Fear is considered a natural human state - a defensive reaction healthy body to certain stimuli. In fact, fears protect us from danger and many risks. Which means they are useful to some extent. But, if adults have learned long years control their fears and interact with them, then children are not protected by knowledge from unknown and frightening things. Therefore, it is important for literate parents to learn to promptly distinguish between moments when the body’s natural reaction threatens to develop into obsession or even a phobia.

Types of fears in children 4-6 years old

Conventionally, children's fears can be divided into two types: real And fantasy.

Real fears

Real ones include those that have a completely understandable reason:

These fears are typical both for children aged two to three years, and for children four to six - they accompany several age periods.

Fantasy fears

At three or four years old, a child actively develops abstract thinking, which causes the appearance of another type of fear: fantasy fears. This group is born from the imagination of children. This includes:

Reasons for real fears and how to respond to them

Let's take a closer look at the main childhood fears in children from 4 to 6 years old and try to figure out what adults need to do about it. Provided a competent approach and adequate support from parents, in the absence of conflicts in the family, children's fear is overcome quite quickly.

1. Fear of animals and insects

For some children, the fear of insects or animals is relevant.

What to do?

In such cases, it is recommended to change the baby’s emotional state - from frightening to interested. For example, go out into the field with him, find a spider there, and put it on your palm. After this, you should explain to your child that the spider is completely open in front of you, is not up to anything and, on the contrary, is more vulnerable than people.

Telling interesting stories about animals and insects that your baby is afraid of can arouse curiosity on his part. The more the baby knows about the subject of his fear, the faster he will get rid of fear.

In the case of a dog, you also need to create a favorable background around the animal. Never yell at your child or intimidate him because the dog might bite or infect him with something. Explain to your child that it is forbidden to pet a dog without the owner’s permission and that it is better to establish first contacts with the animal from a distance so as not to scare it away.

Look through books and encyclopedias about animals, visit exhibitions, and demonstrate how to safely interact with insects and animals by your own example.

2. Fear of white coats

This fear is closely related to the fear of pain. An injection given by a person in a medical cap and a white coat, or an examination with unpleasant instruments leaves a child with an association with unpleasant sensations for a long time. Children begin to be terrified of doctors, and this fear is much stronger and more dangerous than the pain itself caused by the procedure.

What to do?

To reduce the fear of people in white coats, a few days before going to the clinic, tell your child about the doctor’s work. Play doctor with him, using as many special medical instruments as possible: listen to him, examine the oral cavity, and perform other possible manipulations. Be sure to switch roles with him.

When communicating with the doctor and nurse from the treatment room, be courteous and polite, watch your emotions: smile kindly, behave at ease - the child should see your calmness and confidence that nothing threatens him.

If you visited the dentist or vaccination office, do not forget to praise your baby for his patience and courage, even if his condition was the opposite. After leaving the clinic, try to immediately switch the baby’s attention to other objects: tell him interesting story, a fairy tale.

3. Fear of loud noises

One of the innate fears of humans is the fear of sharp sounds. Nature is designed in such a way that a loud sound is a symbol of danger. In addition, loud sounds contribute to overstrain of brain cells and lead to disruption in the functioning of some organs. Therefore, the instinct of self-preservation makes the child flinch at sharp shouts, roar, or grinding of machines.

What to do?

If your baby suddenly bursts into tears due to thunder or other sudden noise, you should stand next to him, hug him and let him know that you can protect him, he is safe next to you. Do not laugh at him, do not shame him, otherwise he will begin to hide his fear from you, but he is unlikely to be able to cope with it on his own.

It is best to start games with different sounds: from quiet to loud. A metallophone and ringing metal spoons are suitable for practicing. Go to a noisy place together children's party or a fun ride where everyone squeals, screams and jumps. The joyful noise will gradually accustom the baby to loud sounds.

4. Fear of strangers

Fear of strangers arises in infancy and has quite obvious roots. It is formed at the physiological level - the baby subconsciously begins to sense danger in a stranger. At the same time, he withdraws, lowers his head and hides behind a loved one.

If parents behave correctly, fear usually goes away by the age of three or four. But, if socialization at this age has not begun, it is worth paying special attention to the problem. Otherwise, the situation threatens to lower the child’s self-esteem and negatively affect further communication with peers.

What to do?

Since fear in this case goes hand in hand with shyness, parents need to take the first steps themselves. For example, approach children on the playground with your child who are already communicating with each other. Talk to them, introduce them to your child. You should visit children's centers and developmental classes more often, and visit friends who have children of the same age.

If the baby is afraid to be alone with another adult, for example, with a nanny, you need to take a little more time to get to know each other. In order for the child to get used to strangers, the three of them need to spend some time together. As soon as the baby begins to trust the new person, contact him first, you can safely leave them alone.

5. Fear of loneliness

The fear of being left without a mother for a long time is considered a common fear among children. In no case should he be mistaken for spoiled behavior or unreasonable whims. The fear of losing your mother is quite natural and requires a delicate approach.

