher: Why is this?

Student: Because Sidorov owes me one apple.

Teacher: Doesn’t he owe you a plum?

Student: No, you shouldn’t have plums.

Teacher: Well, how much will it be if four plums are divided by two?

Student: Four. And all to Sidorov.

Teacher: Why four?

Student: Because I don't like plums.

Teacher: Wrong again.

Student: How many is correct?

Teacher: But now I’ll put the correct answer in your diary!

Scene "3=7 and 2=5"

(Newspaper "Primary School", "Mathematics", No. 24, 2002)

Teacher: Well, Petrov? What should I do with you?

Petrov: And what?

Teacher: You didn’t do anything all year, you didn’t study anything. I don’t really know what to put on your report.

Petrov(looking sullenly at the floor): I, Ivan Ivanovich, was engaged in scientific work.

Teacher: What are you talking about? What kind?

Petrov: I decided that all our mathematics was wrong and... proved it!

Teacher: Well, how, Comrade Great Petrov, did you achieve this?

Petrov: Ah, what can I say, Ivan Ivanovich! It’s not my fault that Pythagoras was wrong and this... Archimedes!

Teacher: Archimedes?

Petrov: And he too, After all, they said that three is only equal to three.

Teacher: What else?

Petrov(solemnly): This is not true! I proved that three equals seven!

Teacher: Like this?

Petrov: But look: 15 -15 = 0. Right?

Teacher: Right.

Petrov: 35 - 35 =0 - also true. So 15-15 = 35-35. Right?

Teacher: Right.

Petrov: We take out the common factors: 3(5-5) = 7(5-5). Right?

Teacher: Exactly.

Petrov: Hehe! (5-5) = (5-5). This is also true!

Teacher: Yes.

Petrov: Then everything is upside down: 3 = 7!

Teacher: Yeah! So, Petrov, we survived.

Petrov: I didn’t want to, Ivan Ivanovich. But you can’t sin against science...

Teacher: It's clear. Look: 20-20 = 0. Right?

Petrov: Exactly!

Teacher: 8-8 = 0 - also true. Then 20-20 = 8-8. It is truth too?

Petrov: Exactly, Ivan Ivanovich, exactly.

Teacher: We take out the common factors: 5(4-4) = 2(4-4). Right?

Petrov: Right!

Teacher: Then that’s it, Petrov, I’ll give you a “2”!

Petrov: For what, Ivan Ivanovich?

Teacher: Don’t be upset, Petrov, because if we divide both sides of the equality by (4-4), then 2=5. Is that what you did?

Petrov: Let us suppose.

Teacher: So I put “2”, who cares. A?

Petrov: No, it doesn’t matter, Ivan Ivanovich, “5” is better.

Teacher: Perhaps it’s better, Petrov, but until you prove this, you will have a D in a year, which, in your opinion, is equal to an A!

Guys, help Petrov.

Scene "Folder under the mouse"

(I. Semerenko)

Vovka: Listen, I'll tell you a funny story. Yesterday I took the folder by the mouse and went to Uncle Yura, my mother ordered.

Andrey: Ha ha ha! It's really funny.

Vovka(surprised): What's so funny? I haven't even started to tell you yet.

Andrey(laughing): A folder... under your arm! Well thought out. Yes, your folder won’t fit under your arm, he’s not a cat!

Vovka: Why “my folder”? The folder is dad's. You've forgotten how to speak correctly because of laughter, or what?

Andrey: (winking and tapping himself on the forehead): Ah, I guessed it! Grandfather - under the arm! He himself speaks incorrectly, but he also teaches. Now it’s clear: dad’s folder is your grandfather Kolya! In general, it’s great that you came up with this - funny and with a riddle!

Vova(offended): What does my grandfather Kolya have to do with it? I wanted to tell you something completely different. I didn’t listen to the end, but you laugh and get in the way of talking. And he dragged my grandfather under his arm, what a storyteller he was! I'd rather go home than talk to you.

Andrey(to himself, left alone): And why was he offended? Why tell funny stories if you can't laugh?

