Most real contacts with other people in the initial period of communication are characterized precisely by uncertainty about how your partner treats you.
"Fake stranger" techniques. It consists of the following: at the first stage of the study, the preferences of the subject in relation to various objects are measured, at the second - he is presented with the results of measuring the attitudes of some other person towards the same objects. In reality, these data are fictitious; the “results” represent only one or another degree of approximation to the subject’s own attitudes. At the third stage of the work, the subject’s sympathy for the person who allegedly filled out the questionnaire is measured, and no additional information the respondent usually does not receive.
This allows us to conclude that there is a direct proportional relationship between the degree of similarity of attitudes and the level of sympathy.
But this pattern is valid only in those situations where there is actually no communication, it is at the “zero” stage. As soon as the real process of communication begins to develop, the patterns become sharply more complicated - similarity in attitudes that are important for the subject influences more than similarity in unimportant ones, coincidence in generalized attitudes has a stronger effect than in purely specific ones, etc. Direct dependence of sympathy on the degree of similarity attitudes are also violated in cases where a person can object to the subject of dissimilar attitudes, can try to convince him, etc. What is more important is not the similarity of the attitudes themselves, but the coincidence of the method of their justification, for example, pragmatic or ethical.
The principle of similarity is also violated when a person has already formed a negative attitude towards an object - the similarity of attitudes here only reduces sympathy when the object is more successful than the subject in some significant activity and in a number of other cases.
However, despite the serious limitations of the principle of similarity, in most cases it still works - information obtained in one way or another about the similarity of one’s views and the views of another person contributes to the emergence of sympathy for this person. What could be the reason for this dependence?
First of all, we need to check the possibility of a reverse influence of sympathy on the similarity of attitudes, real or perceived. Indeed, a good attitude towards a person leads to the fact that he is assigned attitudes similar to his own. It is also shown that in the process of communication, if there is a positive emotional relationship in a couple, the systems of attitudes of two people, as a rule, come closer.
However, this dependence does not negate the fact that the initial similarity of the attitudes of two people contributes to the emergence of sympathy between them.
The relationship between sympathy and similarity of attitudes can be explained from the point of view of social comparison theory by the desire to verify one’s views. In addition, the similarity of attitudes on a number of positions, discovered in the initial period of communication, can serve as the basis for predicting the behavior and reactions of another person - the similarity recorded under time pressure, even on unimportant issues, is extrapolated to other, more important aspects of life , serves as a kind of signal of the presence of agreement on a wide range of problems of fundamental importance for the subject. Finally, the discussed relationship may be due to the influence of a third variable. Such a variable can be the characteristics of the environment in which the communication process develops - spatial proximity, belonging to the same subculture, etc. Similarity of views leads to the choice of the same environment, while the commonality of the environment stimulates the growth of sympathy.
Another class of properties of the subject and object of sympathy are personality properties. According to some researchers, just as in the case of attitudes, similarity plays a positive role; according to others, the complementarity of the needs of the sphere or the relationship called the principle of complementation is more important, i.e. the focus on those personal characteristics that are weakly expressed in subject (for example, a timid person will especially sympathize with a brave one).
In general, the influence of the correlation of personal characteristics, which is very important in subsequent stages of communication in the first period, has a rather weak effect on emotional relationships. Apparently, the degree of influence in the initial period is determined, among other things, by the ability to quickly recognize a particular property. In this sense, personal characteristics seem to be the least accessible, attitudes are more open, and the most easily identifiable socio-demographic characteristics of an object are its class and ethnicity. It is no coincidence that similarity in these characteristics plays a significant role in the emergence of sympathy.
Thus, in most cases, sympathy arises according to the principle of similarity. The reasons for such a large influence of similarity on sympathy are still not completely clear.
The preference for criteria that are similar in the maximum number of criteria may be associated with the desire to “guarantee” a good attitude from a partner. In addition, a similar person is more understandable and therefore predictable. It can be assumed that the preference for similar people is associated with the desire to ensure psychological safety and comfortable communication.