What to do?

Always explain to your child when you will be back. For example: - “After you sleep and eat your afternoon snack.” It is recommended to make such approvals regular. In this case, you should not only negotiate kindly with the baby, but also fulfill your promises in a timely manner.

6. Fear of the dark and nightmares

One of the important childhood fears is the fear of the dark. The baby’s imagination develops rapidly, giving him monsters, scary characters from cartoons, fairy tales, books, hidden in the closet or under the bed.

What to do?

The main condition for combating the fear of the dark and fictional characters is a calm psychological atmosphere in the house. Under no circumstances should you scold a child for being afraid or throw indifferent phrases like this: “There’s nothing scary there.”

Reassure your child that he is completely safe. To do this, leave the door to his room open, buy a funny children's night light.

Offer to draw or sculpt someone he is afraid of, then give the hero a comic look and laugh at him together.

Come up with an interesting fairy tale with a scary character from a child's imagination, ending it positively. Your hero should gradually turn into a good friend and assistant.

Make it a rule before going to bed to calmly talk with your child in his room, read books, listen to calm music together. Physical contact and gentle words are appropriate.

7. Claustrophobia

The fear of the dark has something in common with the fear of enclosed spaces. The child may not voice the problem and the parents notice it themselves, closing the door to his room in the evening, or getting stuck in the elevator with him. Frequent manifestations of claustrophobia are accompanied by panic attacks and dizziness. Children can run to their parents in the middle of the night and start crying.

This obsessive fear occurs more often in the only child in the family who has limitations in communicating with peers. It especially affects children who receive excessive amounts of affection and love.

What to do?

First of all, the child in such a situation should be calmed down and taught to breathe evenly. Scolding someone for what you think is an unmotivated fear is strictly prohibited. You can’t do the opposite and lock him in the room.

Games aimed at overcoming the stiffness that arises in a confined space can be effective. For example, a specialist in the field of child psyche A.I. Zakharov offers the psychological game “Penetration and exit from the circle.”

The essence of the game is that adults and children stand in a circle, clasp their hands and close their eyes. At the same time, they declare out loud that no one will be able to penetrate their circle - they carefully guard it and there is no place for any daredevils there. This phrase itself subconsciously incites the child to fall into the circle. Players walk outside the circle and try to slip unnoticed under one of the pairs of hands. The one who slipped into the middle loudly claps his hands and everyone opens their eyes in surprise. The second part of the game involves the same way out of the circle.

8. Fear of punishment

Even the most harmless punishment of a child can lead to unexpected consequences. Thanks to measures to lock a naughty baby in a dark room, closet or other place with little light, he may develop several fears at once: fear of confined spaces, darkness, loneliness, the appearance of nightmares in his sleep.

In addition, such punishments break the child’s psychological connection with adults; he feels alienated by his parents, which in the future can lead to problems in marriage for an adult.

What to do?

It is worth remembering that any mistake of a child is, first of all, a parental omission in upbringing. And that means you need to punish yourself, not him. Any reproach should always be expressed in the form of love for the baby. Otherwise, he will begin to associate the evil mother with Baba Yaga from a fairy tale, and his father with the Serpent Gorynych, which will give rise, in addition to the above fears, also fantasy ones. You can read more about this type of fear in the article “Fear fairy-tale heroes and fictional characters."

Causes of fantasy fears and how to respond to them

Waking up after a good sleep, adults can remain for some time in sweet euphoria, without separating dreams from reality. At such a moment, it is easy for them to understand children 4-6 years old, who are under the influence of their own rich imagination almost all day long. Computer games, fairy tales, and cartoons populate the world of children with fictional characters, and sometimes even entire corporations of monsters.

1. Fear of fictional characters

A particularly impressionable child, while watching a children's show, a cartoon, or after reading a scary fairy tale, may become frightened of an evil hero and “revive” him in his imagination at any time of the day.

A big role in this is played by parents, who with enhanced artistry convey the images of a wolf, the mythical Babai or Baba Yaga. Some adults go even further - they scare the child with the fact that there is some evil that can take a naughty child from his parents even without their knowledge.

What to do?

The fear of fictional heroes is closely intertwined with the fear of punishment. Therefore, first of all, you need to completely eliminate the manipulation of scary heroes in your own interests when you want to achieve impeccable behavior from your little ones. Such intimidation can make his psyche unstable for a long time and in the distant future there is a risk of encountering real neuroses.

It's best to come up with a fairy tale in which a scary main character becomes kind and begins to help everyone.

Art therapy is appropriate. That is, evil can be drawn as funny as possible and make it vulnerable to the baby. For example, dress up a wolf as a fireman and send him to save people, and present Baba Yaga as a comical and good-natured old woman.

As soon as a child voices his fear and talks about it with an adult, in most cases the fear recedes almost immediately. Therefore, it is so important to simply talk with the baby in a calm environment and convince him of complete safety.