Sketch "At the lessons of natural history"

Characters : teacher and students in class

Teacher: Who can name five wild animals?

Student Petrov reaches out his hand.

Teacher: Answer, Petrov.

Student Petrov: Tiger, tigress and... three tiger cubs.

Teacher: What are dense forests? Answer, Kosichkina!

Student Kosichkina: These are the kind of forests in which... it’s good to doze off.

Teacher: Simakova, please name the parts of the flower.

Student Simakova: Petals, stem, pot.

Teacher: Ivanov, please answer us, what benefits do birds and animals bring to humans?

Student Ivanov: Birds peck mosquitoes, and cats catch mice for him.

Teacher: Petrov, what book about famous travelers have you read?

Student Petukhov: "Frog traveler"

Teacher: Who can answer how the sea differs from the river? Please, Mishkin.

Student Mishkin: The river has two banks, and the sea has one.

Student Zaitsev reaches out his hand.

Teacher: What do you want, Zaitsev? Is there something you want to ask?

Student Zaitsev: Mary Ivanna, is it true that people descended from monkeys?

Teacher: Is it true.

Student Zaitsev: That's what I see: there are so few monkeys!

Teacher: Kozyavin, please answer, what is the life expectancy of a mouse?

Student Kozyavin: Well, Mary Ivanna, it depends entirely on the cat.

Teacher: Meshkov will go to the board and tell us about the crocodile.

Student Meshkov (coming to the blackboard): The length of the crocodile from head to tail is five meters, and from tail to head is seven meters.

Teacher: Think about what you are saying! Is it possible?

Student Meshkov: Happens! For example, from Monday to Wednesday - two days, and from Wednesday to Monday - five!

Teacher: Khomyakov, answer me, why do people need a nervous system?

Student Khomyakov: To be nervous.

Teacher: Why do you, Sinichkin, look at your watch every minute?

Student Sinichkin: Because I'm terribly worried that the bell will interrupt an amazingly interesting lesson.

Teacher: Guys, who can answer where the bird is flying with a straw in its beak?

Student Belkov raises his hand higher than everyone else.

Teacher: Try, Belkov.

Student Belkov: To the cocktail bar, Mary Ivanna.

Teacher: Teplyakova, what are the last teeth a person develops?

Student Teplyakova: Inserts, Mary Ivanna.

Teacher: Now I will ask you a very difficult question, for the correct answer I will immediately give you an A plus. And the question is: “Why is European time ahead of American time?”

Student Klyushkin reaches out his hand.

Teacher: Answer, Klyushkin.

Student Klyushkin: Because America was discovered later!

Sketch "At Math Lessons"

Characters: teacher and students in class

Teacher: Petrov, you can hardly count to ten. I can’t imagine what you can become?

Student Petrov: Boxing judge, Mary Ivanna!

Teacher: Trushkin goes to the board to solve the problem.

Student Trushkin goes to the board.

Teacher: Listen carefully to the statement of the problem. Dad bought 1 kilogram of sweets, and mom bought another 2 kilograms. How many...

Student Trushkin heads towards the door.

Teacher: Trushkin, where are you going?!

Student Trushkin: I ran home, I have candy!

Teacher: Petrov, bring the diary here. I'll put your deuce in it yesterday.

Student Petrov: I don't have one.

Teacher: Where is he?

Student Petrov: And I gave it to Vitka - to scare his parents!

Teacher: Vasechkin, if you have ten rubles, and you ask your brother for another ten rubles, how much money will you have?

Student Vasechkin: Ten rubles.

Teacher: You just don’t know math!

Student Vasechkin: No, you don’t know my brother!

Teacher: Sidorov, please answer, what is three times seven?

Student Sidorov: Marya Ivanovna, I will answer your question only in the presence of my lawyer!

Teacher: Why, Ivanov, does your father always do your homework for you?

Student Ivanov: And mom doesn’t have free time!

Teacher: Now solve problem number 125 yourself.

The students get to work.

Teacher: Smirnov! Why are you copying from Terentyev?

Student Smirnov: No, Mary Ivanna, he’s copying it from me, and I’m just checking to see if he did it correctly!