Sometimes we desperately want to know if the man we like is interested in us. Alas, the myth that representatives of the stronger sex literally “take things unceremoniously” is greatly exaggerated. We are all different, regardless of gender, and where one directly expresses his sympathy, the second will fall into a stupor at the sight of the object of his adoration.
Therefore, it is impossible to equate the actions of each man with the only correct and “supposed” ones.
How to identify a man in love?
Needless to say that many of them simply cannot express their sympathy verbally, due to certain circumstances?
However, there are also non-verbal manifestations of sympathy and interest on the part of a person, which are easy to “count”, knowing what exactly they mean. Gestures of sympathy from men to women are diverse, and if you want to know everything about them, we will be happy to tell you how to identify a “male” in love in a company!
It is generally known that the manifestations of a woman’s love are quite colorful - a beautiful lady literally “blooms”, a light blush appears on her cheeks, and her eyes shine with happiness. Some women even lose a lot of weight during the period of falling in love and infatuation with a certain man! But what is male sympathy based on external “symptoms”?
It turns out that a man’s passion can also manifest itself externally, and quite clearly and specifically, which cannot be ignored with due attention. If you have a suspicion that someone has fallen in love with you, or you want to recognize this on the part of a certain person, we will be happy to tell you about non-verbal signs of a man's sympathy for a woman!
Gestures, glances, facial expressions
A person in love has quite a hard time hiding his sympathies, and this is no secret to anyone. When we feel that we really like someone, we experience something like euphoria, elation, inner harmony. Of course, all this is difficult to “mask” from prying eyes. Men behave almost the same way as we do. Therefore, there are many signs of sympathy on the part of a man that are easily recognized "with the naked eye".
What can give away a person interested in your attention?
1. Look
A man in love always looks at his new passion in a special way. If there was a whole crowd of pretty girls among him, he would single out her. Often his gaze becomes especially intent, even, if I may say so, “obsessed.” When you respond in kind, a man usually looks away.
When a man in love looks at you, his eyes seem to “shine”; you can see in them the very “sparks” that they write about in women’s magazines. Thanks to her innate intuition, a woman simply cannot lose sight of this;
2. Gait
Another change occurs in gait. She becomes light, as if flying, or even dancing. Often a man begins to hum tunes and whistle. Which, you see, is completely uncharacteristic for typical representatives the stronger sex in everyday life;
3. Attitude and worldview
A guy in love changes radically before the eyes of others. He becomes more cheerful, active, "easy going".
He is in high spirits and in a cheerful mood. They say that in this state he is able to “move mountains,” and this statement is completely justified.
By the way, it is during the period of falling in love that men often commit adventurous and reckless acts that are completely unexpected for them. They can perform specific feats, causing great surprise and bewilderment on the part of the people around them;
4. Gestures
Still in children's "encyclopedias for girls" it was said that an interested young man always points his toe towards the object of desire. And this is true - a man always turns his foot to where his beloved is standing. Moreover, it is important not to make a mistake here - if you witness other signs of a man’s hidden sympathy for a woman, but his sock is not directed in your direction, accordingly, he is not sending them to you at all.
When he encounters you, he tries to prettify himself - he touches his hair, straightens his tie, shakes off "invisible dust" from clothes. Another important “symptom” of strong interest is putting your thumbs behind the belt of your trousers in the front, as if the man is about to expose her. Moreover, this gesture is purely instinctive and uncontrollable, because in nature the male always tries to demonstrate his genitals to the female in order to indicate his obvious superiority over his rivals.
Another similar “natural” gesture is placing your hands in your trouser pockets with your thumbs up. Thus, a man tries to show his determination, will, strength of character;
5. Posture
If a man is in love, he tries to show the object of his sympathy all his “power” and “strength” that is given to him by nature. He stands straight, straightens his shoulders, as if trying to demonstrate the width of his back. Often holds his hands on his hips and spreads his legs wide, as if showing off his physical characteristics. When talking, he turns his whole body to his beloved and listens very carefully to what she says.