2. Fear of nightmares

Children become the most vulnerable at night, when no adults are around. Fear of nightmares is one of the most common fears in children 4-6 years old. Unfortunately, it does not come alone, but complete with a fear of the dark, loneliness and closed spaces.

What to do?

Excitement before a bad dream is dangerous in itself. In such cases, parents should remember to use a night light, a slightly open door and calm conversations before putting the baby to bed.

It is appropriate to come up with magic words that will play the role of protection, to allow you to take your favorite toy.

A mother's gentle touch, a relaxing massage, a kiss before bed are the best ways to convince a baby that he is loved, and therefore protected.

What is important to consider when dealing with fears?

1. Love, warmth, and sincere participation of parents in solving problems with fears in half of the cases eliminate fear in the bud.
2. You cannot scold and go from the opposite direction - forcing the child to overcome fear by force. Only a gentle explanation and encouragement of situations where the child manages to cope with fear on his own initiative will help.
3. You should not expect a quick effect. Combating fear is a painstaking process that requires great moral commitment from parents.
4. If something doesn’t work out for you and your baby’s fear develops into a phobia, be sure to consult a specialist.

Best of all: create a safe environment at home. A child should always see a confident father and a gentle, caring mother. Then there will be no place for fears in his life for long.

Video

Childhood fears. How to teach children to cope with fears? Parenting. Mom's school

Today we will talk about children’s fears from 0 to 3 years old, and also analyze what the children of our forum members are so afraid of, with a practicing psychologist, family consultant and leader of trainings on parent-child relationships Maria Karaseva. Thank you for the requests we have received from readers.

At the age of 0 to 3 years, a child actively learns about the surrounding reality. But when faced with new objects that surround him, he may experience excitement and anxiety at the same time. In most cases (with proper support from parents and their adequate reaction), children quickly overcome negative emotional experiences.

Example 1. Fear of a new environment (unfamiliar objects and people)

This fear can manifest itself in the form of sharp emotional reactions of children to a stranger or an unfamiliar object. Often these fears are classified by parents as irrational, since parents, reasoning logically, do not see anything frightening for the child in these objects (people). For example, a child may be afraid of cobwebs, feathers, leaves, playground coverage, fallen petals, or anything at all. There are several reasons for this - a child’s imagination or some situation that has cemented fear in relation to a given object. Thus, fear of a harmless object may be associated with a developed childhood fantasy, which complements the picture of its perception.

Parents from the outside may think that this is all fantasy. And yes, that's how it is. But these fantasies are associated with the child’s feelings and emotions. Therefore, it is important, especially for parents of sensitive, emotional and impressionable children, not to insist on introducing the child to this object. It is useless to explain to a child that the object is not scary and there is nothing threatening in it; this will most likely displace fear to an unconscious level. Then this fear will remain with the child for life.

In another case, when meeting a new object, a child might hear a loud sound and get scared. In fact, he was afraid of the sound (unexpected for him), but the fear was fixed on the object. For example, while walking, a flower petal fell into his field of interest, and at that time a dog ran past and barked loudly. You might not have noticed it, but the internal fear was transferred to the dog and became the fear of the petal.

Solution. Be sure to acknowledge the child’s fear (say: “I see you are scared,” “I see that you are scared”); give support to the child: “I can protect you”, “I will not let you be hurt”, “Let me hide you”; if there is an opportunity and the child already speaks well, then later, in a safe place for him, you can ask him about what exactly scared him; do not push the child to overcome fear and take him away from the place that forces him to come into contact with a scary object. Do not insist on overcoming fear under any circumstances.

Fear of strangers also manifests itself in a similar way. The basic need of children is the need for safety and protection. And this security is provided by the parents and, to a greater extent, of course, by the child’s mother, who is in constant contact with him. Strangers break into a child's world, coming into the house or on the street, and disrupt the sense of security. Especially when they begin to actively interact with the child (ask something, touch, stroke). Here, too, an unfamiliar bearded man may seem to a child like a scary giant who wants to eat him. And even if he is smiling and friendly, it may seem completely different to the child.

Often parents themselves provoke the emergence and intensification of this type of fear in children. For example, actively forcing the child to be friendly towards strangers. Or in a situation when a mother and child are walking down the street, and he is crying, a passing aunt (uncle) says: “Who is so capricious here, now I’ll take you with me.”

Solution. The parent’s reaction at such a moment should be the following: hold the child close to him, or even better, take him in his arms and tell him that you will not give him to anyone. The adult who, while passing by, created the situation should also respond that you will not give up your child. So that the child can understand that you will protect him in any situation that threatens him. In this case, the feeling of security will be restored.

Don't make fun of fear or call it "shyness." When other people, seeing how your child is hiding behind you, say to him: “Who is this bug here (silent, modest, etc.)?”, Do not play along with them, but answer that your child just needs time and redirect the attention of the adult, not the child. Tell him that your child does not like strangers touching him or offering him something. This will show your child that you want to protect him and that you are on his side. In these cases, the fear will pass by itself after some time (quickly enough) and will not remain inner world child, which means it will not bother him during adult life.