Teacher: Guys, who is Archimedes? Answer, Shcherbinina.

Shcherbinin's student: This is a mathematical Greek.

Sketch "At Russian language lessons"

Characters: teacher and students in class

Teacher: Let's hear how you learned your homework. Whoever answers first will receive a higher point.

Student Ivanov(pulls out his hand and shouts): Mary Ivanna, I will be the first, give me three at once!

Teacher: Your essay about a dog, Petrov, is word for word similar to Ivanov’s essay!

Student Petrov: Mary Ivanna, Ivanov and I live in the same yard, and there we have one dog for all of us!

Teacher: You, Sidorov, have a wonderful essay, but why isn’t it finished?

Student Sidorov: But because dad was urgently called to work!

Teacher: Koshkin, admit it, who wrote your essay?

Student Koshkin: Don't know. I went to bed early.

Teacher: And as for you, Klevtsov, let your grandfather come to see me tomorrow!

Student Klevtsov: Grandfather? Maybe dad?

Teacher: No, grandfather. I want to show him what gross mistakes his son makes when he writes an essay for you.

Teacher: What kind of word is “egg”, Sinichkin?

Student Sinichkin: None.

Teacher: Why?

Student Sinichkin: Because it is not known who will hatch from it: a rooster or a chicken.

Teacher: Petushkov, determine the gender of the words: “chair”, “table”, “sock”, “stocking”.

Student Petushkov: “Table”, “chair” and “sock” are masculine, and “stocking” is feminine.

Teacher: Why?

Student Petushkov: Because only women wear stockings!

Teacher: Smirnov, go to the board, write down and analyze the sentence.

Student Smirnov goes to the blackboard.

The teacher dictates and the student writes down: “Dad went to the garage.”

Teacher: Ready? We are listening to you.

Student Smirnov: Dad is the subject, gone is the predicate, to the garage is ... a preposition.

Teacher: Who, guys, can come up with a sentence with homogeneous members?

Student Tyulkina reaches out her hand.

Teacher: Please, Tyulkina.

Student Tyulkina: There were no trees, bushes, or grass in the forest.

Teacher: Sobakin, come up with a sentence with the numeral “three”.

Student Sobakin: My mother works at a knitting factory.

Teacher: Rubashkin, go to the board and write down the sentence.

Student Rubashkin goes to the blackboard.

Teacher dictates: The guys were catching butterflies nets.

Student Rubashkin writes: The guys were catching butterflies with glasses.

Teacher: Rubashkin, why are you so inattentive?

Student Rubashkin: And what?

Teacher: Where have you seen bespectacled butterflies?

Teacher: Meshkov, what part of speech is the word “dry”?

Student Meshkov, standing up, is silent for a long time.

Teacher: Well, think about it, Meshkov, what question does this word answer?

Student Meshkov: What kind? Dryish!

Teacher: Antonyms are words that are opposite in meaning. For example, fat - thin, cry - laugh, day - night. Petushkov, now give me your example.

Student Petushkov: Cat dog.

Teacher: What does “cat - dog” have to do with it?

Student Petushkov: Well, how about that? They are opposites and often fight with each other.

Teacher: Sidorov, why do you eat apples in class?

Student Sidorov: It’s a pity to waste time during recess!

Teacher: Stop immediately! By the way, why weren't you at school yesterday?

Student Sidorov: My older brother got sick.

Teacher: What do you have to do with it?

Student Sidorov: And I rode his bike!

Teacher: Sidorov! My patience has run out! Don't come to school tomorrow without your father!

Student Sidorov: And the day after tomorrow?

Teacher: Sushkina, come up with a proposal with an appeal.

Sushkina's student: Mary Ivanna, call!

Scene "Schoolboy and salesman"

Characters: student and store sales assistant

Shop assistant: What can I tell you?

Schoolboy: Years of reign of Nicholas II?

Shop assistant: Do not know.

Schoolboy: Okay... Pythagorean theorem?

Shop assistant: ... (shrugs)

Schoolboy: Photosynthesis?

Shop assistant: (sighing) I don’t know...