In contrast to female signs of sympathy for a man, the second expresses his disposition more “cautiously.” If a woman, in the presence of her newfound hero, often begins to stammer, speak out of place and simply talk outright nonsense, the man tries to seem more balanced, strong and smart to her. After all, by nature he is a male, which means he does not have such weaknesses!
Colleague: how to recognize signs of his affection for you?
It happens that a lonely, young, promising, and also very attractive employee appears in the team, who immediately becomes a “target” for women. Things often end « office romance» , if a certain girl recognizes his signals of sympathy towards her in time.
Male colleague: what are his signs of sympathy for you?
Signs of sympathy are multifaceted and varied, and in your case it is important to evaluate them in combination. You cannot rely on only one signal, considering it the only correct one. And then, do not forget that the guy theoretically may have other objects of attention, interest in which he involuntarily has to express in your company.
Be wise and weigh all non-verbal signs of sympathy correctly!
Find out how it can manifest itself sympathy between man and woman!
Shyness is not a feeling that helps a relationship begin. It is often difficult for us to understand what emotions experiences an object of sympathy and desire towards us. It is very difficult to guess or feel someone else's soul. Sometimes even fairly close and dear people cannot cope with this, let alone strangers. This is especially true for those who deep down dream of growing acquaintance into a good long-term relationship. But before you think about starting a relationship with anyone, you need to find out whether the guy you like really shows special interest in you. The following tips will help you understand what signs guys can give so that you can regard them as the first sign of interest.
There are many signs that characterize ways of expressing sympathy between a guy and a girl. You just need to detect them correctly. If you are able to understand and support them in time, then your chances of continuation of acquaintance increase several times. After all, men often hide their timidity under apparent bravado. Sometimes they are afraid to take the first step in the absence of visible feedback signals coming from the girl they like. And it’s not typical for girls to flirt without full confidence that a guy will show keen interest in her.
And how in this case determine a possible expression of sympathy?
It should immediately be noted that there is hidden and overt sympathy. The latter is much easier to notice than the first, which will require some effort to identify.
First of all, it arises between a guy and a girl sympathy manifests itself in the gaze. The expression that the eyes are the mirror of the soul is appropriate here. Therefore, in the eyes you can read everything a person experiences. feelings and emotions towards you. All that remains is to learn to read; you can learn these lessons on your own, but it is much more effective to do it on women's trainings, in effective practical classes..
Hidden sympathy may manifest itself in a timid glance thrown by a man in your direction from time to time. Many factors can influence the frequency of glances. The most important thing is to detect the fact that your person has been examined. Agree, it’s hard not to notice when his eyes scan you. When you try to catch his eye, you will most likely see him look away or blush slightly. However, it’s difficult to resist here, and for a moment you can see how a timid glance rises to you again. The guy will strive to find constant contact with you. You will notice that he will try to stay close to you so that at the opportunity he can exchange a few words or be able to admire you unnoticed.
Manifestation open sympathy also expressed in the gaze. The only difference is that this look will be much bolder and more persistent. In addition, in his gaze there will be a clear call for dialogue and a silent answer. In his eyes you can read the following: “Do you like me? Maybe we’ll get to know each other better?” like this sympathy gives a more daring and appraising look, which seems to be feeling your figure, stopping for a long time on some parts. In the eyes of the object of sympathy, one can read approval of your forms. Of course, not every girl will like such open views. After all, they are perceived as obscene, it seems to her that the guy is able to see in her only object of sexual desire. However, for men, this is just a signal emanating from the subconscious, calling a man to evaluate his chosen one from all sides. It is quite easy to identify a man by his gaze. If he looks at a girl he likes, his pupils will immediately dilate and any manifestations of irony, negativity or aggression will immediately disappear. IN male gaze slips tenderness and affection.