Example 2. Fear of water (sea, lake, bathing, etc.)

Fear of water in children can manifest itself in a very diverse range of behaviors and reactions. For example, children may be afraid of washing their hair (getting water in their eyes, ears, nose, face), while they are perfectly happy splashing around in the bath. Other children may be afraid of the shower (this may also include a fear of loud noises), but they also feel great just in the bath. There may be a fear of washcloths, soap, shampoo, foam, etc., and this is most likely due to the fear of unfamiliar objects - what I described above. A child may bathe in a calm bath, but be afraid, for example, if you start splashing or making waves.

This may also be associated with a fear of water, and this behavior will only manifest itself in the bath, in bodies of water, in a swimming pool, since in water there is a strong shift in the perception of one’s own body. There is a feeling of weightlessness that does not allow us to stand confidently on our feet and feel safe. Among other things, children's fear of water may be the result of parents also being afraid of water.

Solution. Acknowledge the child's fear; do not try to overcome it by force, persuasion, deception and manipulation. For example, a child is afraid of water getting into his eyes. Find an opportunity to close his eyes while washing his hair. Say: “I know that you are scared that water will get on your face (eyes, ears, etc.), let’s try to cover your eyes with a towel.” It’s good if someone helps you wash your child’s hair, then one parent will be able to cover that area of ​​the face that is important for the child. The other parent will wash their hair at this time. In these cases, you should wash your hair very carefully, slowly, taking breaks and being interested in the child’s well-being. You can ask: “Is everything okay? When do I do this to you, is it pleasant or unpleasant?”

Be patient, do not rush to wash and rinse your child’s hair (this will only increase fear). On the contrary, go slowly. We wet (soaped) a piece of our hair and took a break. You can invite your child to touch the shampoo in your hands. Not immediately turning it into foam. Pour it into your hand and show it to your child. Tell him it's shampoo and invite him to touch it. Then show him how he lathers in his hand, and offer to lather him in your hand. You can invite him to wash part of your hair (a strand), then rinse it off with a shower (or from a ladle). Then gradually transfer the same actions to his head. Help him soap part of his head with his own hand. All this is done only if the child does not resist. If you encounter resistance, then you need to change tactics, otherwise there is a possibility of developing fear.

When a child is afraid of the shower, you can prepare a basin of water and 2-3 days before you decide to change tactics, simply choose a time and play with water in this basin (outside the context of taking a shower). Show how water pours from a ladle into a basin. Let your child get used to these objects and play with them. All actions that you take must be voiced by you: “Let me pour some water on your hands. Look at the trickle running, touch it”, “Do you feel good when the stream runs down your arms?”, “Now let me pour it on your shoulder? On the right shoulder and on the left shoulder,” “Now let’s pour some water on your back.” All this should be said in a calm voice and accompanied by a friendly mood and smooth movements.

If the child does not like the washcloth (he is afraid of it), you can buy another one, preferably one that is completely different from the previous one, which scared him. It would be good if it was a different color and made of a different material. Encourage your child to interact with her outside the bathroom. It can become a toy or be used as an element of role-playing games. For example, act as a bed for a baby doll, etc. If the child does not accept it, do not insist. Then make a washcloth yourself from some folded fabric and also introduce it into a children's game.

Then, when the child gets used to it, you can take this washcloth and favorite toy into the shower and wash the “Lala” (baby, doll). Then gradually and step by step proceed to washing the child’s body and only then the head. There are devices (special visors) for washing your hair. Only when using them you need to remember that before you take them into the shower, the child must get used to them. Otherwise, it may become a new object of fear.

If you are afraid of bodies of water, you can recommend that parents do not rush their children to enter the water. By telling children: “Look how other kids are splashing around so well,” parents create in children a feeling of self-doubt (the feeling that they are not like other children). And this creates even greater fear, because it is better to be afraid than to be ashamed. Here, too, you should not act treacherously and quickly. Be patient and let your baby play in the sand. Then invite him to collect some water in a bucket (basin), etc. Then you can invite the child to go get water together (pick it up in a bucket).

Perhaps your child will agree, but when he reaches the water he will change his mind. Don't get angry and don't try to persuade him. Tell him that everything is fine, he can stand where he is comfortable, and go into the water yourself and get some water. This can happen several times, and at some point, if you don’t push and insist, and also rush the child, he will want to draw water himself. At this time, it is important to be there and help him with this. You can just hold his hand. So, time after time, you can cope with the fear of open water.

Example 3. Fear of pain (injections, medical workers, clinic)

Often children are afraid of doctors and just any people in white coats, injections, the clinic building itself, ambulances, etc. At the heart of these fears is the fear of pain. The experience of a child’s interaction with a clinic shows that it can be painful (if the child has ever had a blood test taken). In this regard, a completely natural reaction may be fear of this institution and everything connected with it. Parents, when taking their child to see a doctor, promise that it won’t hurt, or say nothing at all. As a result, the child stops trusting his mother and now experiences fear in any case related to the clinic.