Schoolboy: Well, why are you bothering then with your “What can I tell you?”!!!

Scene "Schoolchildren at the Stadium"

Characters: schoolchildren and stadium informant

A group of young fans led by a leader chants loudly:

"SPARTAK IS A CHAMPION!" "SPARTAK IS A CHAMPION!"

Suddenly the voice of the stadium informant comes on:

Your history teacher is at the match!

Young fans start chanting:

“SPA-RTAC IS A ROMAN SLAVE!” “SPA-RTAC IS A ROMAN SLAVE!”

And at various holidays, in addition to amateur performances, at which the vocal and dancing talents of classmates are clearly demonstrated, funny dramatizations, theatrical performances and skits are especially popular.

We offer a scenario comic school skit "Deserved grade", written based on the story of the same name by Konstantin Melikhan (thanks to the author!). Such a scene can be shown on any holiday: Day of Knowledge, Teacher's Day, March 8, or graduations.

Characters:

Teacher Maria Ivanovna (name can be any)

Pupils (it’s better to call the guys by their proper names; in this scenario, the names are conditional. There may be more or less of them)

School scene script

Maria Ivanovna: Denis, where do wood grouse winter?

Denis: They roam under the snow.

Maria Ivanovna: Interesting observation. Lera, what do you know about crabs?

Lera: Crabs... (waiting for a hint) These are fish... Similar to crayfish!

Maria Ivanovna: Sit down, already! Julia, What class does the cross spider belong to?

Julia: To the cruciferous class!

Maria Ivanovna: And our Yulia has all the flowers on her mind! Where do hamsters live? Kirill!

Kirill: At the pet store!

Maria Ivanovna: What are you saying?!!!

Rogov enters

Maria Ivanovna: Well, why were you late this time?

Rogov: I accidentally fell into a puddle, returned home to change clothes, and at the same time... had lunch.

Maria Ivanovna: And how did you eat? Sit down, my goodness! Well, since we're all here, let's listen to... Rogov! Learned?

Rogov: Learned.

Maria Ivanovna: Get started!

Rogov: Aloud?

Maria Ivanovna (menacingly): Rogov!

Rogov: Your smile is wonderful!

Maria Ivanovna (conciliatory): Well, well, Rogov, tell me.

Rogov: Your hair is always so neat! Not what I have.

Maria Ivanovna (embarrassed): Thank you.

Rogov: Your blouse is beautiful, it suits you.

Maria Ivanovna: Am I right, you haven't learned your lesson?

Rogov: Sorry, I didn't learn. You can’t hide anything from you... Of course, with such and such work experience! How long have you, Mary Vanna, been suffering with people like me at school?

Maria Ivanovna: Oh, Rogov, Rogov! Tell me, where do birds fly for the winter?

Rogov: There!

Maria Ivanovna: Well, sit down. Troika!

(Addresses to the class): Well, since Rogov distinguished himself so much for us, I’ll ask everyone. Now we will conduct a quick survey with you. Anya, what benefits do ants bring?

Anya: Ants protect fruits from caterpillars, and people then collect and preserve them.

Maria Ivanovna: Who knows why some birds fly south?

Fedya: And some are probably lazy!

Maria Ivanovna: Look, our Fedor has woken up! Where do whales live? Well!

In chorus: In China!

Maria Ivanovna: Well, you are on a roll with me today: the further you go, the more interesting it gets! How do pigeons reproduce? Rogov!

Rogov: Pigeons lay eggs and then hatch from them.

Maria Ivanovna: It’s good that it’s not cabbage rolls! Sit down, my dear... Julia, what are nature reserves?

Julia: Nature reserves are places where animals take a break from people.

Maria Ivanovna (walking around the class): Really? I didn’t even know! Where can I find a teacher reserve? Kirill, what skull bones do you know?

Kirill (waking up): Frontal, parietal and back of the head!

Maria Ivanovna examines the note taken from the girls.

Rogov (speaks to Fedor, his desk neighbor): There is no secret here: tell this kikimore a lie about her eyes and blouses, and she will relax!