However, the gaze is not the only weapon of women and men, with the help of which it becomes possible to express their own interest in the opposite sex. How else can you find out if there is a chance to make a guy or a mature man fall in love with you? How to understand who is interested in you?
Another way is sign language, with which you can recognize and evaluate any person without talking, just by observing his postures. Women have a richer range of nonverbal signs of attention compared to men. Expression of sympathy manifests itself in a banal desire to look good in the presence of the desired object.
There is another unconscious movement that can give a man away. This is attracting the girl’s attention to the main “sense organ” of the male. And these are just instincts, and not a desire to quickly get you into bed.
Another obvious gesture that speaks of male interest is a special stance, when the hands rest on the sides, the body is directed towards the girl, as if aiming at the object of sympathy.
And, of course, a smile is a powerful weapon for both sexes. A smile doesn't always mean sympathy, because some use it to win over a person for further benefit. There is also a series of smiles, indicating a negative attitude towards the person.
Even the voice can give away a carried away man. However, this will be expressed in a change in the voice of the man who is nearby at the time of the conversation. When addressing a girl, his timbre will change, and his speech will have melodious notes as his voice turns velvety.
If you try a little, then sympathy It's pretty easy to tell between a guy and a girl. Its manifestation may consist in interested timid glances or eloquent gestures. The most important thing is to understand the man’s call in time and respond. This will allow you to outgrow your sympathy in serious and strong relationships. I want to get married, women's training, how to make a guy fall in love with you
Probably every woman would like to understand the “secret” non-verbal signs of a man in love. When a person is excited, irritated, upset or passionate, his body sends certain signals. You just need to be able to recognize them. Psychologists say that it is not so difficult. From the first seconds you can tell a lot about internal state person. This will be immediately noticeable by his facial expression, gestures and even posture. What signs indicate that a man likes you?
- U interested man the gaze will move from head to toe or linger on certain parts of your body. The more dilated the pupils are, the more he likes you. If during a dialogue a man looks you straight in the eyes and does not make unnecessary gestures, then most likely you are just an interesting interlocutor.
- Our eyebrows are always slightly raised when we are happy to see a person, and frowned if we are not interested in the person. When the interlocutor moves his eyebrows, he is lying.
- If during a conversation your interlocutor tilts his head to the right or left, nods in time with your words, then he is clearly interested in what you are talking about. If not, perhaps he is not interested not only in your story, but also in you.
- The wider a person smiles at you, the more he likes you. Quick, slightly nervous smiles, pursing of lips and any other asymmetrical movements of the lips are a sign that a man is experiencing discomfort.
- If a man is sexually attracted to you, he will constantly bite his lips or tap his finger on them.
- Mechanically stroking eyebrows or hair are also non-verbal signs of a man in love and they mean interest in you. Rubbing his chin - on the contrary, he is bored with you, and maybe even annoyed.
- Every man is afraid of being rejected. Therefore, in addition to sympathy and interest, he may experience uncertainty, awkwardness and anxiety. To relieve internal tension, a man begins to sway, rub his face, rock on a chair, fiddle with buttons or a tie. If a man shows signs of obvious confusion in your presence, he is not indifferent to you.
- Copying actions can also indicate attraction. For example, you take a glass - so does he, you touched your ear or hair - and he did the same.
- When a man is attracted to you, he wants to touch you. Therefore, he will try to be as close to you as possible or imitate a hug: lean on the railing or the back of a chair behind you. The most harmless touch is, of course, a handshake. You can also learn something from it. If a man extends his hand to you, palm up, he is unconsciously acknowledging your will over him. If he clasps your palm with both hands, it means he expresses sincerity and trust. An imperceptible handshake is a reluctance to close the distance.
- Unconsciously, at the sight beautiful woman, the man begins to preen himself. He automatically sucks in his stomach, straightens his shoulders, straightens his hair, jacket and tie. And even his gait suddenly becomes light and athletic.