Solution. It is necessary to separate the concepts in the child’s mind: clinic, tests (blood donation), examination by a doctor, ambulance, injections, etc. It would be good to choose a time and show your child that the clinic has different things - go there on a tour. Show where injections are done to keep children healthy. If the child asks for details, do not say that it does not hurt. To say that it is like being bitten by a mosquito. But then it goes away. If you yourself are afraid of doctors, injections, hospitals and the like, then this method may not help. After all, in order to show a child that it is not scary, you need to be confident in yourself about it.

If the child is already afraid of the building itself and avoids it, then time and patience will be required. To get started, just choose a day and find an opportunity to invite your child to go there, promising him that if he doesn’t want to, then you won’t go. Gradually walk towards the clinic, and if the child asks to return home, meet him halfway and do not insist. So, gradually, you will travel this path (not in one day) and restore the child’s trust in you. When the child is no longer afraid of the building itself and you can go there to see the doctor, it will be good if you tell him the truth.

For example, you need to go get tested, tell your child that you know that he is scared, but you will be next to him and will support him, feel sorry for him and kiss him, blow on his finger. Say that you were also afraid to donate blood and there are many children who are afraid. Explain why donate blood, what blood is and what it does in our body. Of course, the child in this situation will cry and resist. But he will know that you treat him honestly, do not deceive him, which means you can be trusted.

Example 4. Fear of loneliness (fear of being abandoned, losing a parent, getting lost)

I already described above that a sense of security is important for a child (and especially a small one). When the baby was in the mother's belly, it provided him with a feeling of comfort. Then he was born and is now physically separated from his mother, but still needs her very much. In this regard, when the mother moves away, the child may feel anxious and develop a fear of loneliness (fear that mom (dad) will leave, be lost, forgotten, etc.).

Solution. In order to minimize the manifestations of this fear, it is important to use the methods that I described in example 1 to help satisfy the child’s need for safety. It is also necessary to increase the number of physical contacts between mother and child - hugs, kisses, cuddling, rocking in arms, etc. If you go into another room and you know that your child is afraid of this, then invite him to go with you or at least talk to him from the room so that he hears you all the time and understands that you are nearby.

Very often this fear worsens in children when they have a younger brother or sister. This is due to the fact that the mother spends more time with the little one, and the older child may begin to develop a fear of loneliness, which is based on deep feelings that his parents no longer need him and they no longer love him.

Example 5. Fear of loud or unfamiliar sounds (rustling, hissing, drill, vacuum cleaner, screams, etc.)

As in the very first example, when faced with something new and unknown, a child may develop fear. So, a small child may not know that dogs bark loudly, that neighbors are doing repairs and that a drill can be working loudly, that a toy can make sharp sounds. If in one of the cases the child was unexpectedly frightened by a loud sound, there is a chance that he will be afraid of different sounds and be wary of any new sound objects.

For example, a child may be afraid of loud screams and feel very uncomfortable on the playground. The same applies to simply unusual sounds that a child hears for the first time in his life, and they can cause him discomfort, anxiety, excitement and fear (the rustling of foil, the sound of a hammer, the clinking of dishes, the noise of a vacuum cleaner, kettle, etc.) . For a child, these sounds represent uncertainty, and if there is no clarity (no understanding of where the sound comes from), then there is fear. Just strong loud sounds create a feeling of helplessness in the child and also lead to fear. Stories like this, when children are afraid to play with other children, may indicate this type of fear.

Solution. The first thing parents can do is remove the child from the traumatic situation. He is afraid of the vacuum cleaner - do not vacuum in front of it, sweep with a broom or simply wash the floor with a wet rag. He is afraid of the rustling of foil, do not take it out in front of him, replace it with a baking bag. Do not convince your child that it is not scary, because for him it looks completely different. If the sound is not made by you, but, for example, by a neighbor doing repairs, then take the child in your arms, hold him close to you, and try to distract him. Just hugs should not be very strong, because then they will just demonstrate to the child that there is danger. In this situation, you should calmly (and not anxiously) take the child and show that when you are nearby, he can feel safe. If at this time you are angry with your neighbor because of your own helplessness, then the child will feel your helplessness and will become even more scared.

Be prepared to take your child away from the playground during walks, as other children may look like a threat to your child. Here you need to give the child time, show by your behavior (you can also say in words) that as long as the child does not want to go for a walk (is afraid) and play with other children, you will not insist on this. This will restore his trust in you, and after some time you can return to the site. But if the child needs your protection or wants to leave there again, it is better to do so. By doing this, you will demonstrate your willingness to defend his interests and respect for his feelings. He will understand that in any critical situation you can give him a feeling of security from the threat.

Example 6. Fear of the dark (shadows, monsters, etc.)