Fedya: Hush, you will hear!

Rogov: Nonsense! Don't drift, she's two meters away and Ramstein won't hear!

Maria Ivanovna (takes his seat): Now let’s listen to Rogov.

Rogov: You already asked me...

Maria Ivanovna: And I’ll ask you about an old topic. Tell us about...

Rogov: Your smile is wonderful...

Maria Ivanovna: What else?

Maria Ivanovna: Closer to the topic!

Rogov: You have the figure of a top model!

Maria Ivanovna (looking at his figure doubtfully): So you don’t know anything at all!

Rogov: You are just like Messing, you see everything, you know everything! And why did you go to school to work? You're ruining your nervous system because of people like me. Tomorrow is a holiday: You should go to a spa salon, but here you are ruining your health! And even better - go to the sea, read poetry, meet a good person!

Maria Ivanovna: Well, sit down, Rogov. Troika...

Funny skits about school have always been, are and, of course, will be popular, as they reflect the brightest possible events of wonderful school years. Therefore, there are many funny skits that show the brightest school events.

Scene “wonderful medicine”

The action takes place in a chemistry lesson. The props require a desk, two chairs and a teacher's table with chemical supplies. Characters: Petya, Sasha and Marya Ivanovna. Two boys are dressed in school uniforms, the teacher first appears in a black robe with a staff, then appears in her usual form.

- Sasha, did you do your homework? - Petya asks his neighbor at his desk.

- No, I played computer games all day and almost until the morning! - Sasha answers.

- I was doing the same thing, I really want to sleep! – Petya answered, yawning loudly. By the way, bet I get an A today?

How is that? – Sasha is indignant. “You haven’t prepared anything at all, just like me!”

- It's simple! – Petya answered with a smile. – I read on the Internet that if you mix pop, yellow soda, green soda, a crow feather, a cat’s whisker, a tomato, green tea and a slice of chocolate, you get a wonderful potion, by drinking which you can manipulate people. I’ll drink it and tell Marya Ivanovna to give it an A, and she will! Do you want to try my medicine?

- Ha ha! Sasha laughed. - All this is nonsense!

- Well, if you don’t want to get an A, don’t drink! - Petya muttered.

- Okay, let's drink your dubious decoction, maybe something will work out! – Sasha agreed.

Petya drinks from the bottle with the “drug”, hands it to Sasha, who takes a sip.

- Ugh, what an abomination! – Sasha was indignant.

Drink-drink! A's don't come easy! – his desk neighbor grinned.

After drinking the decoction, the schoolchildren, who had not slept until the morning, lay down on their desks and closed their eyes for a second. Opening them, they saw Marya Ivanovna near the table in a long black cape with a staff.

- Marya Ivanovna! - Petya gasped. What is this strange outfit you have?

- Why is it strange? – Marya Ivanovna was surprised. – The most common outfit for the lord of darkness, very suitable for the ceremony of absorbing souls.

- What did you treat me with, you fool? – Alexander asked quietly and indignantly.

- It's probably by-effect... - Peter answered him in surprise and became thoughtful.

“Today I decided to absorb your souls.” – The teacher said, grinning. – It’s been a long time since I took souls from lazy people!

- I saw something like this in a computer game! – Petya said in a whisper. “When the dark lord touches us with the tip of his staff, he can take our souls!”

- I play this game too! – Sasha supported. – In order to neutralize the dark lord, you need to move your hands in a circular motion and say the magic word “arakunada.”

- So, let's do this while our souls are still with us! - Peter exclaimed.

The boys move their hands and shout the word “arakunada”.

“This won’t save you, dears, because my staff works at a distance!” – the teacher shouted and waved her staff.

The boys fall on their desks and close their eyes. Opening their eyes, they see Marya Ivanovna without her robe and staff.

- Sanya, the spell is working, her staff and robe fell, let’s do it again! – Petya joyfully proclaimed.

The boys shout the word "arakunada" and continue to move their hands. The teacher looks at them in bewilderment.

- What does this mean? – she asks indignantly. – Is this what you’re telling me about sodium?