- An excited young man will try to get your attention. At this moment, his gestures and facial expressions will become more expressive, and his speech will become faster than usual.
- The most obvious sign from a man is his hands on his belt or hips, his legs spread wide apart. In this case, he is clearly attracted to you. This also includes such a gesture as unfastening a bracelet, taking off glasses, or taking out cufflinks.
If you notice the non-verbal signs of a man in love and think that he liked you, but still have a little doubt about your guesses, try experimenting. You can approach him and see his reaction, whether he will do the same or move a little further. When greeting or saying goodbye, extend your hand to him first and smile. A man may not understand non-verbal language, but his facial expressions and gestures will involuntarily reveal his emotions. You should also not consider each sign separately. Consider everything together, including his behavior, words and attitude towards you.
There are also gestures that indicate a person’s indifference and complete indifference. A man who does not want to make contact will behave as follows: often turn away, cover his ears with his palms. Look anywhere: at the ceiling, clock, hands, but not at you. Hidden palms, crossed arms or legs are a sign not in your favor. When the interlocutor is not interested in the conversation, he can be given away by such nonverbal gestures as: shifting eyes, fidgeting in the chair. Even the ends of shoes can be directed towards the doors.
The ability to understand the non-verbal signs of a man in love opens up many opportunities. Research shows that a person's facial expressions and behavior provide five times more information about a person than words. Therefore, knowledge of sign language helps to better understand each other and communicate without words necessary information. With its help, you can easily establish relationships with people, including those of the opposite sex.
3. Correlation of properties between the subject and object of sympathy
Most real contacts with other people in the initial period of communication are characterized precisely by uncertainty about how your partner treats you.
"Fake stranger" techniques. It consists of the following: at the first stage of the study, the preferences of the subject in relation to various objects are measured, at the second - he is presented with the results of measuring the attitudes of some other person towards the same objects. In reality, these data are fictitious; the “results” represent only one or another degree of approximation to the subject’s own attitudes. At the third stage of the work, the subject’s sympathy for the person who allegedly filled out the questionnaire is measured, and the respondent usually does not receive any additional information.
This allows us to conclude that there is a direct proportional relationship between the degree of similarity of attitudes and the level of sympathy.
But this pattern is valid only in those situations where there is actually no communication, it is at the “zero” stage. As soon as the real process of communication begins to develop, the patterns become sharply more complicated - similarity in attitudes that are important for the subject influences more than similarity in unimportant ones, coincidence in generalized attitudes has a stronger effect than in purely specific ones, etc. Direct dependence of sympathy on the degree of similarity attitudes are also violated in cases where a person can object to the subject of dissimilar attitudes, can try to convince him, etc. What is more important is not the similarity of the attitudes themselves, but the coincidence of the method of their justification, for example, pragmatic or ethical.
The principle of similarity is also violated when a person has already formed a negative attitude towards an object - the similarity of attitudes here only reduces sympathy when the object is more successful than the subject in some significant activity and in a number of other cases.
However, despite the serious limitations of the principle of similarity, in most cases it still works - information obtained in one way or another about the similarity of one’s views and the views of another person contributes to the emergence of sympathy for this person. What could be the reason for this dependence?
First of all, we need to check the possibility of a reverse influence of sympathy on the similarity of attitudes, real or perceived. Indeed, a good attitude towards a person leads to the fact that he is assigned attitudes similar to his own. It is also shown that in the process of communication, if there is a positive emotional relationship in a couple, the systems of attitudes of two people, as a rule, come closer.
However, this dependence does not negate the fact that the initial similarity of the attitudes of two people contributes to the emergence of sympathy between them.