Many children's fears are associated with a developed child's imagination. The fear of darkness in children, on the one hand, can be associated with the fear of loneliness (fear of losing mom), on the other hand, it can be associated with the fact that the child draws terrible pictures in his head in space. There may be a monster hidden under the bed, and the shadow on the wall is a fire-breathing dragon that feeds exclusively on small children. All these fears are very real in the minds of children. And our beliefs that they do not exist, and attempts to explain this to children only worsen the situation.

Solution. Invite your child to turn on the night light, leave a light in the hallway, and if necessary, also an overhead light. Before going to bed, do not rush to leave the room, sit with the child, pet him and tell him that you will protect him from all monsters (if he says that he is afraid). Tell them that you are sometimes afraid too, and tell them what helps you overcome your fear of the dark.

For example, tell me that when you see someone, you also imagine a magic knight who protects you. A child’s fantasy world can work wonders, and not only horror stories, but also magical heroes can be born there. But children, as a rule, don’t think about this, and it’s good if you show them that you can also create magic in an imaginary world. There you can even imagine a mother who comes and drives away all the monsters with a magic wand, pillow, vacuum cleaner, etc.

P.S.

It is important for parents to understand that children's fears, if not worked with, do not go away on their own, they simply move from the area of ​​conscious perception (where you see them in the child's behavior) to the unconscious area (where you no longer see them ) and continue to influence your child. In the future, these fears make themselves felt in a wide variety of ways - from a general level of constant anxiety, causeless worry, psychosomatic diseases (enuresis, stuttering, diarrhea, etc.) to disorders in the sphere of interpersonal communication.

For preventive purposes (to minimize the occurrence of fears in a child), we can recommend hugging the child more often, kissing him, talking about his love, keeping an eye on his emotional states, do not use an authoritarian and permissive style in education (punishment, threats, emotional indifference, ignoring the child’s needs, devaluing his emotional experiences, etc.). Observe the general atmosphere in the family, the kind of voice and what you say. Try to find moments where, while caring for the child’s safety, you, on the contrary, scare him.

All these measures will allow your child to feel calmer, and the calmer you are, the calmer your child will be. Because often parents are very afraid that their children will not overcome their own fear, and this makes the situation even worse. Please believe in your children and their capabilities. Listen to their feelings and respect their opinions.

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Consultation for kindergarten parents. Children's fears of children 4-5 years old and ways to deal with them.

Sharovarina Lyudmila Viktorovna, teacher of the MADOU MO "Kindergarten No. 113", Krasnodar.
Description of the material: I offer you a summary of a consultation for parents on the topic: “Children’s fears of children 4-5 years old and ways to deal with them.” This material will be useful to both educators and parents who have children 4-5 years old. Consultation on what fears children at this age struggle with and what methods can be used to overcome these fears.

There comes a period in a child’s life that we can call the transition from early childhood to preschool. During this period, the child begins to actively develop and begins to discover the world through communication with adults and peers.
During the period of 4-5 years, a child develops the most important indicator of personality development - self-esteem, which depends on active communication with the world around him and, first of all, with adults. The child begins to actively copy the behavior of his parents and older brothers and sisters, especially behavior that arouses interest among others.
This age is also characterized by the fact that the child’s imagination develops well - a wonderful soil for the emergence of fears.
Fear is considered a natural human state - a protective reaction of a healthy body to certain stimuli. All children are afraid of something. Oddly enough, children need many fears; this is a natural factor in development. But if adults have learned over many years to control their fears and interact with them, then children are not protected by knowledge from unknown and frightening things. Therefore, it is important for literate parents to learn to promptly distinguish between moments when the body’s natural reaction threatens to develop into obsession or even a phobia. The topic of children's fears and methods of struggle is much more serious than adults think. We say: “You’re already a big boy, aren’t you ashamed to be afraid of such a small dog (water, cars, a strict neighbor, etc.)?” - we often say, brushing aside the child’s “trifling” fears. Is it our fears: the health of loved ones, lack of money, a formidable boss, an unfulfilled quarterly plan...
But how a child experiences his childhood fears and methods of struggle in childhood largely determines how happy and confident he will grow up. And it is within the power of parents to help him.
And today we will look at the most characteristic fears for this age:

1. Fear of the dark:
One of the important childhood fears is the fear of the dark. The child's wild imagination develops rapidly and comes up with monsters, scary characters from cartoons, fairy tales, books, hidden in the closet or under the bed. monsters and monsters sitting under the bed, hiding in the closet or under the table. Personally, as a child, I was terribly afraid to lower my hand while lying in bed. It seemed to me that someone would pull her and drag her away. It's funny now, but back then it was scary.
The main condition for combating the fear of the dark and fictional characters is a calm psychological atmosphere in the house. Make it a rule before going to bed to calmly talk with your child in his room, read books, listen to calm music together. Physical contact and gentle words are appropriate. Under no circumstances should you scold a child for being afraid or throw indifferent phrases like this: “There’s nothing scary there.” You need to convince the child that he is completely safe. To do this, you can leave the door to his room open, you can buy a beautiful children's night light, you can also draw or sculpt someone he is afraid of, then give the hero a comic look and laugh at him together. You can also come up with a fairy tale with this monster, where he takes the role of a positive character and the ending in the fairy tale will be positive.