- Calm down, dark lord! - Sasha shouted. You won't get our souls!

- It’s not your souls that I need, but your homework! – Marya Ivanovna laughed. - What kind of concert is it, boys? I go in and they are sleeping. I woke up - they were shouting strange words and waving their hands. Are you OK?

“Yes, yes, Marya Ivanovna...” Sasha answered, stuttering.

- So it turns out we all dreamed? – asked his seatmate. Listen, maybe at least the potion worked after all, let's try to force her to give us a high five?

- Yah you! – Alexander said offendedly and smiled.

Sketch “strange first-grader”

The main characters: a group of high school students, a teacher and a first grader. The only props you will need are markers.

The teacher walks down the corridor and sees how high school students are laughing loudly at their little first-grader.

- What's the matter? – the teacher was indignant. – Why do you offend someone who is younger than you?

And we don’t offend! - answered one of the crowd. - Look how stupid he is! We offer him to take either three markers or one, and he takes only one, saying that it’s better this way! If you don't believe me, look at it for yourself!

A high school student takes three markers in one hand and only holds one in the other.

- What will you take for yourself? – he asks the boy, laughing. – One felt-tip pen or several.

“I’d rather take one from you.” – the boy answers quietly, takes the felt-tip pen and puts it in his backpack.

- You see! – the high school student convinces the teacher.

The teacher takes the little student aside.

- Boy, why don’t you take three markers at once? – the teacher quietly asks the question.

“If I take away three markers at once, they’ll think I’m smart and the game will end.” - The boy answers. So, I’d rather be stupid, but with twenty markers! - takes out twenty won felt-tip pens from his briefcase.

Scene “school romance”

Characters: teacher Nina Semyonovna and student Kolya. The props you need are a sheet of paper and a pen.

Kolya runs up to Nina Semyonovna.

- Nina Semyonovna! - Kolya shouts. – I want to make a romantic card with my own hands and give it to a girl, please help me write a beautiful declaration of love.

- Who are you going to give it to, Kolenka? – the teacher asks in a whisper. – Probably Tanya from the parallel class? I see that all the boys really like her.

- No, not her! - Kolenka answers.

- Why? – Nina Semyonovna is surprised. Really, you don't like her at all?

“I like it, very much...” Kolya sighs heavily. “But now all the boys are hitting her on the head with their briefcases and pulling her beautiful braids, so she will soon be bald and stupid.” Why do I need such a wife?

Scene “without being late”

Characters: student Masha and teacher Lidia Mikhailovna. Props - a beautiful gold or gilded chain.

The teacher is preparing to start the lesson; fashionista Masha enters the class.

- Mashenka, I want to praise you! – the teacher is delighted. - Are you in Lately You are very, very rarely late!

- Where should I go, Lydia Mikhailovna? – Mashenka answers, sighing heavily. My mother bought herself a gold chain from the latest fashion collection, and now whoever wakes up first puts it on! – Masha adds and shows the chain.

Characters: student Vovochka and teacher Natalya Nikolaevna. No props required.

The teacher checks the student's homework.

- Vovochka, I want to compliment you! – says Natalya Nikolaevna. – You performed very well in performing homework, you have excellent creative thinking!

- Thank you, Natalya Nikolaevna! - Vovochka thanks. Can I give you a compliment too?

- Well, of course you can! – Natalya Nikolaevna answers.

-Your nails are so long and beautiful! – Vovochka says, examining the hand. – You must be very comfortable climbing trees!

Scene "at the meeting"

Characters: the student’s mother, student Kostya and teacher Elena Petrovna. No props needed.

The teacher and mother scold Kostya.

- Kostya, remember, you promised to study well, and I promised to make you the head of the cultural sector? - asks the teacher.

- I remember, Elena Petrovna! - Kostya answers sadly.

- Do you remember, you promised me to study well, and I promised to buy you a bicycle? - asks mom.

“I remember, mommy...” Kostya says quietly.

- So why don’t you study for “A’s”? - asks both the teacher and mother.

- Well, if you don’t keep your promises, I don’t think it’s necessary to keep mine! – exclaims Kostya.