The relationship between sympathy and similarity of attitudes can be explained from the point of view of social comparison theory by the desire to verify one’s views. In addition, the similarity of attitudes on a number of positions, discovered in the initial period of communication, can serve as the basis for predicting the behavior and reactions of another person - the similarity recorded under time pressure, even on unimportant issues, is extrapolated to other, more important aspects of life , serves as a kind of signal of the presence of agreement on a wide range of problems of fundamental importance for the subject. Finally, the discussed relationship may be due to the influence of a third variable. Such a variable can be the characteristics of the environment in which the communication process develops - spatial proximity, belonging to the same subculture, etc. Similarity of views leads to the choice of the same environment, while the commonality of the environment stimulates the growth of sympathy.
Another class of properties of the subject and object of sympathy are personality properties. According to some researchers, just as in the case of attitudes, similarity plays a positive role; according to others, the complementarity of the needs of the sphere or the relationship called the principle of complementation is more important, i.e. the focus on those personal characteristics that are weakly expressed in subject (for example, a timid person will especially sympathize with a brave one).
In general, the influence of the correlation of personal characteristics, which is very important in subsequent stages of communication in the first period, has a rather weak effect on emotional relationships. Apparently, the degree of influence in the initial period is determined, among other things, by the ability to quickly recognize a particular property. In this sense, personal characteristics seem to be the least accessible, attitudes are more open, and the most easily identifiable socio-demographic characteristics of an object are its class and ethnicity. It is no coincidence that similarity in these characteristics plays a significant role in the emergence of sympathy.
Thus, in most cases, sympathy arises according to the principle of similarity. The reasons for such a large influence of similarity on sympathy are still not completely clear.
The preference for criteria that are similar in the maximum number of criteria may be associated with the desire to “guarantee” a good attitude from a partner. In addition, a similar person is more understandable and therefore predictable. It can be assumed that the preference for similar people is associated with the desire to ensure psychological safety and comfortable communication.
Conclusion
At the first stages of the development of emotional relationships, sympathy is positively influenced by the similarity of socio-demographic characteristics and the proximity of the systems of social attitudes and value orientations of two people. The greatest influence is exerted by the proximity of views on fundamental and generalized subjects for both subjects. Various options The relationships between the personal properties of partners have a contradictory and not fully understood effect on sympathy. Sympathy for people similar to oneself and, accordingly, choosing them as communication partners are conservative in nature and may be a consequence of the desire to ensure psychological safety. In subjects who feel psychologically comfortable, the principle of similarity is violated; they are able to feel sympathy for people who differ from them in socio-demographic characteristics and hold views different from their own.
Analyzing all of the above, we can say that, despite extensive research, there is still no generally accepted theory, a unified understanding of the problem. The diversity of points of view indicates the undeveloped nature of this concept and the complexity of its study. Researchers are faced with the task of creating a unified theory of sympathy, analyzing its function in human life, and studying the process of formation.
The development of various problems of sympathy will help solve many practical problems: will facilitate the interaction of people with each other, increase the efficiency of managing social groups, and improve the technique of psychotherapy.
The problem of sympathy is also important not only in psychological, but also in pedagogical aspects. Understanding it will make it possible to better understand the relationship between a person’s personality and his emotional sphere.
List of used literature
1. Gozman L. Ya. Theoretical premises and methods for studying interpersonal attraction: Author's abstract. dis. ...cand. psychol. Sciences/MSU named after. M. V. Lomonosov. Psycho. fact. -- M., 1983.
2. Gozman L Ya. Psychology of emotional relations. - M.: Moscow State University Publishing House, 1987.
3. Gavrilova T.P. The concept of empathy in foreign psychology. // Questions of psychology - 1975. - No. 2.
4. Gippenreiter Yu. B., Karyagina T. D., Kozlova E. N. The phenomenon of congruent empathy // Questions of psychology 1993. No. 4.
5. Ilyin E. P. Emotions and feelings St. Petersburg: Peter, 2007
6. Pashukova T.I. About the mechanisms of empathy and some of its mental correlates. // Questions of psychology of interpersonal cognition and communication. - Krasnodar, 1983.
7. Rogers K. Empathy. // On Sat. Psychology of emotions. Texts. - M., 1984. - P. 235-237.
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