Another method of dealing with the fear of the dark is the “emotional swing” game. You and your baby run into a dark room; it will be even better if you accompany this with a cheerful whoop and also quickly run out. Thus, the baby, experiencing emotions from negative to positive, will eventually get rid of fear.

2. Cloutrophobia(fear of closed spaces).

Most often, this fear affects children who do not yet have any brothers or sisters, who have limitations in communicating with peers, and children who receive an excessive portion of affection and love also suffer from it.
The most important thing is that you cannot scold the child for this and you cannot do the opposite, i.e. lock him in the room alone. In a child's room, it is necessary to paste the walls in lighter colors, free up the space from unnecessary pieces of furniture, and do not close the door to his room at night.

A specialist in the field of child psyche A.I. Zakharov offers the psychological game “Penetration and exit from the circle.”
The essence of the game is that adults and children stand in a circle, clasp their hands and close their eyes. At the same time, they declare out loud that no one will be able to penetrate their circle - they carefully guard it and there is no place for any daredevils there. This phrase itself subconsciously incites the child to fall into the circle. Players walk outside the circle and try to slip unnoticed under one of the pairs of hands. The one who slipped into the middle loudly claps his hands and everyone opens their eyes in surprise. The second part of the game involves the same way out of the circle.
3. The child is afraid to sleep alone.

Psychologists explain that most likely your love is missing - he visits kindergarten, all kinds of clubs, sections, parents at work late - this is where the lack of attention arises. In order to overcome this fear, you can make repairs in the child’s room at his request, i.e. he can choose his own bed, bed linen, you can also hang posters of his favorite characters on the wall, and offer to take his favorite toy with him. Pay more attention to your baby. Every day, before going to bed, read a fairy tale together - this way the baby will feel protected, needed, loved. Don't be shy to tell him how much you love him, how much you missed him all day.

4. Fear of a man in a white coat.
We all understand perfectly well that this fear arises in a child after an injection, a person in a medical cap and a white coat, or an examination with unpleasant instruments, which leaves the child with an association with unpleasant sensations for a long time. Children begin to be terrified of doctors, and this fear is much stronger and more dangerous than the pain itself caused by the procedure.

To reduce this fear, you can tell your child about the doctor’s work. Play doctor with him, using as many special medical instruments as possible: listen to him, examine the oral cavity, and perform other possible manipulations. Be sure to switch roles with him.

When communicating with the doctor and nurse from the treatment room, be courteous and polite, watch your emotions: smile kindly, behave at ease - the child should see your calmness and confidence that nothing threatens him.
If you visited the dentist or vaccination office, do not forget to praise your baby for his patience and courage, even if his condition was the opposite. After leaving the clinic, try to immediately switch the baby’s attention to other objects: tell him an interesting story, a fairy tale.
5. Fear of punishment

Often adults do not even lay a finger on the child, but treat him too authoritatively and do not allow objections. Or they make excessive demands, and the fear of being rejected and unloved settles in the child’s soul, but for a child there is no worse punishment than this. Strict mom and dad control the child’s life by imposing bans on “anything and everything.” Thus, over time, the child is simply afraid to take an extra step, meet new peers on the playground, or play with a new toy.
Even the most harmless punishment of a child can lead to unexpected consequences. Thanks to measures to lock a naughty baby in a dark room, closet or other place with little light, he may develop several fears at once: fear of confined spaces, darkness, loneliness, the appearance of nightmares in his sleep.
In addition, such punishments break the child’s psychological connection with adults; he feels alienated by his parents, which in the future can lead to problems in marriage for an adult.
It is worth remembering that any mistake of a child is, first of all, a parental omission in upbringing. And that means you need to punish yourself, not him. Any reproach should always be expressed in the form of love for the baby. Otherwise, he will begin to associate the evil mother with Baba Yaga from a fairy tale, and his father with the Serpent Gorynych, which will give rise, in addition to the above fears, also fantasy ones.
To overcome the fear of punishment - of course, provided that the parents change their behavior - outdoor games are shown. (eg: Fifteen, Blind Man's Bluff).
Game: “Angry Duckling” It is very useful to gradually remove emotional inhibition by acting out pantomime scenes with the child in which he will play the role of an angry character. For example, a duckling (it’s not difficult to transform into one; if you stretch your lips forward, you’ll get a funny duck’s beak). Let the baby show how the duckling is angry, and then figure out who he is angry with. Naturally, the show should be accompanied by cheers and applause from adults. . For example, a duckling wants to catch a worm (a string that one of the relatives is pulling), but the worm crawls away. The duckling is angry (the child frowns, stamps his foot, clenches his fists, etc.).

Let's take stock now. We have already understood that any childhood fears can be dealt with using various methods, the most popular of which are Play Therapy and Art Therapy.
Play therapy:

a way to combat fears with the help of games, an excellent way to lift your spirits, get rid of complexes, depression and stiffness. However, it is not worth continuing the game for more than 30 minutes if it is a moving and active game - there is absolutely no need to overstimulate the nervous system. One type of play therapy is role-playing play. Come up with a plot based on this or that fear, choose the main character - let the kid pick him up, and play from beginning to end, putting in the final the result that you are going to in the fight. (For example, your baby is a super hero who bravely fights the darkness and saves you from it.)
Art therapy:

(this includes drawing, modeling, and appliques - in short, everything that is created with one’s own hands) is an equally wonderful way to overcome one’s fears by drawing or sculpting. At the same time, fine motor skills will be involved. Invite your child to draw what he is most afraid of, let him say what he is drawing (or sculpting from clay, plasticine). Then invite the child to sketch, tear, if it is clay, roll into a ball what he has done and throw it in the trash. Or you don’t have to break it or throw it away - try changing the drawing, turning it into a more colorful and kinder character with whom you can make friends.

And at the very end, I want to remind you that your love, warmth, participation, attention to your child’s fears, joint search for a solution to the problem that has arisen, support for the baby is the most best medicine. Under no circumstances should you brush off your little one’s requests or close your eyes, saying, “This is nonsense! There is no problem, I don’t see it - you came up with everything!” And it’s certainly impossible to scold or fight by the opposite in this case. Most fears can be overcome together, without the help of specialists. This is especially true for age-related fears. Here it is enough to switch attention and involve him in a game aimed at getting rid of the fear of something, so that the baby “switches” and over time overcomes his fear.

Child psychologist Elena Makarenko will tell you what children under the age of three are most afraid of. Surprisingly, fears also transform, some recede, and some worry our kids. It turns out there is an explanation for this.

From a psychological point of view, fear is an emotional process. In the theory of differential emotions by K. Izard, fear is classified as a basic emotion, that is, it is an innate emotional process with a genetically specified physiological component. Fear is caused by real or imagined danger. Fear mobilizes the body to implement avoidant behavior, “running away.”

It is difficult to find a person who has never experienced fear in his life. Fear, anxiety, and worry are normal emotional manifestations of our mental life.

Every person experiences fear from birth; they are caused by age-related characteristics. Most fears are temporary. Most often, children's fears disappear without a trace; the main thing is to treat them correctly, understand the reason for their appearance and “contain” them in time.

If they persist for a long time, are very painful and unbearable, then this may be a sign of:

troubles,

weak nervous system of the child,

incorrect and inappropriate behavior of parents,

that parents do not know mental and age characteristics child development,

fears not experienced by the parents themselves,

conflictual relationships in the family.

Most fears, unfortunately, arise precisely through the fault of the parents, and every parent must prevent the possibility of fear or reduce the level of fear caused by family conflicts, harsh sounds, internal callousness or the opposite of all this - overprotection, excessive attention and intrusive love.

With age, children change their motives for behavior, their attitudes toward the world around them, adults, and peers. And the extent to which parents can perceive these changes will determine that positive emotional contact, which is the basis of the child’s neuropsychic health.

At every age life stage children face certain fears. Let's consider children's fears between the ages of 1 and 3 years.

An interesting sociological survey was conducted on 200 mothers whose children were between 1 and 3 years old; they were given a list of 29 types of fear.

The most common fear in children of the 2nd year of life is the fear of unexpected sounds.

In second place is the fear of loneliness, followed by fears of pain, injections and the associated fear of medical workers. At 2 years old, fears of pain and injections come to the fore (every second boy or girl), followed by fears of loneliness. Compared to the 1st year, the fear of unexpected sounds decreases (every third boy and girl). This indicates a decrease in unconditional reflex, instinctively conditioned fears, and an increase in fears that are mainly of a conditioned reflex nature of origin (pain, injections, medical workers).

By the age of 2, fears of falling asleep increase significantly, especially in boys, which is associated with more frequent nightmares.

The data obtained show an increased sensitivity of children of this age to sudden and painful influences, loneliness and lack of adult support. Accordingly, everything related to family conflicts, medical procedures, hospital stays or kindergarten visits can be a significant source of emotional stress, anxiety and fear.

Reader Questions

October 18, 2013 Hello. The child is 5 years old. About two weeks ago, fears appeared - he doesn’t want to be alone, he’s afraid to sleep alone, he’s afraid to go to the toilet alone. These fears torment him very much: at night he gets up five times, scared, asks to sit with him. What to do? When asked what he is afraid of, he replies that he saw a scary cartoon. We have already drawn, and burned a terrible monster, and put on a cross, talked, and explained. The question is that maybe this will pass, but how to behave while he is afraid. Should I take him to my bed? Let him at least get enough sleep, or should he insist on his own? Thank you.